Page 20 of You Know You Wanna

“You’re going to have to give her time not to be pissed at you,” she said knowingly. “Do you think she had fun tonight? She seemed to need an opportunity to blow off some steam with other kids her age.”

“I don’t think she knows what that means,” I said honestly. “She’s got friends, of course, but none of them act their age. They’re mini grownups that don’t have the frontal cortex development to actually be grownups just yet.”

“If it helps, I think all kids that age think that they’re all grown up. It’s not just her, though she does seem a lot more mature than most.”

I took a sip of my drink, swallowing while I thought it over. “I guess that’s because she is more mature than most. She’s always had a nanny around, but I think she felt like she had to learn how to fend for herself because my ex and I were both mostly absent.”

I surprised myself by admitting it out loud, but this woman seemed to have that effect on me. She sipped her drink, then reached out with her free hand to squeeze my forearm. It was just a quick, reassuring touch, but my skin buzzed with the sensation of her soft, warm hand on it long after she’d withdrawn.

“That sucks, but I’m sure you did your best,” she said. “Kids just don’t always understand the sacrifices we have to make for them.”

“Exactly,” I agreed. “I’ve worked hard, but I did it to give her everything I never had. Do I feel guilty about missing out on her childhood? Of course, I do, but in the end, it was about giving her the best life I could. It’s still about that.”

Her eyes bounced from one of mine to the other. “You seem pretty adamant about it. What didn’t you have that you want to give her?”

I shrugged, swirling the whiskey in my glass and watching the tiny whirlpool it made before I realized that I actually wanted to answer her question. “When I was her age, my parents lost everything. My dad made some bad decisions, and before I even knew what was happening, it was all just gone. One day, we were living the high life, and the next, we didn’t have two cents to rub together. I didn’t want Laurene to go through that, so I worked. Every waking fucking moment, I work.”

To my surprise, Birdie shrugged. She didn’t sympathize or empathize. She didn’t pity me or tell me that I’d done what I’d needed to do. She just shrugged. “I’ve always been poor and it’s not so bad. There’s a lot of things I value over money.”

“Like what?”

“Like time,” she said, laughing softly. “I value spending time with the people I love more than anything. No amount of money can buy health or more time. Once the clock runs out, it runs out and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, so I try to get as much time in with my loved ones as I can.”

I stared at her, but it was clear that she was telling the truth. I really liked that about her, how blunt she was. She wasn’t mean or snobby. Just carefree and optimistic. It’d been a long time since I’d known someone like her.

As we finished the rest of our drinks, we talked about lighter topics and I found myself once again really enjoying her company. When we left the bar, we did it together, but she turned toward the scattered cabins when I was about to head inside.

“I guess this is goodnight,” she said, smiling serenely. “Have a good one.”

“Wait, you live over there? Like, permanently?”

She nodded and pointed to one of the cabins. “That’s me.”

The porch was covered in string lights, potted plants, and flowers. I smiled at how well it reflected the woman who lived there. As I took it in, she gave me a friendly wave and started toward it. “I’ll see you around, Remington.”

Yeah, you will, I thought as I watched her go. Because I’d like to get to know you better. And I also need to find a way to get close to Alan.

10

BIRDIE

A few days after we’d had drinks together, I was about to start a morning yoga session when Remington walked in. Looking buff as hell in a pair of running shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt, his thick, dark brown hair was pushed away from his face, perfectly showcasing his chiseled features in the early morning light shining into the studio.

They’d been here for about a week now, and his skin was starting to have that healthy glow of someone who’d spent most of that time out in the sunshine. His eyes seemed brighter, his posture less like he was smuggling an open umbrella up his butt and lot more relaxed than it had been when I’d first seen him in the diner.

He grabbed a mat from the cubbies on the wall and took a place near the front of the class.

“I didn’t know you did yoga,” I said, surprised.

“I don’t.” He chuckled, irises lighting up as they met mine. “I prefer weights and running. A bit of cycling here and there, but Laurene is going on a hike with the other kids today and I had nothing else to do this morning, with her being off with Jenna.”

“Well, I don’t mean to sound immodest, but you made the right decision coming here.” I strode to my mat right at the front and gave the newcomers a quick rundown before we started the session. Then I looked at Remington directly to give my final instructions. “Relax, focus on your breathing, and find your balance.”

Truth be told, I had to work double time to keep my composure during the class because watching Remington settle into each pose was like watching a gorilla trying to do ballet. He was big—bigger than any man I’d ever met—and all the people on their yoga mats around him were glancing at him cautiously, like they feared he might fall over and squash them to death.

I stifled another giggle, but I also felt a sense of pride at seeing a sheen of sweat break out across his brow. He had the body of a man who worked out and had a lot of strength, but my little yoga class had him wobbly in the knees.

It was immensely satisfying, but so was watching his muscles ripple and bulge as he tried to get into the positions and seeing the intense concentration on his features as he tried to also breathe correctly. As I circled around the class, I kept coming back to him, placing my palms gently on his back to guide his breath. His body vibrated beneath my touch.