Page 83 of The Wedding Pact

But I’m not one to change my mind once I’ve made a decision. It’s what’s helped me be so successful in business, so why mess with a winning formula now?

‘I’m just about to head off, Dad. I have to get back to the office. Some urgent business to deal with.’

My father’s face visibly drops at this. ‘Oh. Okay, son.’ He frowns, then takes an audible breath. ‘Will you come for a quick walk along the beach with me before you go?’

‘Err…’ I glance at my watch. I’m cutting it a bit fine now, timewise, but it’s clear from my dad’s demeanour that he’s got something he needs to say to me.

I guess I should hear it, since it seems to be the day for confrontations and confessions.

‘Okay,’ I say, gesturing for him to start walking and matching his pace as he heads towards the shoreline.

‘Look, son,’ my dad says the moment I fall into step with him. ‘I just need to get something off my chest, then I’ll leave you be, okay?’

I nod, feeling the tension rise in me again. ‘Sure. Go for it.’

‘I know how close you were to your mum,’ he says, diving straight in, as if recognising he only has a short window to get this said, ‘how much you adored her, and what a life-changing event it was for you when she died, so I can understand why you didn’t want Carrie around so soon after it. I get now that it would have felt to you like she was trying to take your mother’s place.’

‘It was suspiciously soon after she died, Dad.’

He looks genuinely horrified by my unsubtle accusation. ‘I swear, there was nothing going on with us before your mum’s death. It all happened afterwards. Very quickly afterwards, I grant you.’

I let out a sigh, realising there’s no way I’m going to avoid facing this head-on now, so I may as well be totally upfront with him, as uncomfortable as it makes me feel. ‘Honestly, I was angry and upset when you married Carrie so soon after Mum died and I guess in a childish way I blamed the both of you for making it feel like you wanted to wipe out any trace of her. In my head you were immediately replacing her, like she’d never existed. I know that’s probably not the case and it wasn’t okay for me to behave the way I did around that time, but I was so confused and scared and angry and didn’t know how else to express my grief.’

‘No, you’re right,’ my dad says, his voice shaky with emotion. ‘It was thoughtless of me to marry Carrie so quickly. But I fell apart after your mum died and really struggled with my mental health and Carrie saved me. I was in a very dark place and she was a lifeline. To be frank, I wasn’t thinking straight about anything right then. I guess I thought it would be good for you to have some stability at that point too. Another female around to look after you – because I certainly couldn’t – and a brother too. I thought you’d like that. But I understand now how it must have felt like I was suggesting you weren’t enough on your own to keep our depleted family unit together.’

‘Well, thanks for acknowledging that,’ I say, my own voice a little shaky now.

My dad holds up his hand in a show of entreaty. ‘I fell in love with Carrie and when you were so churlish around her I didn’t know how to handle it. I thought it was just teenage rebellion and I mishandled it. I never should have said that thing about how your mum would have been ashamed of you. It was a stupid and mean thing to say. I was lashing out and taking out my pain and desperation on you. It wasn’t fair. I’m not surprised you acted out so much after that. At the time it made me angry. I thought you were being selfish and attention-seeking, but I get it now, with hindsight.’

I try to swallow down the hard lump that’s formed in my throat. ‘Yeah, well, I’m sorry I was so cruel to Carrie. It must have been hard for her too, especially after having such a tough time with Darian’s dad. It was a shit situation all round.’

‘She knows she’s behaved badly at points too,’ my dad says now. ‘And she feels awful about it. But she thinks it’s a lost cause, trying to make things up with you. That you’ll never accept her and hate her till the day she dies.’

‘I don’t hate her, Dad. I hated the situation,’ I say with a sigh.

My dad puts his hand on my arm momentarily and gives it a squeeze. ‘You know, I’m aware that when you told us about the brilliant business deal you did, selling that app, that I didn’t handle it very well. What I should have said at the time was that I’m really proud of you for what you’ve achieved. I know your mum would have been too. Although she might have been worried about how much time you spend working. But then, I don’t understand the whole business world, never having been in it the way you are, but even a layman like me can see you’ve done incredibly well. I’m impressed, Raffa, really. Even though I know I haven’t shown it. I think this whole atmosphere that’s been festering away between us since your mum passed away and I married Carrie has got in the way of a lot of things that I should have said to you, and I’m sorry for it. Really. I’m not good at putting my feelings into words and you’ve been the victim of that. I get why you haven’t wanted to spend much time with me over the years. It makes me sad to think I’ve pushed you away, but I do understand it. Anyway, like I say, I’m proud of you, son. And I love you.’

I can tell by the way his face has reddened and his eyes have filled with tears how hard it was for him to say all that to me. To make himself vulnerable enough to express his feelings, especially as he’s probably expecting me to throw it all back in his face.

I feel myself tear up too and turn away to swipe the heels of my hands across my eyes before he notices.

‘Thanks, Dad, I appreciate you saying all that. But hey, don’t worry, it’s not been all bad. It’s given me drive and purpose in my life, trying to get you to say you love me.’

My dad lets out a deep sigh. ‘Oh, Raff. I always have loved you. And I always will. I’ve not known how to connect with you over the years. Especially when you pushed me away. I couldn’t reach you and I got frustrated, then gave up. Which I never should have done.’

‘Yeah, well, like I say, the rage powered me through.’ I flash him a grin. ‘There’s been a positive side-effect – me wanting to prove to you how extraordinary I am, so you’d think of me as more than just a tag-along loose end from your past.’

He stops walking, so I do too, and we turn to face each other. ‘Look, son, I know we can’t just forget what happened back then, but we’d really love it if you came over to see us soon so we can talk about all this together. Properly clear the air,’ he says with a hopeful smile. ‘Carrie promises to be less protective of me and kinder to you. She knows she can be abrupt and defensive and she’s going to work on it.’

‘That’s good to hear. You can tell her I appreciate it and I’ll try to do the same. I can’t promise we’ll ever be best buddies, but I’ll put the work in too to make things easier when we’re all together.’

‘Thank you, son.’ He reaches over and presses his hand to my shoulder for a moment, right above my heart. He’s never been a demonstrative guy, so I take this as a real sign of affection.

‘Anyway,’ he continues quickly, taking his hand away, seemingly still uncomfortable with the touchy-feely direction this has taken. ‘We know you’re busy and you have a million other things to do with your days, but just know that you’re always welcome at our house. Any time. Because it’s still your house too. We’re your family.’

Ida’s face flashes into my mind, her beautiful mouth widening into a smile, and I have to force the image away so I don’t tear up again.

‘Thanks, Dad,’ I choke out. ‘It’s funny, but hearing Ida talk about how her parents don’t give a shit about her has made me realise just what I’ve got with you guys. So yeah, I’ll be around more. I promise.’