Page 55 of Unforgettable Player

“Yeah.” He’s flushing now, his cheeks that adorable pink I love on him. “We’re adults. I’m going back to college in a few weeks, and you’ll be back in California. There’s an expiration date on this thing. If we can’t control ourselves, then time will control it for us.”

I hate how methodical and distant he’s being right now. Talking about ‘us,’ about what happened last night, like it’s a math problem he needs to solve or something he needs to get out of his system.

I’m about to refuse, but when he looks at me, something wavers. “I can’t lose Scout,” he adds. “She’s my best friend and I love her.”

And you don’t love me. Right, got it.

I nod dumbly. What are the options? Say no and have him run away completely? Or say okay, and keep things ‘casual?’ Get to enjoy him a little while longer before he goes back to school and I’m forced back to California. Hanging out with Elliot this summer has been the first time I haven’t felt like a complete loser. When I’ve been able to think about something other than my failures.

“Okay,” I say. “Let’s keep things casual.”

He lets me give him a ride to the library and I grill him on his study schedule to take my mind off the way he looks in my car with his glasses on and his hair a little messy. I can still smell him on my skin. I didn’t want to delay him by taking a shower at his dad’s house. Also, I don’t really want to lose his smell. Are we going to get the opportunity to have sex the way he did last night? Or is it going to be quick, stolen fucks in our clothes from here on out?

“… then I should probably study Japanese grammar.”

Elliot’s voice has been lulling me into a trance while I drive, but I tune in just in time to hear him talking about grammar.

“Why do you need practice Japanese grammar? Didn’t you go to one of those supplementary schools when we were kids?”

He looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “A Hoshūkō~, yeah. How do you know that?”

I laugh. “We grew up together. I know everything about you.”

Is that a blush? He shuffles in his seat.

“I haven’t had someone to speak Japanese with since my mom died. I talk to my grandma in Tokyo sometimes on the phone, but it’s not often enough to stay fluent. I like to practice … to make sure I don’t forget anything.”

I swallow. I’ve never heard him talk about his mom like that. I’m sure he talks to Scout about her, but I guess we don’t have that kind of relationship … or we haven’t until now.

“Doesn’t Scout know any Japanese? That seems like something she’d be good at.”

That sad expression he was wearing when he talked about his mom drops and he smiles. “She learned a bit, but a language like Japanese is a lot. You’d need to put aside an hour or more a day to study all the intricacies of reading and writing, learning Hiragana and Katakana. Plus all the little nuances of speaking.”

I nod. I’m impressed. I know he grew up speaking and reading Japanese, but it’s still cool that he knows two languages when my vocabulary is pretty basic in just one.

“In school, kids laughed at me for bowing over my food, so Scout started doing it, saying Itadakimasu before she ate. She even did it over her juice boxes and Graham crackers.”

I smile. I’ve never heard Elliot say anything in Japanese before and that story about Scout is nice. “She can be like that sometimes.”

“She doesn’t give a shit what people think about her. And she sticks up for her friends.”

I nod. “That’s one of the things I love most about her.”

Elliot is quiet. I clear my throat. “I’m not great at learning languages. I took half a semester in Mandarin in high school and can barely remember three or four phrases.”

“You took Mandarin? Was there a hot teacher or something?”

I laugh. “No. I don’t have a one-track mind, you know.”

“Sorry.” He flashes me a shy smile. “I didn’t think you’d be interested in learning Mandarin.”

“I was, for a little bit. I don’t know why. I guess I thought it’d look good on my college applications.”

“But you’ve always wanted to play hockey. You must have known you’d get an athletic scholarship.”

The admission about Boston sits between us. I’m grateful that Elliot alluded to my scholarships always being a certainty. I shrug.

“I guess I thought if there was a competition between a smart hockey player and a dumb one, I wanted to be the smart one. Not that taking half a semester in Mandarin makes you smart.”