Page 81 of I’m Already Gone

The boulder on my chest doesn’t vanish, but it shifts, allowing me to take a shallow breath. “Oh. Okay.” I awkwardly tuck my hands deep into my trouser pockets, trying hard not to pull her into my arms.

“He’s protective of you,” I state.

She smiles, but it’s a faint, wistful expression. “Yes, he is. Just like you were, once.”

The simple statement is a physical blow. My heart doesn’t just sink; it shatters, the shards reflecting the years of pain and disappointment I caused her.

She must see the self-loathing flash across my face because she unfolds her arms and takes a step forward.

“I didn’t mean to say it to hurt you, Ethan. I just meant that he’s a lot more like you than you know. And I think sometimes Jake doesn’t realize that either,” she clarifies, her voice softer.

I shake my head, the shame burning hot in my face. “I really am sorry, Lily. Words can never express how deeply sorry I am that hurt you.”

I want her to know that I hate myself for that night. The night I let her walk away from me.

She nods slowly, wiping away a single tear that has fallen down her cheek. “I know you are, Ethan. I know.”

I swallow hard, tasting bile and regret. I take a hesitant step forward. “Do you think you could give me a second chance… as your husband?” I ask in, terrified of the answer, yet knowing I deserve the rejection if it comes.

She sighs, a long, weary sound that carries the weight of everything we’ve lost. Lily slants her head, studying me, her eyes unreadable.

“Let me rephrase that,” I rush. “Do you see yourself ever giving us a second chance?”

She blinks, her brow furrowing. “Why would you even want to?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper.

“Why would I want to? What do you mean, ‘why would I want to’?”

“Because of Ollie.”

“What about Ollie?” I ask.

“Can you really accept him? Without any resentment?” she pushes, her gaze searching mine. “Ethan, I had a one-night stand with another man.”

“You want the truth?” I ask, meeting her gaze.

“Yes.”

“When I first found out you were pregnant, yeah, I’m not going to lie, I was hurt. Devastated, even. Because we’d talked about having more kids.” I pause, taking a shaky breath.

“But after a while, I realized it was my fault our marriage failed. I don’t blame you for that night, for Ollie. I blame myself,” I say, pressing my hand against my chest, right over my heart.

In two long, decisive strides, I close the remaining distance. I cup her face, my thumbs resting just beneath her cheekbones. I hold her gaze, staring into those incredible silver eyes.

“I will always want you, Lily. Always. And honestly? Ollie is a bonus.”

A wave of fresh tears spills over her lower lids.

“I know you’re not ready to hear this,” I continue, my voice rough, “but I love you so much.”

She tries to pull free, but I hold her gently in place. “I never stopped loving you. Being away from you, away from our kids, it killed me. I hated every second. You will never know how sorry I am for the way I treated you before the divorce. But I promise I will spend the rest of your life proving that I can be whatever you need me to be. To make you smile. To make you laugh. To bring sunshine back into your life.”

I swipe away the tears beneath her eyes. “If there’s one thing I know I did right, it was falling in love with you,” I whisper, sucking in a ragged breath. “Please, Lily. Please find it in your heart to forgive me one day.”

She doesn’t respond, only stares at me as if searching for the truth in my words.

“I’ll do right by you, I promise,” I plead, trying to pour every drop of truth and desperation into the words.

She covers my hands where they rest on her cheeks, her touch featherlight. She whispers, “I know, Ethan.”