Page 94 of I’m Already Gone

“Of course I can. It’s just so hard. With everything you’ve been through.”

“I know, Mom. It’s hard on everyone. But it will be okay. I’m stronger than you think,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.

She manages a wet chuckle and pats my cheek. “I know you are. I love you so, so much, Lily. I could never ask for a better daughter. You are so full of love, sunshine, and strength. This cancer…” Her voice cracks and she sits back, framing her face with her hands, shaking her head side to side. “You don’t deserve this,” she sobs, the sound raw and broken. This time, I break too.

Suddenly, she surges forward, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. My hands clutch the fabric of her sundress, and we cry.

We cry for the wounds of the past.

We cry for the unrelenting pain of the present.

We cry for our broken, fearful hearts.

And we cry for the strength we desperately need to face the days ahead.

Ethan

Three days later

“How is she doing?” Coral asks, her gaze fixed on the landing upstairs where Lily is sleeping.

I drag both hands down my stubbled face. “She’s sound asleep.”

After the treatment, Lily passed out cold on the ride back. I didn’t have the heart to disturb her, so I carried her up to her bedroom. She felt impossibly light in my arms, and that hit me hard. I sat there in the heavy silence for what felt like twenty minutes, just watching her breathe, waiting to see if she needed anything right away. She was shivering, so I dug out the thickest comforter she owned and wrapped her up like a burrito.

“Thank you, Ethan. For being here with her.”

She turns to face me. The hallway light catches the wet, shining tracks of tears streaming down her cheeks. Without a word, I close the distance and pull my ex-mother-in-law into my chest.

“Hey,” I murmur. “She’s strong. You know that.”

She squeezes me tight, the pressure an acknowledgment of all the history, all the years we’ve spent as a family, before pulling back just enough to look me in the eye. “Yeah, she is. Stubborn as hell, too. Takes after her father.”

I let out a low, genuine laugh, the first one all day. “That too.”

“I know things have been strained between you two for a long time now,” she says softly, her eyes searching mine. “And I know you carry guilt, Ethan. But for what it’s worth, I’m grateful your love is still there. She needs that right now.”

“My love for her never left.”

A sad, knowing smile graces her lips. “Neither did hers, Ethan.”

I shove my hands deep into my jean pockets and let out a long, shuddering breath.

“I don’t think she loves me anymore,” I admit. “Not the way she used to, and I don’t blame her for that. Not after everything.”

Coral watches me for a minute, her expression softening with familial pity. “You really don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?”

“Lily’s love for you never died, Ethan. Just because a car stops running, it doesn’t mean you can’t buy the parts to make it run again. It just needs maintenance. You have to maintain it to keep it from going kaput for good.”

The reference makes me grin, despite the circumstances. My plan is to do whatever it takes to prove to Lily that I’m worth keeping around. I’ll do absolutely anything to keep her, to show her how truly sorry I am for hurting her, for abandoning her. Abandoning our family.

“I’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen,” I promise her.

“See to it that it doesn’t.” She gives me a relief-filled smile, but it quickly fades, replaced by momentary uncertainty. “I’d like to stay for a while, if that’s okay. Just until the kids are settled.”

“Of course, stay as long as you want.” I look down at my watch. The afternoon is slipping away.