Page 96 of Seale the Deal

She turns to me, hands on her hips. How could you not name them after Santa’s reindeer?

I gesture to the reindeer. That one’s Sleepy. That’s Grumpy. Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey, Happy, Doc… and Bob.

Bob?

I shrug. Eight reindeer. Only seven dwarves.

She narrows her eyes. And weirdly, the grumpy one is Happy.

I laugh, and she grins at me. Our eyes catch and hold. Suddenly, everything in me wants to pull her close. To kiss her. To finish what we started the other night in my room. I want to feel her pressed against me again. I want to do everything she’ll allow without hesitation this time.

But then I think about what it would cost her. So I hold up the bucket of feed instead.

Want to feed them?

She beams. Absolutely!

I’ll show you.

I walk the fence line and hold the bucket toward the reindeer. Three of them approach, and Wrenley is instantly entranced. She links her arm through mine in pure wonder, and my heart kicks up a notch. The floral, nutty soap she uses drifts to my nose, and damn. If I only got to smell this for the rest of my life, I’d die a happy man.

That’s a good girl, Bashful, I murmur as she nibbles from my hand.

Wrenley smiles. How do you know their names?

I worked here, I say. I watched these guys grow up.

Did you do that while you were at school? she asks.

I nod. I had a hard time living away from Alpine Harbor.

Why?

I take a breath. I felt a little lost in life at the time. I took a year off of school before ultimately going back and finishing my renewable resource degree, and I credit this place for that. Being around animals taught me a lot about my responsibility as a steward of this land.

Wrenley tilts her head. Responsibility?

Yeah. I look at the herd. People sometimes assume that because I hunt, I see animals as resources, but it’s kind of the opposite. Hunting taught me to respect them. To understand where food comes from and that if we want future generations to have healthy herds and healthy ecosystems, we have to take care of them. It’s about being respectful; you don’t take without giving back.

Aren’t these reindeer victims of being taken? she asks. They live behind fences instead of out in the forest.

No. They’re not, I say. They came from a herd that was poached and were too young to survive on their own. Sometimes respecting wildlife means protecting animals from people. It’s a balance between knowing when to leave them alone and when to step in.

She nods slowly. Why did you leave?

I look out at the reindeer, trying to figure out what to say. I know I handled things between me and Aurora badly, and there are things I wish I had done differently. At the same time, the older I get, the further I get from that twenty-three-year-old version of myself.

I know Wrenley is going to leave, only lately, it’s not so much an abstract thought as it is something that I’m starting to feel the weight of. Every time I think about the wedding, it feels like the start of the end. No matter how much I dread the day she leaves Alpine Harbor, I’m not going to ask her to give up the life she’s planned for herself.

I broke up with my girlfriend, I answer, simply and honestly.

Wrenley’s big brown eyes stay on me. And living here without her was hard?

You could say that. I look out to the pasture, following Bashful as she walks across the enclosure. She had a life to live, and I could never be part of it.

That must’ve been tough.

I shrug. I also know my lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I’m a hunter, a gatherer. I want simplicity. I don’t need next-day delivery or even reliable internet. She needed more, and I wanted her to have it.