Page 60 of Mistletoe and Mulled Wine at the Christmas Campervan

‘Yeah …’ Jack’s mind, his heart, were too full to process all those feelings into words.

‘Do you know,’ Denise continued, ‘we nearly didn’t get together at all, way back then …’

Jack looked up sharply. ‘Really?’ His parents had always seemed like the dream team.

‘Oh yes, your dad was all gung-ho about getting married and having a family quickly. And well, I … I hadn’t done that much, I wanted to see a bit of the world. I had a good job back then, too. I was a PA in a successful family firm that made fly fishing rods here in Alnwick. I had a lot of responsibility, used to organise the boss’s travel, meetings and events, here there and everywhere. I loved it.’

Wow, this was a whole new side to his mum. And the news that they nearly hadn’t made it … ‘So, what happened?’

‘We compromised. Sounds such a boring word, but in relationships, well, that’s the glue: the respect, the love. It’s all about give and take. I stayed on at work, we made sure to take a few special holidays, some adventures. And we waited a few years before trying for a family. We worked it out. Life changed when you two came along, of course, but I was ready for that then, and I’ve never looked back. You and Daniel were the best things that ever happened to me.’ She gave a wistful smile.

‘And everything with Daniel, that’s when I needed your dad the most. Having someone to hold my hand through all that grief, that pain. It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes, Jack.’

He stayed quiet, processing her words. His heart felt so full, it might crush him.

‘Anyway … lesson over. I’ve probably bored you by now. But hey, I’m just trying to look out for you. That’s what mothers do.’

He reached a strong hand over the table and gave hers a rub.

‘I know … and … ah …’ This was all so intense. He needed a bit of time out. ‘I’ll just nip to the bathroom.’

He headed for the upstairs loo, needing some space. As he reached the landing, he spotted the door open to his brother’s old room. A few years ago, his parents had redecorated it, put on fresh bedding, given it a new look completely. But they’d kept a few knick-knacks: a photo of Daniel smiling on his eighteenth birthday, when blissfully none of them knew what was to come; his old much-loved teddy bear he’d had when he was little; and a football trophy from when his Alnwick team had won the junior league. A shelf full of memories that tugged at Jack’s heart. He was drawn to go in. Daniel’s presence was still very much there, even after all these years, even after the guestroom-style facelift.

‘Oh, Dan …’ The words sighed inside his head. He knew he’d feel his brother’s loss all his life. All those milestones missed, the might-have-beens, the big-brother advice that he could no longer ask for.

On the same shelf there was a card with a big yellow smiley face on; Daniel must have sent it in his first year of uni. Jack picked it up. The excitement in Daniel’s tone coming through:

Miss you folks but am enjoying the adventure. Joined the five-a-side footie team, made a few mates through that already, and got my name down for mountaineering club. There’s a trip to the Lakes coming up with that. Sounds cool. Trying rowing out next week too. Full on here but great! Carpe Diem, hey!

Hah, yes, Dan loved rattling off that phrase. ‘Seize the day’ in Latin. He was always like that, Dan, living life to the full. Not in a big, showy way, just getting on with it. Squeezing the most out of it.

And what was Jack doing with his life right now? Yes, the campervan business was doing well, but the rest of his life … the personal stuff … His mother’s words were still fresh in his mind. He brushed his fingertips over Daniel’s writing, then carefully replaced the card. Daniel wouldn’t have wanted him to hold back. But sometimes it was hard to know which road to take, and his heart and his head were having trouble reading the road signs just now.

Back downstairs, soon afterwards, Denise tried to lighten the mood with a little local gossip. ‘Oh gosh, I do hope Lucy’s doing okay, by the way. I heard from Trish at the golf club, who knows Cathy at the shop in the village there, that there’s been someone going around slashing people’s tyres and causing all sorts of damage.’

Jack’s ears pricked up. He remembered holding Lucy close the night after it had happened, making sure she was alright.

‘And to think that Lucy’s ex has been behind it all, it must have been a real shock.’

He went cold. That was what Lucy had been trying to tell him, to explain back there at the castle, and he was so full of his own version of what he’d seen, he hadn’t listened. He’d cut her off, hadn’t he? Shite, he’d gone and messed up big time.

The road ahead was suddenly very clear.

‘Gotta go, Mum. Thanks for the tea … the chat.’ He was up and out of his chair like Usain Bolt.

Driving back in Ruby, he knew.

Why the hell was he thinking of walking away, when he should be bloody running towards her? He needed to see Lucy and he needed to see her now.

Passing the junction to his own village, he headed on for her village of Embleton. His pulse racing and his mind set. Fields of sheep and crops flashed by behind stone walls, hedges of hawthorn flickered as he whizzed by. And as he got nearer, there were glimpses of the sea at each turn, bringing him closer to her.

He turned off, now on her street, pulled up. No, her Jeep wasn’t outside. Undeterred, he leaped out of the camper and dashed to her door, rapping on the old metal knocker. Daisy must be there as he heard barking, but there was no answer from Lucy. He rapped again, peered in the living-room window, no-one there. Then went back to try the lock. The cottage was all shut up. Dammit.

‘Lucy?!’ One last ineffectual shout. Bloody hell, she couldn’t be out, not now. This felt so important. He had to put things right between them. As he stood on the pavement, feeling thwarted, but still full of adrenaline, the fifty-something neighbour poked her head out of the cottage next door. ‘Can I help at all? If it’s Lucy you’re after, I saw her head out about twenty minutes ago.’

Oh dear, he must have been making a right racket. ‘Ah, right. Sorry about the noise, it’s just … it’s something important.’

‘Okay, well can I give her a message? When she gets back?’