Page 149 of I’m Already Gone

“Thank you.”

“I’m going to check on Lily, okay?” she says.

“Can the kids say goodbye first?” I ask her, my voice strained.

“Of course. Take all the time you need.”

I turn to Jake and Maddy. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Maddy, her face still tear-streaked, shakes her head vigorously. “No, no. I don’t want to see her that way.”

“That’s okay, sweet pea,” I say. “There are other ways to say goodbye to your mom.”

“Like what?” she asks, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes.

“You can write her a letter, draw her a picture, or we can plant a memory garden in her honor.”

The dimness in her eyes recedes a fraction, replaced by a tiny spark of light. “Like a lily and rose garden?”

“Exactly. Whatever you want it to be.”

“She would like that,” she whispers, a small, fragile smile touching her lips.

“Yes, she would love it,” I add.

“Come on, Maddy. Let’s go join Sam and Ollie,” Jake says, his voice still hoarse, ushering her gently. But before she leaves, Maddy throws herself into my arms. “I love you, Daddy. I’m sorry you lost Mom, too.”

I close my eyes, holding her tight. “Me too, sweet pea. Me too. I love you so much.” Giving her one last, lingering squeeze, I let her go, watching them walk into the kitchen.

Once Jake and Maddy are gone, I turn to the nurse, my shoulders slumping, the last of my resolve crumbling. “I’m ready.”

She gives me a sad, understanding smile. I lead her and the two men down the hall toward our bedroom.

I push open the door, and the familiar, comforting scent of lavender hits me hard. My eyes lock onto Lily, who now has a pristine white sheet drawn up to her chin. Sam’s last act of love, I realize.

The nurse walks to the bed and leans over Lily, placing a finger on her neck, a silent confirmation of what we already knew. Then she retrieves her stethoscope, pressing the diaphragm to Lily’s chest for a moment, listening to the absence of her beating heart, before tucking it away.

“Ethan,” the nurse says, her voice still soft. “These men will now place Lily onto the gurney and drive her to the funeral home for preparations.”

Reluctantly, I give a slight nod. I take a step closer to the bed and look down at Lily, my eyes tracing every beloved feature.

I swallow a lump, a jagged stone in my throat, and lean down one last time and whisper, “Your fight is over, Sunshine. You can rest now. We are going to be okay.”

I press my lips to hers, a final, desperate kiss. They are cold, so incredibly cold.

The shock of it, the absolute, undeniable finality, makes me break down all over again, a fresh wave of agony washing over me, consuming me whole.

She’s gone.

My Lily is gone.

Goodbye, Sunshine.

Ethan

The staff slowly and smoothly uses a lever to release the straps and lower the dark purple casket into the earth. The subtle mechanical whirring sound is like a hammer blow to my already shattered heart.

After the official service, we gathered for a private burial, just as Lily wished. It was a solemn, intimate moment, a final opportunity for our family to say their goodbyes.