Page 106 of You Know You Wanna

“I was just here,” she muttered, sounding like she was still in a state of disbelief. “I just led a yoga session at the lake.”

I chuckled. “Outdoors yoga, huh? Sounds like a good time. Are you sure you want to go back down there? We could walk up instead.”

“No,” she said quickly, finally turning to glance at me. “The lake is fine. It’s nice down there today, sunny and peaceful.”

“Isn’t it always?” Holding her hand, it felt like I could finally breathe again. I drew in big lungfuls of fresh air, keeping each one in for a beat or so before I blew it back out.

With her by my side and back on this trail, I knew for a fact that I’d been right. She was what we had been missing. Being here was fantastic. There was no doubt about it. The fragrant, woodsy air, the silence, the mountains?

There was nothing like it, but as much as I enjoyed all that, I felt whole again now because of her. That missing part of my soul that had been making my body ache was suddenly gone. Just like that. She’d put her hand in mine and the hole in my being was gone, like the final piece of the puzzle had been snapped in.

Birdie was still quiet, though. She also wasn’t smiling, which was worrying. She held my hand, swinging it gently between us, but she was staring absently into the middle distance, her feet seemingly moving on autopilot.

With all my heart, I wanted her to talk to me, to open up and tell me what had been going on here since we’d left. How she felt about us being back. But I knew I couldn’t push her.

I’d moved heaven and earth to make this trip happen, and I’d known for a couple days now that we would be coming. She hadn’t. In fact, we hadn’t spoken at all, which meant this had been a complete surprise to her. If she needed a minute to wrap her head around it, then I could give her that.

Once we reached the dock, we sat down and I leaned back, resting my weight on my palms. I tipped my face toward the sky, letting the sun heat my skin just like I’d seen her do so many times. “God, there’s nothing like this.”

“What are you really doing here, Remington?” she asked suddenly, turning to face me with her brow furrowed and her eyes almost wild. “You and I haven’t even spoken properly since you left, and now, here you are? Am I just supposed to take that at face value? You’re just popping in to say hi?”

I searched her blue eyes for a long moment. Why does she look almost scared?

My hands itched to reach for her, but I held back, wondering if it was shock or something else causing this reaction. “We’re here because I can’t get you out of my head. Lulu has been moping since we left. So much so that she almost blew her audition. She got it together at the last minute, but she’s sad and so am I.”

“How did it go?” she asked softly, leaning forward a bit. “The audition, I mean. Did she do well?”

“So well.” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “You should’ve seen her, Birdie. She was amazing. I made a video for you if you’d like to see it sometime.”

“I’d love to,” she said immediately, then eased back a bit again. Her gaze drifted out toward the water once more. “It’s good to see you, Remington. I’m just, uh, confused. And surprised. When you left, we were together. You had to go, but we were going to stay together, but then you were gone, and almost instantly, we fell out of touch.”

“I tried to call,” I said, but I released a heavy breath because I knew what she meant. “Being home hit us like a bomb. Neither of us were prepared for how hard it was going to be, but I jumped straight into meetings with the lawyers, and Lulu had her audition to prepare for, and then there was work and stuff. I really haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, though. Not for a minute.”

“Yeah,” she murmured quietly. “Same.”

I glanced at her sitting next to me but feeling light years away. Her gorgeous blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun right on top of her head, her pink leggings and yellow shirt so bright and cheerful. But with no smile gracing her lips and no easy chatter, something was wrong—and I was afraid it was me. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head. “Not really. I don’t know what to make of any of this, Remington. It’s just a lot.”

“I know,” I admitted, deciding to just say what I’d come here to say. All of it was stuff that I should’ve said before, but I’d held back then. I wouldn’t make the same mistake now. “What you and I have feels new to me. It’s something I’ve never felt before, and honestly, I didn’t know what to make of it either. Once we got back to Manhattan, my own life didn’t seem to fit right anymore. It was weird. I’ve been away before but I’ve never gotten home feeling like I didn’t belong.”

“Yeah, I get that. I don’t really feel like I belong here anymore either.” She finally glanced at me again. It was a quick one, but at least her eyes met mine before she turned away. “What happened in court? Lulu’s here with you, so it went well?”

“She’s staying.” I inhaled deeply, once again allowing myself to feel the immense relief that came along with those words. “Jacqueline signed the papers and took off. She was on a plane back to England before I even found out she’d accepted the deal.”

“Wow.” Birdie frowned. Her head tilted as she chewed it over in her mind. “It really was all about money? Did she even say goodbye to Lulu before she left?”

I shook my head. “The last time either of us saw her was in the suite when she told me Lulu was flying out with her the next day. She hasn’t made contact at all and we haven’t tried. I think Laurene is still afraid that she’ll change her mind—not that she can anymore. I’ve asked if she wants to call her, but I’m not pushing. She kept changing the subject, so I figured I’d give her time.”

“That’s for the best, I think,” she said. “You’re a good dad, Remington. I know you haven’t always believed that and I realize you probably still don’t, but you are.”

“I’m trying to be.” I reached for her hand slowly, making my intentions clear by showing it to her before I started moving it to hers. “The thing is that both of us have been feeling like there’s something missing. Ever since we left here, nothing has felt good. Or right. Even when I got home after signing the papers keeping her with me, I felt empty. When I told her she’d be staying, I expected her to be happy, but instead, she burst into tears and told me how she misses you.”

Birdie sucked in a sharp breath. I laid my hand over hers and slowly entwined our fingers. “I love you, and if the last couple weeks have taught me anything, it’s that this wasn’t just some fling. I know I said that before, but I’m not sure if you really believed me. Especially not after the way things went down once we left, but it’s true. I love you. We love you.”

Her eyes filled with tears. The moisture glimmered in them as it welled on her lids. Then it started spilling over as she shook her head. “You live in another state. Both of you have a whole life outside of Blue Pines Resort. I’m only just starting to realize that I might have one too, but right now, this is what I know. This is what I have. This is where I live. Once you leave again, how do I know the same thing isn’t going to happen? And let’s be honest, you’re not going to keep making impromptu, surprise trips to wherever I may be.”

“No, but that’s only because I’m hoping you’ll come with us when we leave this time,” I said. “Come back to New York with us, Birdie. I love you. Laurene loves you. We want to be with you and you want to get out of this small town, at least for a while, so come with us.”