Page 66 of No Going Back

Guy struggled to breathe. She didn’t say a word as he stood and took her with him, or when he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

In silence, they lay on the bed, grieving together and consoling one another, until Guy found his voice, gravel-rough with emotion, once more. “I should have been there for you. I wish I had been, but I’m glad you weren’t alone.”

“Mikhail was a good friend, and a safe place for me, both before and after the baby. London didn’t know anything apart from the intel I sent back. I couldn’t let my personal situation interfere with the mission. What I was doing was too important.” She gave a short, humourless laugh. “You don’t need me to tell you how it goes.”

No, he didn’t. Their work had saved lives—sometimes dozens, sometimes thousands—but it also created casualties among those who fought in the front lines.

“You told me your cover was blown.”

She nodded. “Mikhail investigated, as much as he could, but he never found out exactly what happened. All I know is, someone informed on me.”

As he listened to Maddie’s story, Guy fought back wave after wave of grief and rage. When her true identity became known to the group she’d been reporting on, their response was swift and without mercy. He listened with mounting horror as she told him of the nightmares she still had, about the agony of the three days she’d been held captive before Mikhail and his team had discovered where she was being held and come to her rescue.

“The scars.”

Again Maddie nodded. “Mikhail made sure I got the medical attention I needed, and used his influence to deflect any awkward questions. We both knew my time there was limited after that. Mikhail liaised with London to expedite my return, but then the threats against his daughter started. Yana was little more than a baby when her mother died, and when he realised she was at risk because of him, Mikhail asked me to bring her back with me.”

“Did you love him?”

He hoped for a denial—what he got was a non-answer.

“Until you and I scened… I hadn’t been with a Dom since you.”

“That isn’t what I asked, Madeleine.”

She shuddered in his arms. “In a fashion, but not the way I love you. Our relationship was vanilla. Yes, I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him.”

The sting in his eyes wasn’t tears. Sadists like him didn’t cry. “Have you been in touch with him since you left Moscow?”

“Yes, but not for the reasons you think. He keeps me updated with intelligence reports on Bratva activities that might affect Yana, but that’s all. There’s no exchange of personal information. We decided—all three of us—that to keep Yana safe, we had to break off all obvious contact of a personal nature. She hasn’t seen or spoken to her father in over eight years.”

“How old is she?”

“In her early thirties now. When we got back, I set her up with a new identity and a place to live in London. She found herself a job, and once I was satisfied she was established, I cut off all contact, except for giving her a number to call in an emergency. I also told her what to do immediately if she needed help and there was a delay in getting that help to her. In essence, she’s been alone since we came back, except for the life she’s made for herself.”

Though his emotions were all over the place, Guy still recognised how much Maddie had accomplished for both herself and the young woman who’d needed her help. “You did a good job.”

“Up to now, maybe. I’m afraid for her, though. They threatened her because her father was becoming more prominent and influential. He’s the Police Commissioner now, and while he remains in post, the threat’s greater than ever, if they do ever find out how to get to her.”

“He never thought of resigning?”

“Would you? Mikhail isn’t the type to back down from his responsibilities. He won’t betray his principles.” Maddie’s smile was almost wistful. “He’s a lot like you.”

“I wish I could thank him for taking care of you.” If the words coming out of his mouth shocked him, the sincerity behind them was just as big a surprise.

Maddie was equally stunned, but swiftly regained some composure. “So where do we go from here?”

Guy took her hand in his, twining their fingers together. “I ask you if you can forgive me for not being the man you needed me to be. For being a monumentally self-obsessed prick back then.”

Love and forgiveness were in the gift of her kiss. “As if you needed to ask. I love you. I never stopped loving you. It seems to me, we both made mistakes. Back then, we didn’t communicate the way we should have, and I don’t want us to repeat that mistake now. But if you need to ask forgiveness, then so do I.”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t work like that. It’s my job to take care of you, and I didn’t. I failed you and our baby. Can you find it in your heart to give me another chance?”

Maddie laid her hand over his heart and looked into his eyes, before touching her lips to his. “Always.”

“How can I make this right?”

“You don’t have to.”

He shook his head. “I do.”

She sighed. “All right. If you really have to do something—you said you wished you could thank Mikhail. There is something you can do to thank him, and as far as I’m concerned, that’ll make it right.”

“Anything.”

“Help me look out for Yana. I can’t be certain, but… my gut’s telling me the vehicles I’ve seen in the village, the ones that don’t belong, are connected with me. I did what I could to protect Yana when I created her new identity. You know as well as I do, we can always find a way to circumvent the rules. When it came to me, though, I had to go through channels.”

“Those records are supposed to be watertight.”

“Supposed to be. The fact that they’re here must mean they have my location. And if they have one fragment of my new identity, I could be living on borrowed time. If they get to me, they’ll use me to get to her.” Maddie closed her eyes. “I can’t let that happen.”

Neither could Guy. “It won’t. I love you, Madeleine. To get to you, they’ll have to go through me first, and no one goes through me. No one.”