Page 154 of I’m Already Gone

“Hey!” Sam calls out from the shoreline, her voice carrying over the waves. She treads through the soft sand, kicking it up around her ankles, until she’s on the steps, a little out of breath. “What are you all up to?”

“Talking to Mom,” Ollie says, gesturing at the bear.

Her eyes glisten, and she gives me a wobbly, heartfelt smile.

Sam took a significant step in her career by opening her own therapy practice, where she dedicates herself to providing emotional support to families who have lost someone to death. Two years ago, Sam celebrated a beautiful wedding and began a new chapter with her husband, Logan. Together, they decided not to have children but instead have focused on making a difference and traveling the world. “What’s going on here?” Maddy’s voice rings out, followed by Jake and their children, as they join us on the porch, towels draped over their shoulders.

“Talking to Mom,” Ollie replies again.

Maddy and Jake’s eyes soften, glancing at the bear nestled in my arms, and they both offer quiet, knowing smiles.

Our world shattered the day Lily left us. We clung to each other, trying to breathe through one unbearable moment after another. I remembered the vow I made to her, promising that I would keep living for both of us, and that her light would never fade. The only way I could manage to put one foot in front of the other was by honoring her memory. Otherwise, I would have been swallowed whole by my overwhelming grief, breaking my promise.

“Wow,” Maddy breathes, pulling me away from my thoughts. “Is it just me, or did the sun suddenly get brighter?”

I lift my gaze to the sky, a soft smile playing on my lips despite the heaviness resting in my heart. I can almost feel her presence, my Sunshine, as if she’s watching over us from somewhere among the stars, just as she promised she would.

“I wonder what you’re doing in heaven, Lily. Is there a place to watch the sunset and sunrise? Are you baking? Are you older like me, or did time freeze and keep you at the same age you left us at?” A soft sigh escapes my lips as I lie in the bed we once shared.

“I suppose you’ll share those answers with me when I finally join you.” Holding the soft bear in my arms, I turn my gaze toward the window. A deep, gnawing pressure weighs down on my chest that feels as if my heart is breaking all over again.

“Even though life has been good with our family, there was always something missing since you left this earth.”

I hold the stuff animal tightly and let the tears flow, wishing Lily were here with us.

To create new memories together.

To see our children fall in love, to share in their joy, and her wisdom.

To hold our grandchildren in her arms.

To share countless sunsets and sunrises.

To feel the sand between our toes, the ocean breeze on our skin, and make love on the beach.

To grow old together.

To share our final moments.... together.

Forever.

Maddy

An uneasy feeling wakes me from a deep sleep like a thief in the night.

I blink, trying to clear the lingering fog. I turn my head to see James, my husband, still dead to the world, snoring softly on his back.

Sunlight, bright and cheerful, streams through the window. It makes me smile, a bittersweet pang in my chest, thinking about how Mom always loved a sunny morning.

I shimmy out from under the covers, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My feet hit the cool floor with a thud. I pad into the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face, brushing my teeth, and twisting my hair into a messy bun.

Grabbing my comfy robe from behind the door, I shrug it on and step out of the room. Everyone else seems to be sleeping, which means it is the perfect time to get breakfast going without a stampede.

But as I enter the hallway, Ollie and Jake emerge from their rooms, looking as rumpled and disoriented as I feel.

“Morning,” I say.

Ollie runs both hands through his messy hair, making it stand up even more. “Hey. Did… did you wake up with a weird feeling?” he asks.