Page 113 of Last First Date

He wasn’t man enough to stick around and talk to me about his horrible deception. Clearly, he was ashamed of himself. He was probably already looking for a way to get out of ever having to face me again. I wondered if he had tucked tail and run back to New York. Deciding it wasn’t my problem, I went back to my desk.

Determined to weather the storm, I tried to bury myself in work, but the lingering stares from some of the women in the office made it challenging. I refused to back down.

I channeled that confidence I felt in New York. Yes, I had slept with Knox, and it had been a mutual decision. I wouldn’t let the judgment of others turn it into a bad thing. I had acted from a place of desire and affection, not to gain some advantage or win a bet.

The simple fact was, even if the catalyst had been a bet, feelings had developed on both sides. That was the part I couldn’t ignore, as much as it stung to think he might have been dishonest.

The afternoon dragged on like a slow-motion car crash, one where you could see the disaster unfolding but were helpless to stop it. My hands shook subtly as I typed up reports and answered emails with an almost robotic efficiency. My stomach was a tight knot of anxiety. The scent of Knox’s coffee, now cold and forgotten at his desk, still lingered in the air.

I wondered where he was. From the office gossip I was picking up on, he had been gone for days. The whispers persisted throughout the day. By midday, the weight of the judgment became unbearable. I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be. I sought refuge in the bathroom, hoping to escape the prying eyes and malicious gossip that seemed to follow me like a shadow.

As I hid in a stall, the hushed voices of two women entered the restroom. Their laughter sent a shiver down my spine as they discussed my affair with the boss.

“And can you believe it? A bet! No wonder Knox’s been avoiding her.” The woman cackled, her voice high and shrill. My heart clenched at the sound.

“I would die of embarrassment if I were her,” the other woman chimed in. I could hear the smirk in her voice. “Coming back to work after all that.”

I sat there, my breath hitching in my chest as their words rang in my ears. It felt like a knife twisting in my gut. Their laughter echoed around the tiled room, mingling with the steady drip of a faulty faucet.

“Does she actually think she’s that special because she showed off her body on a runway?”

“If I was as big as she was, I would never parade around in lingerie,” the other one said, laughing.

“She thought she was landing a big fish. Turns out she got played. As if a man that hot would go for the office doorknob.”

“You know she’s already slept with that Benjamin guy,” the other said with what sounded like a sneer. “Girls like that always get used and they are so naive they can’t even see it.”

“She let her little glimmer of fame go to her head. She actually thought she was as pretty as those other models.”

My fists clenched as their laughter echoed around the restroom. The cruel words, intended to wound, bounced off the cold tiled walls and landed like punches. Hot tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.

Finally, their voices trailed away and the bathroom door closed behind them with a soft click. I emerged from the stall, staring at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed and my usually vibrant eyes looked dull. But I wasn’t beaten, not yet.

“Big fish or not, worth it or not, he was mine for a moment.” The sound of my own voice echoed around me.

I had to keep my head up. I walked back to my desk and acted cool. My phone was vibrating on my desk. Thinking it might be Knox, I checked the screen. I was met with a barrage of notifications from social media. I was flooded with creepy DMs from strangers. I couldn’t seem to get away from it. They were everywhere.

If I could change it all, I would. I wouldn’t have done the runway. That had been a silly thing to do. I did it because I wanted to feel like I was doing something brave and empowering. Maybe it was, but I also enjoyed the attention. Now, I wished I didn’t have the attention. It wasn’t worth it. I had put myself in the spotlight and I was suffering the consequences.

Although that trip down the runway did lead to some of the best sex I ever had.

48

KNOX

The journey back home from Switzerland had been a challenging ordeal. I was exhausted. My grandmother looked like she might drop at any moment. I was doing my best to take care of her while ensuring my grandfather was getting the best care.

The minor stroke he suffered during the cruise had prompted a swift response. When my grandmother called me, I knew I had to get to them. My mother and I called the pilot and got the jet ready to make the trip across the ocean. But it wasn’t like we could just put him on the jet. We had to have a nurse and medical equipment.

My mother was a wreck, which didn’t help to calm the situation. I looked over at her where she had passed out and reclined in her seat. My grandmother was reading, looking the epitome of calm, but I knew it was a facade. She needed to sleep, but she wouldn’t. Not until we got my grandfather into the hospital.

When I first showed up in Switzerland, there had been a lot of questions and no answers about his condition. Now, with him stable but still unconscious, my mind was spiraling with what-ifs. What if he didn’t wake up the same man he was? Could we have reacted faster?

The guilt was gnawing at me, and I wished there was someone who could share this burden. But sharing my pain would mean I was vulnerable.

“Grandma, why don’t you try and get a couple of hours of sleep?” I asked.

She looked over and smiled. “I’m fine.”