Page 42 of Christmas, Actually

‘It was a mistake. I knew that straight away,’ he said. ‘Then when you disappeared without a word, I couldn’t admit to it. I thought if I told you it was Abigail who kissed me…’ He stopped, looking sheepish. ‘It was the wrong thing to do. I spoke to your mother, and I can see that now. I need you to come back, Clara. Abigail’s not right for me.’ His eyes flashed.

‘She isn’t?’ Clara asked. The words a balm to her damaged pride.

He shook his head. ‘She’s far too opinionated and wants everything her own way.’ His mouth tensed. ‘I’ve had more cross words with her since you came to the Cotswolds than you and I have had in all the time we’ve had together. She doesn’t even make a decent cup of coffee.’ He huffed. ‘You and me, we just fit.’

‘Do we?’ Clara asked. Or was it more that she was easy and always did everything he asked? How often had they argued? Never. Because she’d always agreed with him – had worked so hard to please and keep the peace. But she’d lost herself in the process.

He nodded. ‘I need someone like you,’ he implored, his eyes shiny pools of black. ‘Everything’s so much more difficult without you there. The office is disorganised. Nobody can work with our data like you.' He gave her a half smile. One that would have had her melting a few weeks ago, but didn’t touch her now. ‘Nobody wants to eat what I eat, or listen to the same music as me. Nobody listens to what I say without interrupting – my world feels like it’s falling apart.’

Clara felt sick. All Hudson’s words just confirmed everything she’d realised since arriving in Hollythorpe. That he didn’t love her – he just loved how easy she was and how much she’d moulded herself around his needs. Then again, hadn’t she spent her life doing exactly that to prove she was good enough, to ensure she was loved? ‘Look, I’m⁠—’

‘Your mother told me it might take you a while to come around,’ he said, his eyes filled with understanding. ‘We talked at length.’

‘You did?’ Clara checked. Her mother hadn’t contacted her since they’d spoken at Evergreen House. She shook her head, a little dazed. Hudson had obviously been plotting with her mother and Maeve hadn’t even thought to ask Clara what she wanted. Why was she surprised?

‘We’ve been talking a lot. She said you were confused, but if I came here and talked to you…’ Hudson sighed and put a hand in his jacket pocket before drawing out her engagement ring. ‘She said I needed to tell you that I want you to have this back.’ He must have read her expression because he flushed. ‘I’m not expecting you to wear it now. Unless you want to.’ He looked at her expectantly, but Clara didn’t reach for it. ‘I just thought…’ He reluctantly put the ring on the coffee table. ‘If I brought it here, you’d have it when you changed your mind.’

He watched as Clara digested what he’d said. Not if you change your mind, when. Hudson was so like her mother, so sure he knew she’d do exactly what he expected. But why wouldn’t he? She’d always done it in the past.

‘Don’t you want to put the ring on now?’ Disappointment flooded Hudson’s face when she didn’t move. ‘I wanted to show you that you matter to me, Clara. I wanted to explain I know I was in the wrong.’ He nodded. ‘I don’t usually admit to my mistakes, so I hope you’ll give me some credit for doing it now.’

Clara sighed. Nobody had come after her before, or begged for forgiveness. It was both flattering and confusing. Her mother’s voice filled her mind, telling her she should grab what Hudson was offering. That she’d never get an offer like this from anyone else. Liam had made no promises, but this wasn’t about him. It was about her and what she needed, which was to be loved for who she was.

‘Look, Hudson…’ She stared at the ring, at the way it sparkled – it was beautiful, but all she could think about was the saying about fool’s gold.

‘I don’t want you to decide anything right now,’ he said before she could say more.

‘I really think I should.’ She had to tell him they were over.

‘No!’ Hudson took another step forward until their feet were almost touching. Clara looked up into the face she thought she’d loved. Into those cool blue eyes as he stared down at her. He looked miserable, but she couldn’t worry about that.

She deserved better. Liam had said as much, and she’d started to believe him. She drew in a long breath. ‘I don’t think you and I are such a good idea.’

‘You don’t mean that.’ Hudson’s frown deepened. ‘I understand you don’t want to decide straight away. That’s why I’m going to give you time.’

‘I don’t need time.’

He shook his head, determined not to listen. ‘You’re tired and overwrought. I get that. I hurt you and you need time to think. To punish me even.’ He nodded, agreeing with himself as an alarm began to buzz and Hudson winced and drew his mobile from his pocket. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve got to leave. I’m on a flight to New York in a couple of hours.’

‘What, today?’ Clara asked, stunned. Had he really expected her to agree to go back to him after such a quick chat?

Of course he had. Until recently it’s what she would have done.

He nodded. ‘I just thought – actually, your mother thought – if I came to see you personally, you’d see how much I need you. If I could stay, I would…’ His face contorted. ‘But you know how much is going on at the company. We’ve got that party to organise too.’

‘There’s nothing to do for the party,’ Clara told him.

‘Abigail’s taking care of all last-minute details.’

‘Is she?’ Clara murmured. She wasn’t angry, more resigned. If she didn’t return, the woman would probably be wearing her ring by the new year.

He flushed. ‘Only because you’re not there, otherwise…’ he trailed off, looking embarrassed. ‘I really shouldn’t be here now, but –’ He let out a sigh before nodding at the engagement ring. ‘– I hope you’ll think about what I’ve said.’

‘I—’

‘I got you a tree.’ Hudson’s eyes travelled to Eleanor’s and his mouth tightened. ‘It’s not decorated but– I thought, maybe.’ His eyes dropped and he deliberately guided them back to her face. ‘You might enjoy buying some decorations when you get back?’

Clara stared at him. This was everything she’d wanted from Hudson for so many years – and now he was delivering it in one perfect speech. He’d chased her halfway across the globe. Told her he’d made a mistake which was a Christmas miracle in itself. Was she crazy for not jumping into his arms? ‘Look, I⁠—’