Page 81 of Godless Saints

His breath hitched against my shoulder. “You’re crushing me.”

“Good.”

“Cillian—”

“Why the fuck didn’t I know?” My voice came out rough against his hair. “Why are you always pretending shit’s fine? I thought we were doing better than this.”

His hands pressed against my chest like he might shove me off. He didn’t.

“I didn’t want to be a fucking burden.”

I pulled back enough to look at him. His eyes were wet. He looked pissed as hell about it.

“You’d never be a burden to me, Mikhail Lovchy. You’re my best fucking friend.”

His face cracked a little. He looked away and scrubbed his cheek hard.

“Adrian knows.”

My stomach turned.

“Knows what?”

Misha’s mouth opened. Closed. His fingers tugged at his sleeve again.

“Misha.”

“That I’m gay.”

I laughed once, disbelieving, and it died fast.

Misha’s face shut down completely.

“No.” I caught his shoulder before he could pull away. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t give me that fucking face. Not with me.”

His jaw clenched.

“I’ve spent months telling you I want to crawl inside Moon Hyun-seo’s ribcage and fucking live there. Why the fuck would I care if you’re gay?”

“Because the mafia cares,” Misha said. “Grandfather cares. The Lovchy care. The men who get to decide if Aleksei becomes Pakhan care. They know I was with Adrian all summer. They just don’t know why.”

I didn’t move.

“Pakhan Lovchy knows about Adrian. He doesn’t know the rest.”

“Aleksei does not know either.”

“Only Adrian.”

My hands curled into fists.

Misha saw my face and sighed. “I know how it sounds. He took me. He’s older. He’s Mirovsky. I know.”

“Good,” I said. “Saves me saying it.”