Page 26 of Up In Flames

“I should have cornered you sooner.”

“Or not at all. Maybe ignorance was bliss.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t want to derail her, and I don’t think she’s finished yet.

And I’m right. Her smile fades, and she stares into her glass again. “I’m sorry for blaming you for being disgusted by my actions, Sampson.”

I inch closer. “Why were you with them?”

She shrugs. “My home life was bad. My parents were fighting, my dad was cheating, and so was my mom. We didn’t have much money, and I just felt lost, you know? Plus, some of the girls said I was fat, which was just the last straw. When Chris started flirting with me, I felt so relieved, like maybe I wasn’t Giganto the Whale. It felt like… well, like someone finally saw I had some worth and wanted me for it. I’d had a tiny crush on you since the summer before…”

“What?”

She jumps at my exclamation. “Yeah. Just a little one.” She places two fingers close together. “Obviously, I couldn’t do anything about it. I guess some girls can ask boys out, but I’m not that type. I never was. Plus, you didn’t really seem to see me, but Chris did. And as I said, it was a relief to know that I wasn’t so awful looking that no boy would ever want to be with me.”

“But that’s not how it was,” I object.

“No?”

“No.” My voice is firm, but my insides quiver. How did I miss that she had a crush on me, too?

She shrugs again. “Anyway, when you came upon us in the locker room, you looked at me like you knew all along that I was a slut. It gutted me, especially because I had feelings for you.”

The eyes that look up at me are a bruised blue now, like crushed delphinium beneath life’s heel. Tears glisten, and my entire body begins to ache worse than it did from tumbling into the flames with the tree.

“Nina.”

“No, let me get this out, okay? I don’t do self-reflection like this too often. I certainly don’t do admissions.”

Another smile, this one broken.

“I want you to tell me everything,” I assure her. My hand rises with a force of its own to stroke back her beautiful hair from her perfect face. One tiny touch… and it’s not enough.

“After you graduated, I got my act together. My grades improved my senior year, I graduated, I got into UNCS, graduated from there, began writing novels, and submitted one to Person’s Publishing House, got an advance, which is just lunacy, because no one publishes with houses that give advances anymore. I’m making a living with my craft, not a great living, but enough to keep the house I’m renting. It’s where my parents lived. Where my father died. They had debts. It had to be sold, but I’ve managed to get it back, in a way, by renting.” She takes a deep breath and smiles. “And my life is perfect, or should be.”

I nod. “Go back to that day. Tell me about that day.” Because that’s where we started and ended. I need to know everything she was thinking.

Her expression falls. “I went out on small dates with Chris… three, I think, before he convinced me that I was hot enough to handle hanging out with him and his best friend. Reverse Harem books were just getting popular, and I thought, ‘Hey, that girl could be me. Two football players, both of them devoted to me, wanting to take care of me. That will show those girls who’s fat and who’s not.’ Except, the reality was different.” Her eyes bruise again. “Chris and Bruce weren’t there to make me the center of them. They were there to use me. I saw that like a sign in neon flashing lights the moment you screwed up your nose at us. The way you looked at me, Sampson, like I was such a fool...”

If I could find language foul enough, now would be a good time to let loose a string of blistering curses. “Nina, I’m sorry. You deserved better than that. Better than them, and better than me making you feel bad.”

“Better than them, for sure. But it was a learning experience.” She takes another small sip of her wine before shaking her head. “It was the first time I realized that fiction is meant to be a safe journey for actions that don’t necessarily translate well to reality. In a way, the experience hooked me on writing my dark vampire romances. People can explore—I can explore—enticing concepts without… tripping up.” She takes another deep breath, fiddles with her glass, and bites her lip before adding, “When you walked in on us, you actually saved me.”

“I did?”

“What did you see?”

“When I walked in on the three of you?” The memory burns inside me. I’ve tried not to think of it all these years, but the moment she asks, the scene unfolds behind my eyes. “Two worthless guys, fondling you. Kissing you. Your shirt was off.”

She nods.

I have to swallow. “You looked up at me and started screaming at me to get out. So, I got out. Fast. That’s all I saw.” Though the scene tattooed into the deepest part of me.

“The moment you turned for the door, I was pushing them away. You weren’t even through it before I was tugging my shirt back on. To be honest, I was already uncomfortable, running on nothing but fear and nerves. You provided a necessary interruption. Plus, seeing it all through your eyes, the disgust… I couldn’t go through with it.”

“Wait.” I slap my glass on the table because I’m afraid I’ll crack the stem otherwise. I angle my knee to face her more directly. “Are you telling me that you didn’t fuck those guys?”

Her eyes widen before she laughs. “You said ‘fuck.’”