Page 80 of The Seaside Supper Club

‘Oh, Will.’ She knew to let him carry on, to get it all out, now that he’d finally opened up.

‘I told myself by cutting off, I was protecting you, Cath. All the questions whirring in my mind, sending me nuts: What if I don’t make it through this cancer in the long run? What if it comes back, and you have to go through everything I had to with Jane? Could I put you through that? I’m so sorry, Cath, but I’d convinced myself you’d be better off without me. You still might be …’

‘Isn’t that my decision to make, though, not yours?’ She held his gaze steadily. ‘And, Will, I don’t feel sorry for you, not in a pitying way, I just feel bloody frustrated that you’ve not told me all this before.’

He sighed, before adding, ‘I did take your advice, finally. I rang the nurse … from that advice leaflet I had. She was brilliant. We had a good chat, and she reassured me that all this was quite normal post-surgery. That things really will improve over time, but it might be months, not weeks, before I begin to feel more like my old self. I’d been expecting too much. She reminded me of some of the exercises to try, too, which I’ve started.’

‘Well, that sounds good. So, there’s a way forward with that.’

‘Yeah, there is. And, Cath, I’m so sorry I pushed you away the other night. I acted like a right twat.’

‘Yep, you did.’ Cath wasn’t going to let him get away with it that easily.

‘Oh shit, I’ve really messed up.’ His dark eyes held hers, seemingly searching deep in to her soul. ‘Cath, can we try again? Be a couple. If you still want me? Ah, but I’d understand if I’ve pushed you too far this time.’ He stopped speaking, gathering his thoughts from their messy, post-surgery tangled web. ‘The real truth is, Cath, at the bottom of all of this, I was trying to protect myself. I was, still am, terrified of losing someone I love, again.’ He seemed so afraid of the deep emotion he was feeling, and all the hurt that might come should it ever go wrong.

‘Today,’ he continued, ‘seeing all those fantastic people in the hall. Hearing the laughter, the chatter, it showed me that life can be good. Even if you’re old, even if you’re frail … even if you have lost the love of your life. They are still going strong out there, and grabbing life by the balls. Jiving, for goodness’ sake. I came to realise that shutting myself off isn’t the answer. It’s just made me more miserable than ever.’

‘Blimey, that must have been depressing for you,’ Cath teased, lightening the mood, happy that they were finally talking honestly and openly again.

‘Yeah, it bloody well was.’ He gave a small chuckle. ‘Cath, what I’m trying to say is that I miss you, us,’ he finally confessed.

‘Oh, come here, you bloody idiot.’ She took him into her arms. ‘I miss you, too.’

That hug, oh my. His arms came around her too, and they clung on. Feeling the warmth, the reconnection, the togetherness. No words were needed.

As they reluctantly pulled away, his lips creased into a smile. Those gorgeously sensual lips that she’d missed so much. She tilted forward, still holding his gaze, as she reached to brush her lips against his. The pressure returned from his was warm and welcoming, melding into a kiss. Woohoo! A proper heartfelt, passionate, tingly toes and oh, all sorts of other parts, kind of kiss.

*

Lying in bed, Will with his boxers on, essential pad in, Cath in her bra and knickers in support. The rest of their flesh bare, with a mere drape of cotton sheet over them. They’d not ventured to make love, not yet. This closeness was enough, for now. She could still trace her fingers over his abs, rest her head against his chest, hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

And in time, she was certain they could get a little more creative …

Will’s breathing had slowed, as he rested in slumber. Finding calm in the storm. Finding each other, once more.

For all the fear, surely it was better to feel, than to cut yourself off. To let in those moments of pure bliss, as well as the rollercoaster ones of doubt and insecurity. It was about being human; to love and be loved, in a world, a life, that was always going to have change and at times hurt in it, whether you wanted it or not. Putting yourself out there, opening up to the beautiful vulnerability of love, wasn’t easy. But taking that risk, riding that wave, letting yourself really feel the joy, the bliss, as well as those inevitable moments of pain, had to be worth it.

Go on, open your heart to love, she thought, as she lay beside Will, feeling a thrum of warmth and tenderness fill her from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes. It would surely be a bumpier ride, but oh my, what an amazing journey.

Chapter 34

Will picked up his mobile. A group video call was coming in from his two girls.

‘Hey, Dad, how are you?’ There was Maddie in her Newcastle flat.

‘Hi, Dad.’ Sophie joined in a second later, from her accommodation in York, having popped back down to stay with her friends – including Jess who’d apologised for being a pain during exam time – and check the flat out, being mid-August and the holidays still.

‘Hey, girls. This is nice … seeing you both together.’ Will’s face lit with a smile.

‘Well, we thought you might like to see us again soon in person, too,’ said Sophie.

‘Yeah, we’re planning on coming back up for the weekend. Does that sound okay?’ asked Maddie.

‘Yes, of course. I’d love that. Ahm, Cath’s here,’ he added, as he beckoned her over to join in with the chat.

Cath moved to Will’s shoulder, able to see the girls on the screen, as she also appeared in Will’s mini frame. She couldn’t help but spot the flicker of uncertainty cross Sophie’s face. It was still there like an undercurrent; a sign of Sophie’s ongoing unease with the situation, that her dad had found someone new romantically. And yes, Cath and Sophie were still working their way through that. It wasn’t easy, but Cath got it. A new woman coming into Sophie’s dad’s life, in the place where her mum should have been, must feel so hard for her.

‘So, shall we go over to the beach place? We’re desperate to spend some time there, especially now it’s all done up. Sophie’s been telling me all about it. Are you up for that, Dad?’ asked Maddie, sounding protectively caring. She was handling her dad’s new relationship far more easily, even if it must feel strange for her too. ‘We had the idea to make a special day over there.’