Page 86 of The Second Chance Supper Club

Would that coolness always be there from now on?

They stood staring at each other. Less than a metre between them, and yet a world apart.

Cath plucked up the courage, she was here now, and this was it. ‘Will, l really need to try to explain … I know I did wrong all those years ago, not answering your letters, ducking out. But I was scared and young, and inexperienced. I know that’s no bloody excuse. Looking back, it was only decent to have let you know what was going on … but at the time, I didn’t know how.’ Cath paused; this was harder than she’d thought, here, face to face with Matty as a man.

‘Okay, here goes …’ She took a slow breath. ‘A couple of weeks after I got home, after I’d answered your first letter, I realised my period was late. Really late. And it scared me to death.’

He said nothing, but kept his eyes fixed on her as she explained.

‘I totally panicked … It would have changed everything … having a baby so young. I don’t think I could have gone through with an abortion, but then I was about to start my A Levels, and I was fixed on training to be a teacher. That’s what I’d wanted to do for years.’ It all began to spill out. ‘All my dreams seemed to be in the balance. Being a mum was never in the equation back then … not at sixteen.’

She paused, noticing his family photos all around. His wife, his daughters. The real loves of his life, of course they were. Will was staring at her. His emotions were so hard to read. Was this confession the right thing? Was it just stirring up old wounds? Was she still the same daft young girl? A blip in his past.

Will hadn’t yet said a word.

But she’d started, so she may as well finish her story, their youthful story. ‘It was just a scare,’ she continued. ‘I finally got a test, and it was negative, but by then a few more weeks had passed … and I hadn’t been in touch … and I knew I needed to get my head down and study, concentrate on my school work, get my uni place. A relationship, long distance, however much I felt for you … and I did feel so much for you then, Matty, but it wasn’t going to work. And time had gone on and I didn’t know how to explain all that … so I didn’t. I just left it. I’m sorry, Will.’ Cath gave a small relieved sigh that the truth and her apology were out, that the lad she’d hurt all those years ago at least knew why, and that she had very much cared for him. That he had finally heard the explanation she should have told him thirty-six years ago, back in 1988.

Will looked a bit shell-shocked. ‘Right … well … at least I know now.’ He stood quiet for a few seconds before adding, ‘But I would have been there for you then, whatever, Cath.’

And she hadn’t been there for him.

Was there a way to move forward from this? Had this revelation helped, or just widened the divide? Cath was desperate to fix things, but from his reaction the chasm seemed to still be there between them. But she had to try, to keep trying. ‘If it’s okay … if we can find some way … can we at least be friends again, Will. Hey?’

She so wanted to keep in touch with this lovely man, and she so wanted the Supper Club to continue in its wonderful all-embracing friendly way.

Will looked at her, the hurt still there in his gorgeous eyes. ‘Oh, Cath, I’m not sure if I can …’

Cath took a big gulp, trying to stem the tears that she knew were swelling in her eyes. There was nothing else to say. Would she even be able to come along to his Supper Club now? She thanked him for his time, and turned to leave. Her bye sounded so lonely as she left.

At least she’d tried. I’ve been brave, Maria, she thought on her way back down the street. But sadly, it hadn’t seemed to be enough.

Chapter 50

‘Hey, Mum.’

‘Ah, hi, love.’ Aw, that was nice, Adam was calling her. She’d been trying hard not to hound him; trying to get the balance between regularly checking he was all right, but giving him the space he needed to get back on his feet for himself. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Yep, pretty good. Feeling more myself, thanks. And I got to see the doc.’

‘Great …’ She held off from saying, And? Giving him chance to frame his response.

‘Yeah, that went fine … good, really. We had a bit of a chat. Gave me a load of helpline numbers, information, some of it looks useful. I could have gone on anti-depressants, but you know, I just want to see how I go for now. The doc was okay with that, saying that the option’s there should I need. He was pretty cool, actually. Oh, and …’ Adam’s voice suddenly sounded more serious. Cath found herself holding her breath. ‘I have been advised that, as lovely as it is that you’ve offered … well, I’ve been warned against you moving down here.’

What? ‘You have?’ That sounded rather odd from a doctor, who didn’t know a damned thing about their family circumstances. She felt the heat rising through her.

‘Yeah, he said it might drive me to despair, having you lurking on my doorstep.’ He said it deadpan.

She finally caught on. ‘Adam … that’s so not funny.’ But she had to concede a small smile. It was nice to hear him jesting again, more like his old self.

‘Honestly though, Mum, I’ve had a chance to think, these past few days … about a lot of stuff. And you selling up, coming back down here, it just doesn’t make sense. You love it up there in your cottage, that little village, I can tell. You’ve had all that shit with Dad to deal with … it’s your time, you need this. Your new chance of happiness.’ He paused. ‘Really, don’t let it be about me, making you sell up … unless there’re other reasons I don’t know about. You can come down here, make me that Sunday dinner you were promising, and I can come up and visit sometimes too. I’ll be fine, really. We’ll work it out.’

Could she take him at his word? Or was he just braving things out for her?

He seemed to twig her misgivings. ‘I do need my own space here, Mum. And I’ve got Dad not so far away, if I need. He came to see me last night. Brought us a Chinese takeaway, actually. Seems to be okay. Back on with Steph. So that’s cheering him up.’

‘Ah, I’m glad he’s been over.’ The two of them had spoken, and Trev had promised to look in on Adam. He had also mentioned being back with his girlfriend now too, and that hadn’t hurt anywhere near as much as it might have done a few months back. They could still work as a team where it mattered, she mused.

Adam then asked about the latest village antics. She wasn’t going to delve into that particular can of worms, instead merely mentioning there was to be another Supper Club soon. Hah, it was no way near as sleepy here as he might imagine. But yes, this village was her lifeline, her meant-to-be place. He was right about that. Her relief that she seemingly no longer needed to up sticks and move again was already flowing like soothing Northumbrian honey in her veins.