Page 40 of Christmas, Actually

‘Of course,’ Liam said as his son was pried from his hands. ‘I’ll go and get them.’ Clara gave him a quick flash of a smile which did odd things to his insides, and he watched as she, Charlie and Figgy walked down the corridor with Doris towards the main sitting room.

His family. This whole outing felt so different from the visit to the park with Mia. Now there was a warmth in the pit of his stomach – a feeling of hope that he was doing his hardest to tamp down because he didn’t trust it. Wasn’t sure he ever could.

As Liam made his way back through the car park, a black Audi pulled to a stop beside his truck. A car he thought he recognised.

He stood waiting as Ezra got out. ‘Hi,’ the bookshop owner said, his face colouring as he spotted Liam. Perhaps due to what had happened with Eleanor at the committee meeting?

‘Before you say anything about what I said to Eleanor, I know I messed up,’ he said urgently, scratching a hand over his beard, which looked more unruly than usual. ‘I don’t know what got into me, I was so mad.’ He paused. ‘Unnecessarily so.’ His shoulders sagged. ‘I waved at her this morning. I know she saw me, but she completely ignored me.’ He looked stricken.

Liam frowned. ‘I suppose I can understand why,’ he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. He wasn’t used to having heart-to-hearts. He’d spent the last two years avoiding emotions and conversations that might stir them up. But he couldn’t do that today. ‘You were… very angry,’ he said. He wasn’t sure how much to unpick on his own, how much to point out because he was hoping the bookshop owner might do the work himself. Admit where the hostility had come from.

Ezra shook his head and leaned against his car. He wore his long grey woollen coat and a beanie hat which was turning white as tiny snowflakes fluttered from the sky and settled. ‘It’s snowing,’ he murmured, his forehead creasing. ‘It was snowing the day the woman I loved got married to my best friend.’ He looked up then and his whole body seemed to sag as he stared into space, and Liam wondered if he’d forgotten he wasn’t alone.

‘I’d been in love with her for years. In love from afar because I was too much of a coward to admit how I felt.’ He cleared his throat. ‘My best friend came to visit me one weekend, took one look at her and that was that.’ He looked tortured. ‘He didn’t avoid how he felt, he didn’t act like her friend. He told her she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and he was going to marry her when she realised they were meant to be.’ He paused looking wistful. ‘The most I’d ever done was buy her a dram of whisky,’ he admitted huskily.

‘My friend moved to Scotland a few weeks after, they married last Christmas and I had to be best man. I had to celebrate with them. I was happy they were happy, of course, I’d be all kinds of an ass if I wasn’t, but…’ He swallowed a great gulp of air. ‘It’s why I moved to Hollythorpe. I couldn’t stay in Scotland.’

Liam nodded. ‘It’s why you hate Christmas, why the elves⁠—’

‘Triggered me,’ Ezra finished, taking in a long breath. ‘But it was unreasonable, I realise that. I’ve thought about it for the last two days, about how much I’ve avoided how I felt. How I’ve run from it. Eleanor, those stupid toys, they were a reminder of everything that happened and I guess I finally blew.’ He frowned.

‘Seems like Eleanor might need to hear this,’ Liam said. ‘Maybe you should be talking to her?’

The bookshop owner shook his head. ‘Aye, maybe she does need to hear it, but I don’t have the words…’ He cleared his throat, looking embarrassed. ‘I like her. That’s the problem. She drives me crazy, but for some reason I really like her and I’m not sure I’m ready to tell her that.’

‘So you’re just going to what? Repeat old mistakes?’ Liam asked. He wasn’t used to being a shoulder to cry on. He wasn’t used to giving advice. How could he, when he’d made such a mess of his own life? But he knew he had to call this out: Ezra had hurt Eleanor and he had to face it.

‘Perhaps,’ the older man said, frowning as he glared down at his boots. ‘But if I can’t find the words, how the hell am I going to apologise, lad?’ He looked up again – his face a picture of misery and guilt. Feelings Liam was all too familiar with.

‘You own a bookshop, you deal with words every day. I’m sure you’ll figure it out,’ he said flatly. ‘If you want to put things right, you have no choice.’

Ezra nodded and stood straighter, before making his way to the back of his car so he could open it. ‘I suppose,’ he said as he leaned down to pick up a box of books.

The sitting room was buzzing with excitement as Liam made his way into it half an hour later. He’d dealt with the minor electrical problem and stashed his tools back in his truck, before making his way back through the glittering hallway.

Ezra had set himself up in the corner of the large room and there were piles of books stacked up on a trestle table, with a small queue of residents waiting to peruse the stock.

Liam looked around, smiling when he realised ‘Christmas Is All Around’ was playing on the record player and some of the residents were singing along. He spotted Clara and Charlie sitting at a table with Doris and Stan Holly, playing a round of cards. His son could hardly hold them in his small hands, and he was giggling as Clara leaned down to speak to him before plucking a card from the assortment he was holding and laying it on the table. Then Doris’s eyes widened as she looked at it before she cheered and shook his hand.

Charlie bounced on his seat before blowing Clara a loud kiss, and Liam’s heart almost rocketed out of his chest because he wasn’t ready for this. Wasn’t ready to share his son – or to let someone else take a piece of his heart. He was too afraid of being hurt, too terrified of Charlie getting hurt too. Of his hopes being built up before something came along and dashed them again. He didn’t feel this way about Mia – perhaps because his feelings for her had never been as strong?

Something nudged his knee and he looked down and saw Figgy. His dog was clutching the cloth Clara had given him in his jaws, his eyes dark pools of sympathy. He blinked at Liam and then his attention caught on something in the far corner of the room. Liam turned to look and saw something skip across the carpet – it was grey and furry and looked a lot like Bugs. Figgy barked and dropped his prize before chasing the rabbit until they both disappeared through the door closest to him.

‘Where did he come from?’ the manager shouted from the other side of the sitting room, before charging after the rabbit and dog.

‘There you are!’ Doris yelled above the excited voices, rising from her chair as she spotted Liam and waved him over. ‘I wondered where you’d gone. Your son is showing signs of real genius. We’ll have him in Vegas before he’s ten.’ She winked and then gazed down at Charlie, her eyes filled with affection.

‘Cards, Daddy!’ Charlie yelled, waving and showing everyone at the table his hand.

Doris frowned. ‘We’ll have to work on a few things before then, of course,’ she said before grinning again, her eyes sparkling as her attention zigzagged back and forth between Clara and him. ‘Well, this is fortuitous,’ she said, as her beam notched up.

‘What is?’ Clara asked, her gaze whirring to Liam and lingering for a moment before her attention shot back to Doris. ‘You want to play another round?’ she asked. ‘Charlie’s on. He’s got you right where he wants you,’ she teased.

‘More cards!’ Charlie yelled, waving them again, dropping a couple on the table face up.

‘I was thinking more about the mistletoe, actually,’ Doris said, her smile widening. She raised an eyebrow and her gaze gradually crept upwards. Liam looked up too and noticed someone had strung fresh sprigs of mistletoe across the ceiling and that there was one directly above Clara’s head.

‘It’s good luck,’ Doris pressed, her smile intensifying. ‘If you don’t kiss the girl, you’re definitely going to regret it.’