Page 3 of I Saw You First

The monster in the pit of my stomach roars, and I knock Ryan’s hand away. He leans against the desk again.

“Let’s see…” He taps his finger to his lips. “I know how badly you want this position.” His voice is firm, threatening. “If you can’t explain to me why you’re the best person for the job, why don’t you show me?”

My hand shakes as I thrust the file toward him. “You—you’ve seen my work.” My voice trembles and my heart pounds so forcefully, I can hear it in my ears. I have to suck in small gulps of air to continue. “You know what I’m c-capable of. Read the articles.”

He leans even closer. His heavy, musky cologne overwhelms me and my eyes sting. I push myself against the back of the armchair.

“I want to see if you’re capable in other areas. You’re a smart girl, Abbey. I think you know what I mean.”

I can’t believe this is happening. And I can’t help but think about Carina and Gen and who knows how many others. My stomach roils as the beast lurches.

“I’m not sure that I do.” I can barely make my voice work.

“I’ll give you a hint.”

He puts his hand on my knee and strokes one finger across my skin. The contact sends a crash of disgust through me and the pit monster roars again. Acid burns its way up my throat. Hot saliva pools in my mouth. I will not throw up, I think as I slap his hand away again and stand on shaky legs. My shoulder brushes against him as I scramble toward the door. The contact sends another wave of revulsion.

I take hold of the door handle and press down. As the latch gives, he says, “I’ll give you one more chance, Abbey. You either come back over here and show me what else you can do with that smart mouth of yours, or you’re done.”

He’s out of his mind if he thinks I’d stay. That I’d choose to stay.

I’m going to walk away, but I can’t help but think about the women who didn’t have a choice.

I pull open the door and rush through the sea of cubicles, back to the safety of the lifestyles department, and make it to Kim’s office in time to vomit into her wastebasket.

The rest of the morning is a blur. Kim shuts her door and holds me while I shake. But I don’t cry; I’m too angry to cry. Once I’ve gotten myself under control, I tell her everything.

“Oh, hon,” she says. “When I got in this morning, I saw that he’d canceled the meeting, which was obviously a load of bullshit. I’m so sorry.”

Kim calls Barbara from HR, who arrives several minutes later out of breath, a pair of readers perched on her frosted blonde bob. She fidgets with a pearl button on her black cardigan.

“Ryan has informed me that today is your last day, Abbey,” she says. “We’ve all enjoyed working with you, and we wish you the very best in your future endeavors.”

A waterfall of alarm rushes through my entire body. She must be kidding. This can’t be happening.

I’ve never lost a job before. In fact, other than babysitting and that one summer after high school graduation when I cleaned houses, I’ve only ever had one other job, at Mr. Movies. This isn’t how things were meant to go today. I was supposed to meet with Ryan and Kim, and they would tell me how impressed they were by recent articles and my work ethic. Ryan would offer me the position and welcome me to his team.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I can’t even put a name to it.

Kim does. “This is sexual harassment, Barbara.” My stomach lurches. “Coercion. It’s not okay, and you know it.”

“Thank you for your input,” Barbara says, then turns back to me. “Here’s your last paycheck. This isn’t standard procedure when a person leaves without notice, but I’ve made the executive decision to include the remainder of this pay period as well as all unused vacation, PTO, and sick pay.”

“Hold on,” Kim interrupts. “You’re terminating her? She didn’t do anything wrong!”

“According to Ryan, she voluntarily resigned.”

No. Nothing about this is voluntary.

I can’t lose my job. I have student loans! And rent, and that one credit card that I used at the ATM every week of senior year, and cover charges and concert tickets and CDs. Gas and groceries. Flowers. This can’t happen.

But I also can’t stay here with that slime Ryan Bradford.

“Barbara—” Kim starts.

Barbara cuts her off. “And because you’re so close to your anniversary date, I’ve included the vacation pay that you would have earned. There’s a second check as well. A… severance benefit.”

“What the hell?” Kim lights a cigarette.