Page 5 of Bumpy, the Gargoyle Slayer

“You’re so fine,” the prostitute says, his voice strangely full. He reaches through the bars of his cell, trying to reach the billionaire vampire, or maybe only pet his expensive suit, but then he backs away.

In fact, they all do. All the criminals in the cell next to mine living-dead-shuffle to the far corner of the cell where they line up like pins facing the wall.

And thirst-trap? He doesn’t look away from me. He doesn’t move a muscle.

“What did you do?” I demand.

“We need to speak. They’re annoying.”

Swallowing is hard. So is breathing. Luckily, I’ve been trained to keep going even through loss of life and limb, so I manage to grit out, “Nifty trick, vampire. What, can’t handle people without using mind control?”

A slow smile spreads the billionaire’s beautiful features. “Not a vampire, Bumpy.”

“Right. And the name’s Bunny, not Bumpy. Perv. You must have been fired for harassment from every job you’ve ever worked at.”

“Not so much fired as let go. For a time. I may be able to go back one day, but right now, let’s call me freelance.” Maybe it’s my imagination, but he suddenly looks sad, like his whole world burned, leaving him nothing but ashes.

Damned vampire tricks. He’s messing with my emotions now, trying to make me feel sorry for him. Well, it’s not going to work.

“Yeah, well, probably for harassment,” I mutter, as I lean back against the brick wall behind me and fold my arms over my chest in some sort of mirror thing that he’s obviously making me do.

When I was processed, they took my six-inch crucifix, empty bottle of holy water, string of garlic, and some splinters of the stake that lodged in my sweater. Currently, I’ve got no defenses against the guy. Not a physical weapon, not a mental one.

A little help, Mom and Dad?

Mr. Seductive laughs like I’m the funniest thing he’s seen in ages. “How old are you, Bumpy?”

“Old enough to shove my foot up your ass.”

“Tch, tch. Language. I won’t stand for rudeness, either.”

“Then have a seat, asshole. You’ve earned a lot more language from me before you manage to sink your teeth into my neck.” Great, Bunny, give the vamp ideas. Way not to pass Slayer 101.

“We’ll work on your tongue.” And damn, he makes that sound sexual. “Forget age. It’s not relevant so long as you’re a legal adult?” He raises his brows.

Despite myself, I nod.

“Good. Well, I’m here because you’ve placed me in an awkward position.”

“Really?” I perk right up, sitting straighter. “How awkward? Can it be called dangerous?”

“Dangerous enough to the world that I’m willing to consider an insane plan just to quiet my shareholders. There’s a battle between Good and Evil playing out, little girl. I can’t afford to allow the bad guys to win at their schemes, which they’ll do if I don’t present an alternative that people trust, which means they have to trust me.”

“Yada, yada, yada. Sure, you’re an angel.”

“Angel adjacent.” He sends me another grin, one that shivers in my bones. I only wish it was out of fear. “Now, if I ask the guard to escort you to a private room for a private conversation, are you going to comply like a good girl, or are you going to misbehave?”

And right there all his vamp tricks coalesce into one smooth slide of honeyed warmth from my core as he tempts me with his sexually suggestive words. I’m already picturing being tied up and spread wide while he rubs my butt in preparation for a spanking.

Yeesh, the guy could give lessons in seduction to virgins.

“I’m not a virgin.”

Damn it… did I really just say that?”

“Excellent news, as I prefer a woman with experience, though I still fear that you’re too young for this to work.”

I shoot up onto my feet. “Whoa. I am not sleeping with you, asshole.”