Page 132 of I Choose You

Ugh. I almost succeeded in holding back a cringe. He’d noticed it though. His hands eased through the water, pulling me onto his lap. I went willingly. I’d always go to him. I doubted I could get tired of being in his arms or having his hands on me. No. I knew I wouldn’t. In those few days of missing him, when I’d come to understand the depth of my feelings for him, I’d gone through the worst sensation of withdrawal.

As I settled on top of him in a hot, slick hug, I frowned even more. He wasn’t hard. This wasn’t a frisky playful time. I was so addicted to his big dick that I wanted it nonstop.

I just hated that he was so down. When Kaden was in pain, I hurt right along with him.

I reared back, straddling him but with space between us. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head.

His mom. He had to be missing her something fierce.

“We were such immature idiots in high school,” he admitted.

“Everyone was.”

He furrowed his brow. “You weren’t.”

I shrugged. Okay, I hadn’t caved to peer pressure and picked on anyone for the sake of trying to be cool and fit in. I’d been too busy trying to stay under the radar of the bullies and survive. “I… had moments. Paige and I kind of bickered.”

“My brother and I were jerks. We’d bicker with each other—all siblings do. But to everyone else, we were jerks.”

I nodded, not necessarily in straight-up agreement but to show I was following what he said. It was hard to reconcile the two versions of him. The guy who’d jerked me around for a prom date and this sweet, caring man who said I was the one person he wanted to spend time with.

Back then, he hadn’t wanted to spend time with anyone. After his mom died, he’d closed in on himself.

“You were just distant,” I said, noting that was probably why it hurt so much more at the shopping extravaganza. He was aloof in high school and had practiced it enough to do it as an adult too.

He scoffed. “Dad likes to remind me I was auditioning for emo boy of the year.”

I smiled.

“We were jerks, though, because, in part, of my mom dying,” he admitted. “That’s no excuse, but grief can change you.”

I smoothed my hand over his cheeks, warm from the spray and mist of the hot tub. “Being a teenager changes you, too. All those hormones and adapting to adulthood.”

He took my hand and kissed the palm. “But it’s no excuse.”

I shrugged. “I understand it though.”

He arched his brows. “You do?”

“I thought about it over the years, and I’ve been thinking about it more recently.” I leaned in to give him a soft, quick kiss. “You’re a good man, Kaden. At least I’d like to think so. Good people don’t hurt others for the hell of it. Usually they’ll strike out when they are hurting. And you and your brother were.”

“You were collateral damage. We needed our mother, but she was gone. And yeah, it hurt. It still hurts to know she’s not here.”

He stroked his fingers over the lines of my flowery tats, and I shivered under the caress.

“It was a long time ago, though.”

He glanced up at me and shrugged. “It doesn’t erase the fact that we were jerks.”

“But it’s about time I move on,” I admitted.

It seemed like I hadn’t convinced him yet. I leaned in to kiss him, long, slow, and sweet. His hands spread over my back as he held me to him, letting me take the lead and kiss him how I wanted to. I chose to prolong it, infusing as much compassion into it to prove it wasn’t just sex between us that I’d moved on to. I cared.

When his dick hardened and I felt his erection prodding at me, I grinned against his lips.

He smiled too as he leaned back. “Baby, this mouth is potent.” As he dragged his thumb along my lower lip, he breathed faster. His gaze locked on my mouth and I bit the corner.