Page 21 of Christmas, Actually

‘I’m not sure he’s told you the full story,’ Clara said, feeling her throat tighten. She hated being on the wrong end of her mother’s temper and could feel her body trembling in anticipation of the inevitable dressing down.

‘He told me you thought you saw him kissing someone in the office and then just disappeared without a word. He said you don’t believe that the woman in question was kissing him, despite him telling you that she was.’ She paused and Clara heard a long intake of breath. ‘And now, even though Hudson is totally innocent, you’ve chosen to stay away and haven’t been in touch with him for a week!’

Hudson hadn’t been in touch with Clara either – despite being in the wrong. But, somehow, he’d managed to find the time to contact her mother, which felt manipulative and hurtful.

Clara frowned. There was no point in pointing that out to her mum, or telling her it had been very clear who’d instigated the kiss that had resulted in her leaving – and that it hadn’t been Abigail.

Clara mashed her lips together, determined not to defend herself. She knew that jumping in and saying the wrong thing would only make things worse. But it was difficult to stay quiet and take the blame. Hudson had been so different when they’d met, and her mum had fallen for the man he’d been then. If she understood how much he’d changed – how he’d begun to slowly chip away at Clara’s confidence, making her feel useless, making her feel like she was lucky to be with him. Perhaps if she knew that, she’d understand. But Maeve would never listen, so it was easier to just stay silent…

‘What about your job? Isn’t it a little irresponsible to walk away from it?’ her mother said.

Clara pulled a face. ‘Hudson can handle things without me – if he couldn’t, he’d have called to ask me to help.’ In truth, he was never complimentary about her role in his company and constantly double-checked her work. Recently she’d wondered if she was more of a hinderance to him – he wasted so much time probing her decisions, questioning her thought processes, or simply telling her she was wrong. And he’d started using freelancers which had made her wonder if he had plans to replace her going forward. She wasn’t worried, she could pick up another contract easily, but she’d lose her right to stay in the States.

‘And have you started the diet I signed you up to?’ her mother asked, clearly on a roll. ‘Because if you’re worried about your fiancé straying, Clara, I’m thinking you only have yourself to blame.’

Clara nibbled her bottom lip, thinking about the copious amount of trifle, brownies and Christmas cake she’d consumed recently. ‘I’ve registered,’ she said, hoping that was enough.

‘That’s one thing at least.’ Her mother sighed. ‘So, where have you been staying and when are you going back to Hudson?’

She asked the question as if it were a done deal and Clara gritted her teeth because it would be so much easier if she gave in. Usually she would – keen to settle ruffled feathers and to play the good girl, but today she couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

‘Um, I’m in the Cotswolds in England staying with Eleanor.’ She pulled a face, waiting for her mother’s reaction. Maeve had once been best friends with her godmother but despised her now. They’d fallen out over Maeve’s constant criticism of Clara and neither of them had been interested in making up. ‘I’m helping in her Christmas shop and⁠—’

Clara sighed deciding not to share that she was playing Mrs Christmas too because her mother really wouldn’t understand. ‘I’m going to be staying here until the twenty-seventh.’ Whatever Hudson had done, she wasn’t planning on letting him down and would be there for the party even if she had no idea what would happen beyond that. ‘I’m sorry but I know what I saw and⁠—’

‘You’re making a terrible mistake,’ her mother hissed. ‘You need to know when you’re well off. Hudson is a good choice for you. He’s handsome, successful and he’s going to be extremely rich. So, what if he strays every now and again?’ Her voice dropped. ‘Clara, you need to grow up and understand how the world works for women like you. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to you – and I think it’s time you realised that. I’ll call Hudson now and tell him you’ll be back in New York by the end of the week,’ she said briskly.

Clara cleared her throat. She could feel her pulse racing, her knees were shaking and her body felt like someone had just doused her with a bucket of cold water. Her hand trembled as she pressed the mobile closer to her ear. ‘You can tell him that, Mum, but I’m sorry, until he calls, apologises and tells me the truth, I won’t be going anywhere. I can’t.’

The line fell silent and Clara felt something flutter in her chest. Was her mother finally going to listen to her, was she going to agree?

Instead, she heard… nothing. Because, she realised after another few moments of silence, that her mother had hung up.

‘There you are!’ a woman suddenly called out, making Clara peek from behind the curtains into the grand hallway of Evergreen House. She immediately saw the lady with white hair and sparkly cheeks who’d been dancing with Liam earlier waving at her, proving the hiding place wasn’t as good as she’d thought.

‘I’ve been looking for you,’ the woman said, her bright red lips stretching across her deeply crevassed face. She blinked a couple of times as she drew closer. ‘Are you hiding? Is this a game?’ She glanced back into the empty corridor and shook her head. ‘Mrs Christmas, I came to introduce myself, I’m Doris Sparkle.’

Clara opened her mouth to say hi, but Doris didn’t give her the chance. ‘I thought I’d sneak out while everyone’s occupied. Joe Abbot is doing card tricks again. He’s really very good, although the rabbit is the real show-stopper.’ She smiled and Clara noticed a smudge of lipstick had strayed onto her teeth. ‘I’m not one for giving advice.’ Doris paused and her forehead wrinkled. ‘Actually, dear, that’s not true. My daughter says I can’t help myself.’ She snickered. ‘But that young man.’ She pointed back towards the set of doors that would lead to where Liam was now. ‘Has quite the crush on you.’

Clara felt her insides leap, like someone had stuffed her full of kangaroos.

‘And if I were twenty—’ Doris folded her arms. ‘Nope.’ She considered, tipping her chin. ‘Maybe forty years younger, I’d be giving you a run for your money. Because not only is he gorgeous and kind –’ She flashed the smudge on her teeth again. ‘– he’s very handy with a set of tools.’ Her voice lowered. ‘Makes you wonder what else he might be handy with, doesn’t it?’ She giggled and wriggled her eyebrows. ‘Just saying…’ She nodded back towards the sitting room. ‘Life’s short – don’t waste it hiding behind curtains.’

Then she turned and waddled back in the direction she’d come, leaving Clara staring after her, wondering if Doris was right, actually.

‘You’ve been very quiet this evening, love,’ Eleanor said to Clara as she helped to unpack a second box of Christmas toys and load them onto the appropriate shelf in The Cosy Christmas Shop. After the event at Evergreen House had ended, she’d worked in the shop for the rest of the afternoon. But her stomach had been churning, her mind in a turmoil.

‘I’m—’ Clara swiped a hand over the red Christmas jumper Eleanor had gifted her earlier. She sighed. ‘I’m thinking of ending my engagement with Hudson,’ she blurted, feeling a wave of relief as she finally said the words. Finally admitted what had been filling her mind since her conversation with her mother. Since her fiancé hadn’t contacted her for over a week.

Eleanor nodded, her attractive face serious. ‘I’m trying not to give you advice, darling, but Clara, I think that might be for the best.’ She stood and idly adjusted some tinsel on one of the nearby shelves. ‘You know my track record with relationships isn’t ideal.’ She cleared her throat. ‘But I’ve made enough mistakes to be able to see when someone is making the same ones.’ She shrugged. ‘Your Hudson is simply not worthy of you. You deserve better – you deserve it all.’ Her voice was filled with warmth and Clara felt a corresponding tightening in her chest, as if she were being hugged.

‘So do you,’ she said, realising again how much she’d missed this woman. Eleanor was one of the few people she’d had in her life who’d accepted her exactly the way she was. Eleanor didn’t think Clara was too fat or too quiet, she didn’t criticise her clothes or tell her she ate too much. She told her she was exactly as she should be. No more, no less, and as a result she didn’t feel a need to temper herself or change. It was refreshing. ‘You deserve not to be alone,’ Clara told her.

Eleanor regarded her for a moment, her pretty round face frowning. ‘I don’t want to be alone,’ the softness of her voice communicated a world of pain. ‘But I don’t seem to have the talent for choosing the right partner. Every time I think I’ve found the man of my dreams, he turns out to be exactly the same as all the rest.’ She looked unhappy.

‘If you want to find love, have you considered looking for someone who isn’t your type?’ Clara asked, as her mind drifted to Ezra again and the advice the Hollys had given. The bookshop owner was clearly another wounded soul. But he was handsome, kind, serious and from what she’d overheard this morning at Evergreen House, unattached. Perhaps he’d be good for her godmother and perhaps she’d be good for him too?

There was certainly a kind of chemistry fizzing between them – admittedly the chemistry was more the explosive napalm variety and they constantly rubbed each other up the wrong way. But that was more interesting than indifference and there was a lot of honesty in the mix.