Page 48 of Fake It For Him

“Thank fuck.” I took another bite of my food, wincing as the vague memories I had of that night washed over me. “Aspen cornered me in the bathroom of the club we were at. She’d been coming onto me on the dance floor and I finally shook her off, but then she appeared in the bathroom and locked the door behind her.”

“The poor other patrons who might’ve needed to use it,” she said lightly, and I appreciated the moment of levity but I didn’t grab onto it.

I needed to get this out and over with. “I was so wasted I could hardly see straight, but I pushed her off when she first wrapped her arms around me. She was relentless though, and I know it’s going to sound like I’m trying to make excuses, but she was so much more in control of herself than I was.”

“How so?”

“I don’t remember her swaying on her heels, for starters. Meanwhile, I was gripping the sink to stay upright, but anyway, she told me that Finn didn’t make her happy and that she’d always wanted me instead.”

I fell quiet then, and understanding glimmered in Ella’s eyes as she exhaled a sharp breath. “It’s okay, Calan.”

“It’s not, though.” I grimaced, shaking my head at her. “It never was. I’ll spare you the dirty details, but she kept coming at me. Kept telling me how she always thought about me when she was with him and stuff like that. Eventually, she hit her knees and crawled over to me. She took off my pants and I’ll stop there, but I think you can fill in the rest.”

Ella nodded. I’d expected the disgust to come back at that last part, but it still wasn’t there. Instead, she sighed and then took a deep breath. “Thanks for telling me all of that. You really didn’t have to, but I’m glad you did. I happen to know a thing or two about doing something you regret, and I don’t know how to fix it, but I do know that having someone who knows what you did and accepts you anyway helps a little bit.”

“You’ve done something you regret, then?” Of course, I already knew that she had, but when she nodded, I was relieved she wasn’t just feeding me bullshit in an attempt to make me feel better.

On the other hand, I’d given her no reason to want to make me feel better, so I guessed it made sense that she wasn’t feeding me bullshit just to absolve me of some of my guilt. Ella glanced down at her bowl, mostly empty now, and pushed a few pieces of pasta around before she took another deep breath and suddenly brought her gaze back to mine.

“What I did was why I was in Edinburgh in the first place,” she blurted out. Shame colored her cheeks but her gaze remained steady on mine. “My friends thought I ran, and I’ve been denying it, but maybe it’s true. Maybe that’s exactly what I’ve been doing all this time.”

More pressure lifted from my shoulders. “What did you do that was so bad that it kept you away for four years?”

“I was in a long-term relationship with this guy Spencer. We were serious, and I honestly thought he was the one. I thought we were going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together.”

Pain flickered in her eyes, and tears glistened, but she didn’t let them fall. Instead, she just stopped for a moment to compose herself. Those eyes closed as she inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times. Since I knew what she was feeling right now, I let her be, somehow knowing that she’d keep talking when she was ready.

“Our families were always close,” she said finally, opening her eyes again and reaching for her glass. She took such a big sip of her wine that there was hardly any left.

I reached for the bottle, topping us off.

She chewed her lips before she spoke again. “Spencer and I practically grew up together. Our dads met in college and they pledged the same frat. They were roommates for three years, and after they graduated, they got married within a few months of each other, and eventually, they even bought houses in the same neighborhood.”

My mouth dried up. “So you didn’t practically grow up with him. You did grow up with him?”

She shrugged, her eyes on her wine. She turned the stem gently between her fingers. “Sort of. His dad got transferred around the country a few times, but they kept the house. When he finally got to choose where he wanted to settle, they came home. Gave notice to their tenants and moved back into their house.”

“That’s when you got together?”

She shook her head. “Not immediately, no. We started dating in our junior year of high school. My father had always considered him to be like a son. Even when they weren’t living here, we spent some summers together and stuff like that. My mom loved him too. She often dreamed out loud about the grandchildren he and I were going to give her.”

As I looked at the girl sitting across from me, I realized just how little I really knew about her. All this time, I’d seen her as this beautiful, mysterious puzzle and I’d known she was hiding something, but it occurred to me now that there was a lot more depth to her than I’d thought.

She was a whole person. I’d known that, obviously, but I hadn’t known known it. She a whole complex person with a dark spot of her own in her history and a present that was nothing like the future she thought she would have.

After swallowing another sip of her wine, she finally looked at me again. “Spencer eventually became a lawyer. Everyone kept talking about the promising future we had ahead of us, and I’d always wanted to travel, but I was willing to set it aside. His career was here and I guess I kind of figured we’d travel when we could.”

My heart started beating faster, my muscles tensing. I braced for what was to come.

“I loved him, you know?” She chuckled as she swept more tears away from her eyes and shook her head. “I was willing to give up everything I wanted to be his wife. The mother of his children, but then I found out he was sleeping with one of my friends.”

My stomach fell. Shit, so she knows the pain I put my brother through firsthand. It’s no wonder she reacted the way she did when I first told her.

Her teary gaze swept back up. “My heart broke into millions of little pieces when I found out. Everything came crashing down around me. My relationship. The future I thought I would have. It all just shattered right along with my heart and I don’t know what came over me, but I saw red.”

“That’s understandable,” I said sincerely. “Anyone would in your position.”

Her head kept shaking. “Trust me, not everyone would’ve done what I did after. I’m not the sort of person who ever wants to do harm, but when I found out about the affair, I wanted to make him feel the same pain I did. I wanted to shatter him as surely as he’d shattered me. I wanted to ruin him, so I did.”