Page 78 of All for Love

MERCEDES

“Why do we do this to ourselves?” I moaned to Ellora after we finished another early morning spin class. “It always kicks our butts, and yet, we always come back for more punishment just a few days later.”

“I don’t know.” She moved gingerly as we walked out of the gym. “All I know is that I’ll barf if I see a green smoothie right now. How about we indulge this morning?”

“It’s the fifteenth of December and it’s a Friday to boot. We can indulge.” I was giving myself the additional excuse of it being my official last day at Wagner Industries. If that didn’t deserve a treat and cheat, then I didn’t know what would.

“Good,” Ellora said. “Bacon, eggs, toast, and cappuccino it is then. There’s a café around the corner where I’ve ended up waiting a few times before class. The food looks good, but I’ve only ever tried their coffee.”

“Let’s go have the food, then,” I agreed, and we headed down the block. “What are your plans for the holidays?”

She smiled, definitely starting to feel better at the mere prospect of Christmas speeding up on us now. “Mom and I are going to spend it with the family back in Chicago. You?”

I managed to dodge the subject by asking more about her family, but over our second cappuccino, she finally called me out on it. “You still haven’t told me anything about your plans.”

I stared at the disappearing foam on the surface of my coffee as I tried to figure out how best to word this. “I’m going to be spending it at the Wagner Estate, whether I want to or not.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to?” she asked incredulously. “That place is amazing. It’s like you’re going to have your very own palace for Christmas. A palace fully decked out with the best Christmas decorations ever. What’s not to look forward to?”

“I’m nervous,” I admitted. “The impending holidays feel more like impending doom this year.”

She laughed and made her eyes big at me. She frowned when she realized I wasn’t kidding. “Wait, seriously? Why?” Even as she asked the question, I saw the understanding dawning behind those eyes. “Oh. Right. This is about Kody, isn’t it?”

“Isn’t it always?” I muttered and took another sip of the creamy decadence in my cup, but it didn’t give me any comfort. As I looked back up into her eyes, I braced myself for the admission I knew I had to make but never thought I would. “I have real feelings for him, Ellora.”

“What?” Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Well, okay. I mean, we saw this coming, didn’t we? You told me last time he wasn’t the type of guy you usually fell for, but even then. Since when have you accepted that you have, in fact, fallen for him?”

I shrugged, feeling miserable but optimistic all at the same time. “It’s been coming for a while. I can’t put a date on it, but it definitely happened. I’m done fighting it and so is he. We decided that on the night of the Christmas party.”

“I knew your disappearance had something to do with him,” she said triumphantly, but then her pretty features darkened and she winced. “So this is it, then. Huh? You guys have talked about it and you’re together now?”

“No.” I shook my head but then shrugged. I followed it up with a slight nod. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about what we are, and I don’t think we’re together, but we’re not staying away from each other anymore either. We can’t. Both of us have admitted that we don’t want to be apart anymore.”

“Okay, so you’re not together, but you’re still getting it on?” Curiosity burned in her eyes, but there was no judgment. “That doesn’t seem so complicated, babe. I know it might feel that way to you, but a lot of couples just organically let their relationships develop until eventually, they’re dating seriously by the time they discuss it. Not everything has to be talked to death.”

“No. I know. Talking won’t help in our case anyway. We can’t be together. Even if we wanted to be, which I’m starting to wonder if he does suddenly want now. Either way, it can’t happen, but we also don’t seem to be able to move on.”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, her voice breathy as she remembered. “He brought a date to the party. A hot one. How did that end?”

“Surprisingly pleasantly.” I perched my elbow on the table and opened my hand to plonk my chin down on my palm. “It turns out they really are just friends. She even supports our relationship.”

Ellora’s eyes widened all over again. “Seriously? She’s a nice and supportive friend who looks like that? Watch out, world. Aliens walk among us.”

I chuckled and nodded my agreement. “I know. I have no idea what he sees in me when he’s got friends like her waiting in the wings, but she really didn’t seem to be interested in him.”

“Have you asked him about it?”

“She told me they basically grew up together and that they’re more like siblings than anything else.”

Ellora tried to swallow a laugh that she finally just released when she realized it wasn’t working. “Ironic, am I right?”

“Tell me about it,” I grumbled, my expression crumbling as I shut my eyes. “I just don’t know what we’re going to do, but enough about me. To circle back to the beginning, that’s why I’m not looking forward to the holidays. How are you and Josh?”

“We’re great.” She waggled her brows at me. “In every sense of the word. We’re so, sooo good together, but I’m not giving you any details until we finish the conversation we were having. Plus, we both wanted you to know how sorry we are about what went down with Ben.”

“Let’s just say for now on, I am trusting my gut. As for Kody, there’s nothing more to say.” I wasn’t being coy about it either. “We’ve covered everything. Kody and I have real feelings for each other. We don’t know how to move on, and even though he brought a date to the party, they’re not together and he doesn’t seem to be interested in anyone but me right now.”

“Yeah, I got all that, but you still haven’t told me how any of this happened. It feels like I’ve missed a few chapters between you guys hooking up after the wedding and now being these mopey, star-crossed lovers.”