Page 48 of Trivium

“Then why can’t I seem to get it right? Why do I study for hours on end and still fail every assignment we’re given? Second assessments are imminent, and I still can’t create a simple potion. It’s like, I study the instructions until my eyes bleed, and then suddenly when I do it, I can’t remember what to do, like my brain gets foggy. Not to mention, I get my ass kicked every day in Combat training no matter how much I practice. And with what happened during… well… now I’m even more behind.”

“You’re doing well in Strategy, no?”

She was. Kind of. It was the only course she was half decent at. Probably because it required her to think in the moment and not memorize anything new. But if she didn’t turn things around quickly, her time at the Academy would be over before it even really started. She would have to return to the life that she had spent years working to escape. This was her chance to have a completely different life, a more honorable life, and it was slipping through her fingers.

Somewhere in the distance she heard students talking and laughing. Must be nice to not have problems, she thought, envious.

Lennox leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and a loose wave of hair fell on his brow.

“You know what, screw it. Give me that.” She grabbed the rolled herb out of his mouth and inhaled quickly, before she could change her mind. Lennox’s eyes were locked on her lips as he watched her take in the sweet smoke. He shifted slightly, looked away, and cleared his throat. It was the only time Ahmina had seen him look remotely uncomfortable. She handed the herb back to him, coughing into her other hand.

“Sorry,” she said, looking down at the ground. “For what happened in the library. I–I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You never have to say sorry for that.” Lennox took the herb from her gently, his hand lingering on hers.

She felt so stupid. And Lennox was the last person she wanted to see her in such a state. She wasn’t this girl—the one who was always a mess, in need of saving. It was Anastasia that taught her the importance of self-reliance, and Muaka the importance of a strong mind. And here she was, foggy-minded and weak.

The sweet herb calmed her, but it wasn’t strong enough to remove the deep shame that had made a home inside her, growing roots into her soul. She rubbed her temple.

“Sometimes… I feel like I’m never going to live up to Ren’s achievements. I mean, he only just graduated last year and he’s already better than most, if not all, Defenders.”

Ahmina swallowed, listening intently.

“Ren and I grew up together, and sometimes I feel like I’m living in his shadow. So…” He looked her in the eye. “I know what it’s like to feel like you’re working your ass off and nothing you do is good enough. And… I failed my first year here too,” he admitted. “Not everything, just Alchemy.”

She looked up at him. “You did?” How was that possible?

“Yep,” he said with smoke in his throat, smiling.

She eyed him suspiciously. “You never told me that.”

“Why would I? You barely talk to me.”

“You have enough girls who want to talk to you. I’m too busy for that.” She had seen the way girls looked at Lennox, trailing him down the halls.

A small laugh came out with smoke, and he shook his head as he turned back up to the sky. “I don’t want to talk to them. I want to talk to you.”

Ahmina’s stomach danced. “Why?”

He pulled in another lung-full of herb. “Your mind is unique. You see things differently than most people. I like that.”

Right now, all she saw was her own demise.

“Thanks?” Ahmina didn’t know what to say to that, so she watched him thoughtfully, taking the roll from his hands. She felt like she was getting access to another side of Lennox, one he didn’t show to the rest of the world, and she relished it, suddenly appreciative of him. She softened, fighting the urge to reach out and hug him.

They finished smoking in silence, looking at each other occasionally and smiling. The cool night air and Lennox’s laughter made her feel lighter than she had in ages.

“Thanks for…” she was uncertain of what to say, but she wanted him to know how much she appreciated his confession. Because it did make her feel better. “Thanks for sharing that with me. It means a lot.”

They sat there for a moment in silence, a shared understanding bridging between them, before he snuffed out the roll and popped up from the table. “Come on, stress case, let’s get you to bed.”

When they finally made it back to the dorm, she spun to look at Lennox, planting a kiss on his cheek before she could overthink it. The sweet tea herb had made her relaxed and reckless, but she was too exhausted to care. For once, she just wanted to feel, not think.

“Thank you for what you did, in the forest.” Finally saying it made her feel raw and exposed.

“Try to stay away from Vipers next time, yeah? I prefer to use my mouth for more… enjoyable things.” His eyes flared, causing her cheeks to flush.

“Let’s never talk about this again,” she said as she turned to face her door, sliding her key into the lock. Lennox grabbed her arm gently, prompting her to turn back around. His lips were inches from hers.