Page 13 of Bumpy, the Gargoyle Slayer

I clear my throat, trying not to take in the full banquet spearing up before me. It’s a wonder he doesn’t stake himself with that magnificent wood. Even not looking at it directly is too much like staring obliquely at the full sun—there’s too much power radiating from his dick. It’s long, wide enough to do damage, and ropey. I could wrap my lips around that head and feel like I’m sucking my way into eternity.

Damn oral fixation. I’m going to have to find some lollypops to keep my tongue in my mouth for the next month.

I shield my eyes to break the spell. “You could put your pants on now.”

“I could, but where would be the fun in that?”

“Asshole.” Disgusted—I hope—I march right over to the chair on which he earlier piled his clothing and rip off his pants before throwing them at him. Hard.

He catches them with a laugh, but consents to pulling them on while I turn my back.

And seriously, I would never turn my back on a vampire. I’m not completely dumb. But gargoyles… there’s a debate among the paranormal community as to whether or not such creatures truly exist, and if so, whether they land on the side of good or evil. I mean, they’re monsters, right? But the general rule says they’re angel-adjacent, even if few people have ever interacted with them.

So, maybe a little stupid to turn my back on him, all things considered, but not completely dumb.

“I’m dressed now.”

But when I rotate, I find mountains of cut abdomen and chest staring me in the face. The fact that his skin is gray doesn’t take away from the luscious display of masculinity before me. In fact, it kind of adds to it.

Keep it in your pants, Bunny.

He sends me one of those long, slow smiles as his amber eyes shoot daggers into mine just exactly as if he can read my thoughts.

“Can you read my mind?”

“No, but you possess a very expressive face. And that pout that you’re giving me now? That pout can raise armies, Bumps.”

I grit my teeth, ignoring the wave of pleasure washing through me at his words. I mean, I know I’m cute-ish. But honestly, waves of male recruits have never lined up to join my cult. It’s kind of refreshing to find a gargoyle so… besotted? No, that’s not the right word. Intrigued?

Closer. And lustful. Definitely. As with men of all Kinds, prurient interest is hard to hide.

My core clenches down as a wave of heat spears through me.

Nope, not going there with my fake gargoyle boyfriend.

He just laughs and throws an arm around me, dragging me into his rock-hard contours. “Come on, Bumps. Let me show you to your room. We’ve got a lot to do to make you into my girlfriend, and not much time in which to do it. Luckily, all these dollars can be spent on a good cause. Who’s your favorite designer?”

“I usually just buy whatever from the thrift store.” Though, I love clothes. In another life, one in which I was born into cash, I could be a fashionista.

“We’re keeping the short skirts. I’m definitely a fan of those gams.”

“That’s not only a sexist thing to say, it’s about seventy years out of date.” I ignore the new wave of pleasure sweeping through me. I do have nice legs, but no one ever seems to notice. It’s always my breasts that they’re drawn to. Damn pin-up body.

“You’ve got gorgeous gams, Bumps. You’re going to be the sweetest arm-candy ever escorted.”

Another wave of heat begins melting my resolve. He’s super sexy when he’s complimenting me. Still. I can’t let his words go unchallenged. He might begin to think I like him.

“Are you sure you’re a gargoyle? Like, angel-adjacent? Because I don’t think you’re supposed to be talking to me like you’re ready to throw me down and fuck me. I’m a fake girlfriend, remember?”

“Oh, I remember, but there isn’t a power in this universe that can ignore those curves, little girl. Now, come on. Let’s see about covering them up so I don’t do something incredibly foolish.”

I give up. He’s impossible to talk to. Impossible to hate, actually. He’s just too… too…

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re insane?”

“There’s that pout again. Makes a man want to take a bite of your bottom lip.”

I throw my hands up in the air and glare at him, not that it does any good. He just winks at me.