Page 63 of Below the Shadow of the City

“I know,” I retort.

She defiantly places her hands on her hips. “What are you doing here? You were never the impulsive walks at midnight type.”

“Maybe I’ve changed,” I maintain my composure. She’s not being particularly cruel right now, but she’s always been good at masking her vitriol. Maddox stirs behind me, a few steps down closer to the water.

“Maybe you have,” she remarks. “I’ve been wanting to meet with you and talk, you know. About how we’d left things.”

“You mean how you left things,” I correct her. I was the one left, I was the one who had to pick myself off of the floor of our shared apartment after crying for days. I’d spent months rebuilding my life, I had barely made a dent in repairing myself back to who I used to be. When I met Maddox I was shriveled and broken, and yet he was the one who gleefully breathed life back into me. Seeing Perrie now, I feel nothing, and I can’t even remember how she made me feel when things were good. All the butterflies, warmth, and giggles I share with Maddox never existed with Perrie. It's laughable that I lived for years in a world without such a warm, sweet love.

“I know it was sudden,” she says. “But you have to understand, I was being suffocated. If I didn’t escape I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“Wow,” I scoff. “I didn’t realize I’d been holding you captive.”

“No, Sigrid, that’s not—” I hear a low growl from behind me as she speaks, I know Maddox is listening in. I can’t see him. I can imagine his fists are clenching and his jaw is tightening. And maybe it would be better to unleash him on her, he wouldn’t hurt a fly, but his presence is enough to scare her off. It worked on me, after all.

“That’s exactly what you implied, no?” I ask.

“You don’t get it, you’re just so…complacent with things. I couldn’t live a life with a partner who was spending her nights baking and reading fanfiction. I needed more. You were always so sensitive too, it was exhausting being with you.”

She’s grossly exaggerating, I’m social, I’d be the one to bring her along to Matthias’ comedy shows, or underground concerts Margo found. Whatever sensitivity she perceived was because I detested her callous quips and backhanded compliments.

She didn’t like the things that made me, me. The same quirks that Freddie tried to train out of me. They’re the same pieces of me that Maddox seemed to swiftly fall for. Coexisting in the kitchen seems to be his favorite place to be, he listens to me talk about my baking as if it’s the most exciting thing in the world. My passion isn’t trampled down like it had been with Perrie. He loves me openly and loudly.

“So instead of telling me any of that, you just…left?” I ask.

“I needed to get out and breathe for once. I know it was unfair⁠—”

I am so much stronger now than I was that day. Everything I held back is coming to the surface. “It was. It was cruel, actually. You sprung the full cost of rent on me, you didn’t speak to me the day you left, I didn’t have any answers. You made me feel like there was something wrong with me.”

“Well, the rent thing was shitty. I get that.” She says.

“ALL of it was shitty. Honestly? You were a shitty girlfriend, who got shittier when you decided to leave because I was ‘suffocating’ you. This doesn’t warrant a discussion. It’s been almost a year. After I spent months getting over you, I’ve finally moved on to someone who doesn’t make love feel like an afterthought.”

Perrie steps closer, her red hair explodes from beneath her beanie, she places a hand on my forearm, “Sigrid⁠—”

“Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t speak to me again.”

“Ok, you’re being a little dramatic, don’t you think?” She scoffs. Hot anger spreads across my body, looking at her fills me with an incredible rage. The sadness I’d felt has morphed into something else entirely now. I don’t miss her, I don’t miss what we had. I want her to leave and let me get back to my night with Maddox. Maddox who is safe, and warm, and wouldn’t make me feel like Perrie does because even if he decides to leave, he would never do so as cruelly as she did. Maddox who is…standing directly behind me now.

“Everything alright?” He lays a firm hand on my shoulder and I back myself into him. I’m hardly a damsel in distress, I’ve never once wanted to be the one hiding myself behind a strong man just to feel safe and protected. I know it’s not a complete abandonment of my independence when it’s with Maddox. He’d retreat if I asked him to.

For so long I’d been fighting everything myself. It was always me against the world, and my curse, and whatever else life threw at me. I don’t have to handle it alone now. Maddox repositions himself, standing firmly beside me, not looming above me or in front of me. It’s a small gesture, but one that silently says “we’re going to go through this side by side.” I turn my head to glance at him, he’s focused on Perrie who is staring at him, mouth agape. His eyes turn into dark stormy waters, a hurricane lurking beneath the surface.

“What-what the fuck,” Perrie stammers.

“No one will ever believe you,” Maddox sneers and grabs my hand.

“I’d like to get back to my night now, Perrie. Have a good life, without me in it,” I speak as Maddox pulls me towards him. My cheeks are wet, I’d been crying without noticing. These tears feel like a strange relief, and I don’t think I mind them, even as I dab them away with my jacket sleeve. I’m cold now, Perrie’s left without a sound, and hopefully won’t ever figure out that the monster she’d hallucinated was most definitely real.

“You really didn’t have to do that,” I mutter to Maddox.

“Do what?” He tilts his head towards me as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. The wind has picked up now, and is threatening to blow his hoodie straight off his head, the cotton fabric tugs at his horns a bit.

“That whole protecting me thing. I promise, I can hold my own. You shouldn’t have to risk yourself to save me.”

“I think,” he stops and grabs my chin, “I’ll do whatever I want if it means you’re safe.” We stand on the steps, surrounded by the twinkling lights of Manhattan bouncing across the water. If this was a movie, he’d absolutely be kissing me right now. The precise moment the thought crosses my mind, his lips press against mine. Maybe our romance isn’t quite a fairytale, but it certainly feels magical right now. His hands grip my waist and he balls up my jacket in his fists as he deeply inhales. My hands grip the sides of his face and my thumbs stroke the soft fur on his cheeks.

We part, and he looks at me with soft eyes drunk on affection. “I would rip apart whatever veil separates us with my bare hands if it meant I could spend my eternity like this,” he growls into the nape of my neck. His breath is scorching as it spreads across each pore and follicle.