Page 156 of Godless Saints

I stayed buried in the pillow. “I’m so tired,” I whispered, eyes closed.

Cillian’s hands kept moving, kneading the knots along my back.

“I know,” he said quietly, lips brushing the back of my neck. “I see you fighting it every day. The weight they put on you since you were a kid.”

I turned my face just enough to look at him. “You’re a fucking golden retriever, aren’t you?”

Cillian smiled. “I keep bringing myself back to you, don’t I?”

I pushed up. Cillian let me, shifting so we sat side by side on the edge of the bed. The silence stretched. I wanted to say it. Needed to. But Mother’s voice was still in my head and I couldn’t fucking shake it. Say it. Before you ruin this too.

Cillian’s gaze sharpened. “Moon.”

“Everything’s fine,” I blurted. “Long trip. Jet lag.”

He didn’t look convinced. “Baby, I can see the cogs turning.”

I rolled my eyes, heart hammering against my ribs. “I love you, Cillian.”

He didn’t speak right away. I wanted to crawl out of my body.

“You’re taking way too long,” I muttered.

Cillian took my hand, lacing our fingers together. “A chroí.” He kissed my knuckles. “I love you too.”

I held on tighter. This was my first time loving a man. Really loving one. The shame still lingered at the edges, drilled into me since childhood. But I squeezed his hand harder, trying to push it down. Cillian deserved better than my ghosts. And every day I chose him, they grew a little quieter.

CHAPTER 38

MOON

We showered, changed, and went back to the main house. The dining room smelled of galbitang and banchan. Warm light over the long table. Grandmother had already taken her seat at the head, Yuna bouncing beside her. Mother stood nearby.

“Halmeoni,” I said, bowing slightly before stepping forward. She pulled me in and kissed both my cheeks, her hands cupping my face.

“Oh, my Hyun-seo.” She looked Cillian up and down. “Very handsome. Though he looks like the sort of boy who’d convince you to come home covered in tattoos.”

She immediately grabbed my wrist, turning it over. “Show me.”

“No tattoos, Halmeoni,” I blurted.

She hummed, unconvinced, but her eyes twinkled. Then she waved Cillian over. “Come here, boy. I don’t bite.”

Cillian stepped forward with that easy, disarming smile. Grandmother pulled him into a firm hug and kissed both his cheeks.

“I’ve heard so much about you, son,” she said, studying his face. “You’d better be good to my Hyun-seo.”

Cillian’s smile deepened. “I plan to, Halmeoni.”

She looked between us, eyes sparkling with mischief, then winked at me. “I can see why you’re gay now. Very handsome trouble.”

My face burned like I’d been slapped.

“Oh my god.”

Distance. I need distance.

Cillian grabbed my wrist and pulled me back against his side, laughing under his breath.