Page 32 of Melancholia

“I don’t want to ask you, actually.” My voice is soft, and definitely on the side of unfriendly. He follows my gaze as I look around the apartment, and the way he watches me makes me more uncomfortable than it should. “Is she here?” I swear his voice gentles on the question, and his grip on my wrist loosens to become comfortable rather than threatening.

I don’t need to ask who he’s talking about. I hate that he knows this about me, when it’s not something I know how to talk about to anyone other than my therapist. Even then, I always have to swallow back the shame of seeing ghosts that my mind tells me are real. My eyes fall to the floor, though all I can really look at are his shoes and my bare feet. When I tug again, he finally lets go of my arm, allowing me to take a step back.

“No,” I say finally, voice guarded. “And I don’t need your opinions about it. I know they aren’t real. I know my mind is just⁠—”

“I wasn’t going to offer my opinions on the subject of your ghosts,” he interrupts firmly. “I’m not a doctor, and I think you’re assuming too much about what I might say.” That has me glancing up at him, but he turns away, walking to the candle where he stares down at the flame. I stride closer as well, keeping the table between us, suddenly protective of the purple wax encased in glass. It’s cheap, and it isn’t any kind of heirloom. It shouldn’t hold any sentimental value for me.

Yet here I am, standing over it, ready to snatch it away and protect it from him. Like it actually holds part of Elaina. Or at least the memory of her.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Amir says at last, causing me to jerk my face up to look at him in shock. “I won’t ever bother you again. You haven’t told anyone, and I’ll be around long enough to make sure that you won’t change your mind about doing the wrong thing.” He looks up to hold my gaze, then glances away again.

“You…will?” This sounds too good to be true, so I keep my hope guarded and small. That’s all I want. If he’ll just leave me alone, then things can go back to normal. Or at least, as normal as things ever are for me when I jump at shadows and dream of all the things that have sucked in my life. “Is this a trick?”

“Never. But…” Of course there’s a fucking but. God forbid anything in my life comes easy. Even though, in my opinion, I’ve fucking earned something better than this with all the crap I’ve been through.

Frustration rises in my throat, burning alongside the taste of the cake from earlier. “What’s the but?” I demand, voice less threatening than apprehensive. “J-just tell me how to get you out of my life.” I hesitate, but I can’t stop the next word from leaking out as well.

“Please.”

He watches me with his unnerving stare, and he doesn’t seem to even breathe. His stillness is unnatural until he finally opens his mouth to give a small sigh. “So eager to get to it, aren’t you? Alright then.” Without another word, he pulls out the cheap wooden chair at my table, sitting in it and folding his legs like it’s his throne. Hell, Amir even makes it look like one. “One thing. That’s all you have to do. One simple thing, and I’m gone from your life forever. The only time you’ll see me will be when I’m with Hestia.”

That’s still too much for me, but it’s better than nothing. So I nod, leaning back against the fridge to maintain some distance. “What’s the thing?” All kinds of horrifying scenarios go through my head at his words. Will he have me kill someone? Get rid of evidence from a body? Provide an alibi to the cops? God, I don’t want to be an accessory to murder any time soon.

“You’re going to find something for me. Let’s call it a scavenger hunt. If you think of it as a sort of game, then perhaps you’ll have a less miserable time than you would otherwise.”

It takes a few seconds for me to digest the words, and I look up at him, befuddled. “You want me to go on a scavenger hunt for you?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

Amir just shrugs. “Does it matter? If you find what I’m sending you for within the time limit, then you’ll be rid of me. Isn’t that good enough?”

It’s definitely good enough, I tell myself. No matter if I have to play along with some stupid game for his amusement. And how hard can a scavenger hunt really be?

It occurs to me belatedly that I have never, not once in my life, considered myself good at scavenger hunts.

“Find what Andrew was missing when you saw him that night.” Amir’s voice is neutral as he pins me with his gaze. “This should be an easy one for you. It’s fresh in your mind, and I like to think it won’t be that difficult. You should start where I first saw you talking to your ghosts.” Suddenly Amir gets to his feet and walks toward me, causing me to freeze in place against the fridge. Before I can move away, he reaches out to cup my jaw. “Find it before tomorrow at seven pm, and you’ll never have to speak to me again, my little mortician.”

I can do that, I tell myself. It shouldn’t be that difficult. But before I can stop the words, the question comes out anyway: “What if I can’t find it?” Immediately, I regret the words. I don’t want to come off as being full of doubt, or being afraid of him.

Afraid of fucking failure.

But it feels like he was waiting for the question as a sly smile curves over his lips again. “Then you’ll be seeing a lot more of me. Here, at the mortuary, in town…” His thumb strokes against my cheek, and I give a little shiver under his hand.

“So for your sake, I think you should work very hard to find it. I’ll be waiting for you out in the parking lot. Seven pm. Not one minute late.” He leans forward, and for one moment, I think he’s going to kiss me. My heart races for a moment in my chest, and I feel my breath hitch. But Amir just smiles, standing so close that we’re sharing the same air.

“Unless you don’t want me to go away, Nell?” he purrs.

“No.” My denial is immediate, and I jerk back from him, nearly smacking my head against the refrigerator. “I don’t want you in my life, Amir.” My voice is a shaky whisper, but I hold his gaze, trying to convince him I’m not lying.

“Then find what you’re looking for.” His hand slips free, and he turns without another word, once more gazing at the candle. Before I can stop him, he leans down and gently blows it out, and my hands clench at the almost respectful reverence he gives it before heading to the door.

He lets himself out while I’m still standing in my kitchen, frozen. Once again watching the smoke curling up from the candle I always buy to remember my sister on this one day of the year we’ll always share, even if she’s not here and beyond my reach.

13

Unfortunately, I had to sleep. I was exhausted from gritting my teeth and dealing with my birthday, which was made worse by the party and then Amir. I could barely think after he leaves, and I tumbled into bed within the hour, then fell asleep way faster than usual.