Page 101 of I’m Already Gone

She gives me a loving, understanding smile, the kind that only a best friend can provide. “Yeah, something like that. And honestly? I’m happy for you, Lils. And I’m so happy for your kids, too.”

I swallow, a sudden lump of fear and weariness forms in my throat. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Eb.”

Ebony turns off the water, dries her hands, and pulls up a seat beside me. She takes my hand in hers, squeezing it lightly.

“Hey,” she says. “He needs you just as much as you need him. Start with that. And everything else? It’ll fall into place. Maybe not the way you expect it to, because life never works like that. But as long as the important pieces connect, the ones that truly matter, it won’t be perfect, but it’ll be enough. Exactly what you both need to get through this—together.”

God, it’s getting harder to resist him when he’s sleeping in the room across from me, knowing he’s right there. And he doesn’t know, but I can always feel him when he checks in on me at night. There have been so many moments I wanted to beg him to climb into bed with me and hold me. Ethan has a way of comforting me that gets me out of my own head, out of the constant loop of doubt. Could I really give him a second chance?

“Mom! Are the cookies ready?” Maddy bursts into the kitchen, skidding to a halt and dramatically bracing herself against the archway frame.

“Auntie Eb just popped them in a few minutes ago, sweet pea. While we wait, do you want to help Sam pick out a movie?”

“Yeah. Ooh, where is Auntie Sam? Auntie Saaam!” Maddy hollers, spinning around on one foot. She barrels right into Sam, who’s just stepping into the kitchen, holding Ollie’s hand.

“Good grief, girl.” Sam chuckles, steadying herself.

“Sorry,” Maddy mutters.

“Hey, Maddie, can you do me a favor and take Ollie into the living room? Maybe get the blankets and pillows ready?” Sam suggests.

“Sure. You’re bringing snacks, right, Mom?” Maddy turns to me, her expression dead serious.

“Of course I am. I’m not a psycho.” I give her a wink, making her grin widen.

Maddy takes Ollie’s hand. “Come on, little brother. Operation Movie Night is a go!”

“I’m picking the movie!” Ollie calls out.

I raise my hand to my chest, rubbing away the annoying phantom pain that seems to make an appearance every time I let fear of my illness creep in.

What if the chemo doesn’t take? If I don’t survive this, will my children be okay? Will Ethan take Ollie as his own? Will Ollie remember me? What about Sam and my parents?

“You good, sis?” Sam asks, her brow furrowed.

I offer a small smile. “Yeah. I’m tired is all.”

She studies me for a beat, before accepting my answer. “Okay. Well, I’ll be back in a sec to help get the rest of the snacks.”

I watch her go, and something heavy settles in my chest, like a weighted blanket I didn’t ask for.

“She seems to be taking this in stride,” Eb says after a beat pulling me from my thoughts.

“Yeah. I think having Ethan here convinced her he’s got everything taken care of,” I reply, taking another long drink of my water, wishing it were something stronger.

Ebony sighs. “She’s tough, Lil. Sometimes you underestimate her resilience.”

“You didn’t see her fall apart when she first found out I had cancer,” I counter, turning fully to my best friend, my voice dropping to a near whisper. “She’s good at hiding it. And that is what I’m afraid of.”

Ethan

“I’ve gotta hand it to you, man,” Marcus says with a grin. “The buzz cut really suits you.”

A chuckle slips past my lips.

I lean back in the booth we’re sharing at one of the local bars we used to frequent back in the day.

“In all seriousness, though, what you and Jake did for Lily was pretty amazing.”