Page 69 of I’m Already Gone

“Wait? What did you say?” Chemo treatment? No. That can’t be right.

Her smile falters. “The chemotherapy treatment affected her lungs. That’s why she passed out.”

“Ch-chemo treatment as in... for cancer?” The word feels like ash on my tongue.

She nods, her gaze dropping to the chart in her hands. “Yes. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you weren’t aware.”

I am frozen solid. Cancer? My Lily? The sterile walls seem to close in, the humming lights suddenly blinding.

“Ethan!” Sam’s voice cuts through the fog. I slowly turn my head to see Sam, Jake, Maddy, and Lily’s parents hurrying toward us, their faces full of worry.

“How is she?” Coral, Lily’s mom, asks, her voice trembling.

“Cancer?” I spit out. A heavy, suffocating silence follows. It screams volumes. They all knew. Everyone but me. Even my own children. Maddy and Jake look away, their faces etched with guilt.

My eyes snap to Sam. “Lily has cancer?”

“Yes. Breast cancer,” she whispers, her unwavering gaze meeting mine.

I stumble backward, the floor suddenly uneven beneath my feet. My mind goes blank, then races, trying to process the impossible words. “Wh-what? How—” I blow out a breath, a long, shaky exhale that does nothing to quell the tremor starting deep in my chest. I hand Ollie over into Coral’s arms.

I take a few steps toward the small window overlooking the parking lot. Every breath is a fight against the tightness seizing my throat. I brace my hands against the cool sill, keeping my head bowed, my eyes fixed on nothing.

“What stage?” The words are barely a whisper.

“Three,” Sam responds.

My whole body begins to shake violently. She’s been battling this life sentence, this insidious disease, and I have been completely left in the dark.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I demand.

“She was going to,” Sam says, her voice strained. “It was up to Lily, but she was trying to find the right time to tell you.”

“But she’s the mother of my children,” I croak, spinning around to face them. “My children carried this burden without my support. How could she do this?”

“Ethan, for God’s sake, lower your voice,” Richard, Lily’s father, says, stepping in front of me, his body blocking my view of everyone in the room.

His hand clamps down on my shoulder. “Do not react like this in front of your children. Think about them. Look at them, Ethan. This isn’t about you right now. This affects them more than anyone.”

“But she didn’t tell me,” I repeat, my voice cracking on the last word. A fresh wave of betrayal and terror threatens to buckle my knees.

“I understand,” Rick says, squeezing my shoulders. “You need to give her the opportunity to tell you herself. This is your chance to make things right, not just between the two of you, but for your family.”

His gaze is intense and unblinking. “She needs you, Ethan. More than ever.” He glances over his shoulder, then back to me. “They need you.”

He’s right.

My Sunshine needs me.

My children need me.

And come hell or high water, I will never leave them to battle this alone.

Part Two

Lily

Iwake up to voices. My eyelids flutter open, and I look up and see Ethan looking disheveled, his face gray with bags underneath his eyes like he hasn’t slept in days.