Page 43 of Crowned In Sin

My brother may feel that I have humiliated him, but it would have been worse had I met them in the garden as planned. He would surely have seen the recognition on Cora’s face when she looked upon me. He might even have assumed more, and he would have been correct.

And then she would have to witness our falling out.

Perhaps I was a coward. Perhaps I am a bastard. Perhaps I am only telling myself that it is better this way because I cannot go back and do it over.

I look over the gardens and force myself to consider the idea.

If I could, would I do things differently? Would I go back and wait in the garden? Would I risk my brother’s humiliation at such a moment instead of making it come more quickly?

No. I do not think I would. Jasper might have blamed both me and Princess Cora for what we found together in the secrecy of her chamber. My brother may reach the conclusion that some blame rests with her, but for now I have saved him from that.

I’ve bought us time, if nothing else.

As I stand at the balcony, there is a commotion below me. A raised voice, followed by others.

My brother strides out into the garden with several servants in tow.

“I need nothing,” he insists, his voice carrying to where I stand on the balcony. I can tell he is close to losing his temper. “If I have need of something, I will send word. Thank you,” he says, then turns away from them all and stalks into a narrow hall. My chest tightens at the sight of him. I’ve been his undoing. I didn’t wish to cause him pain, I merely wished to soothe my own.

I step back from the balcony. There’s not much shade to hide me, but I move closer to the wall, nonetheless. This is a habit I’ve had since we returned from battle—since Jasper returned from battle, and someone who is not quite me returned with him.

I don’t fear that he might see me. I only wish to give him the privacy he so clearly desires.

Though part of me wishes I could go to him and speak to him as I used to. With my voice, not with words written on paper. If my voice had not been ruined by my injuries, perhaps Jasper would be able to hear the truth in what I said.

Jasper walks about the paths in the garden. He disappears from view and reappears as he crosses through the hedges, his expression stormy.

People stir once more by the door below me. This time, when the servants appear, it is with much more seriousness.

The king enters the garden. The servants fall silent as he passes, then remove themselves from the path, other than two of his men, who follow closely behind him.

“Prince Jasper,” the king calls to my brother, who stops at the end of a path and bows to him. “Come walk with me. I wish to have a word with you.”

I do not stay to watch my brother speak to the king. I slip back into the palace, my mind no more changed than it was when I came out onto the balcony.

I did what needed to be done for Princess Cora. If I had not, she would have given herself to whomever caught her fantasy. The princess might have ended up with someone else—not Jasper, and certainly not me. I would never let that happen.

She was always meant for the both of us.

Chapter 19

Cora

“No, no.” I wave Isabel off. “I’ll be fine. I am quite all right.”

I take several deep breaths and attempt to compose myself, but I only break down sobbing again.

The two men I love. Brothers. At war with one another. Hearing Jasper banish Casen… it’s as if I felt the strike of his condemnation myself.

Isabel murmurs some comforting sounds and swoops in again with a damp cloth. She dabs my face, though there is no point to it. I cannot stop the tears. I’ve posted my maids outside my chambers to ensure I’m not disturbed, and I fear that I will need to keep them posted there forever.

It hurts. The pain in my heart is unrelenting. It is merciless. I wish I could go back. I wish it never got this far. It is my fault for not being more honest with them both.

After a time, Isabel coaxes me to come out of my washroom and into my chamber. We walk together as we would in the garden, albeit in much smaller circles.

“I don’t know how to fix this. I wish I could climb down the side of the castle and disappear,” I tell Isabel when all my efforts fail.

“Do you? If you do, Cora, I will find a way to get us both down.”