Page 155 of Pucked Around and Found Out

Cas looks at Toren, then back at me.

“Carnage is going to lose his shit,” he observes.

“Carnage can go fuck himself,” I say coldly. “The cunt needs to learn his place, it’s not by her fucking side either.”

I lean down, pressing my lips to Toren's forehead.

“Remember what I said, you don’t get to die unless it's by my hand," I whisper against her skin.

All I know for sure right now is that Fiona Williams is awake and conscious, and I need to hurt her. I need to make her pay for what she did. I release Toren's hand and we head for the door. In the hallway, Carnage is leaning against the wall, coffee in hand. He sees us and his expression darkens.

“You're fucking kidding me,” he says.

This motherfucker has a death wish. “Move,” I order.

“She's unconscious in there and you're leaving,” Carnage says, not moving.

“That bitch is awake and waiting for me,” I say flatly. “And I'm going to make sure she suffers for what she did.”

“By leaving Toren alone,” Carnage says. “By not being here when she wakes up.”

“You're here,” I point out.

“I'm not who she needs!” Carnage snaps. Hearing those words from his mouth gives me sick satisfaction. Good, the cunt knows she doesn’t want his dusty ass. “When she wakes up, she's going to ask for you. And what am I supposed to tell her? That you chose torturing someone over being here? That you left the second you had an excuse?”

“Tell her whatever the fuck you want, I don’t owe you shit. I'm going to make sure the person who tried to kill her and our baby pays for it,” I say coldly.

“By not being here,” Carnage says.

“By eliminating the threat,” I correct.

We stare at each other. All the partnership from the extraction is gone. Just two men who want the same woman.

“You're going to lose her,” Carnage finally says. “Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But eventually, she's going to realize that you're never going to choose her first. And when that happens—when she finally walks away—remember this moment. Remember that you had a choice. And you chose wrong.”

I push forward until we are chest to chest and allow this bastard to see the rage simmering beneath the surface. “It was never a choice where she was concerned,” I grit out through clenched teeth. “Put your nose where it doesn’t belong again and I’ll start a war with Alex by killing you,” I say, and push past him. Cas follows, awkward on his crutch. In the elevator, he looks at me.

“He's not wrong, you know,” Cas says quietly.

“I don't want to fucking hear it, Caspian.”

“I'm saying it anyway,” Cas continues. “Toren almost died. And the second you have an excuse to leave, you take it.”

“Fiona needs to fucking pay,” I say through clenched teeth.

“And Toren needs you,” Cas counters. “But you're choosing revenge. Again. Like you always do.”

“She's unconscious,” I argue. “She won't even fucking know I'm gone. Stop acting like a bitch. This is who I am!”

“Until she wakes up,” Cas fires back. “And then what? When she realizes you weren't there. That you left her alone.”

The elevator doors open. “I don't know how to be anything else,” I snap. “This is who I fucking am, Cas. I’m not a hockey player. I’m not a normal fucking person. I’m the goddamn Don of the Devlin Cosa Nostra and that means something!”

“Learn, Xaden,” Cas implores. “Because right now, you're proving Carnage right. You're proving everyone right. That Xaden Devlin is exactly the monster they think he is. I don’t want you to lose the only good thing you have, brother. You tried to fight against wanting her, you did everything you could but now, it’s time to stop fighting and face your fear. She isn’t going anywhere and nor is that baby.”

We head to the SUV in silence. As Ken drives us toward the address Alex sent, I try not to think about Toren. About her lying in that hospital bed alone with Carnage watching over her. Or about her waking up and asking for me.

I try not to think about Carnage's words. For about three seconds, she wanted me instead of you. Try not to think about the fact that I'm proving everyone right. That I'm choosing darkness over her. Violence over love. Revenge over everything. Because that's who I am. And I don't know how to change.