Page 58 of You Know You Wanna

The pity was already there, but so was a very acute sense of awe for the woman beside me. “So you brought your siblings up here all by yourself and you did it often? How? I mean, you can only carry one kid at a time, right?”

“Sure, but my siblings were scrappy. They still are, actually. We all learned early on how to stand on our own two feet, literally and metaphorically. If you want to make the hike and there’s no one to carry you, you do it yourself. Simple as that.”

“You really are a superwoman. Do you know that?”

Her cheeks flushed the most intriguing, beautiful shade of pink. “Nah. I just wasn’t spoiled. I had a good childhood, Remington. A really good one. It wasn’t luxurious, but we had everything we needed, and I like to think that we grew up as resilient, resourceful people who know how to take care ourselves.”

I stared into those bright blue eyes, wondering how the hell she stayed so damn positive. My dad had lost everything when I’d been a teen, and having to live through that had changed the way I’d tackled the rest of my damn life.

Sure, Birdie had never been used to the finer things, and as a result, she hadn’t been able to miss them, but I was willing to bet she’d grown up with even less than I’d had at our lowest times. Yet, here she was, with only fond memories of her childhood and still living in the same town she’d grown up in.

“How about your siblings?” I asked. “Do they feel the same way about your upbringing? I only want to know because I’m trying to figure out if I’m the only one who struggled with having so little.”

She laughed softly, shaking her head before resting it on her arm, facing me. “After my dad died two years ago, my siblings scattered across the country. Three of them went into the military. My oldest sister is married and lives on the west coast. My other sister is a nurse down in Florida. They’re not bitter about the way we grew up, if that’s what you’re asking, but they definitely couldn’t wait to get out of town.”

“So they just left you? After everything you did for them, they just took off?”

“Funny how perspectives differ,” she mused out loud. “I’ve never looked at it that way. They just went off to live their own lives, which is what people are supposed to do.”

“You’re a better person than I am,” I muttered.

She grinned. “Don’t I know it?”

Letting out a slow breath, she propped herself up on her elbow, rolling over so she was still facing me, and then she shrugged. “If I’m being completely honest, I do feel a little left behind sometimes. We all keep in touch, but in a way, I do feel like they forgot about me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. “That sucks. Did you ever think about leaving once they were gone? I get staying to want to help your dad with them after your mom passed, even if I also know that most people wouldn’t have done it, but what about after that?”

“I thought about it,” she admitted after a brief pause. “At first, I never really had time to dream. I was too busy raising my youngest siblings and I couldn’t fathom that a time would come when they wouldn’t need me, but once I started doing yoga and they were more independent, I figured I’d open my own studio in a big city one day.”

“Really?”

She smiled as she dipped her chin in a curt nod. “It was just a fleeting dream, but I thought it could be my way of bringing peace and wellness to people I know could use it in their busy lifestyles. Being here, I see the toll work and stress take on our guests, and I also see the transformation while they’re here. By the time they leave, they’re different people and I get to play a role in that.”

“Why was it a fleeting dream?” I asked. “Why didn’t you just do it once you were on your own in town?”

“I’ve only ever left this place to visit my siblings, but never for very long. I guess I just never got to a point where it felt like it was the right time to go. I got settled at the resort. It became my home and I don’t see any reason to leave it anymore. I have my own studio there now, so I’m still getting to bring peace and wellness to people and I don’t have to be in a big city to do it.”

“You should come visit us in Manhattan sometime,” I offered. “Stay as long as you’d like. If you’ve only ever left here to visit your siblings, you obviously haven’t been to New York City and I can promise you’ll find a lot of people there in need of peace and wellness.”

To my dismay, she gave me a very disbelieving look instead of even considering taking me up on the invitation. “Would your busy schedule even allow someone to visit you? I wouldn’t need you to entertain me or anything, but I also wouldn’t just want to go and stay in your house if you’re never even there.”

The words hit me like a wet fish to the forehead. I hadn’t even thought about that, but she wasn’t wrong. I was rarely home and visiting me would be akin to renting a place online. It had everything you needed, but it was yours and yours alone.

As I looked around me, I suddenly realized what had been nagging at the back of my mind these past couple weeks. The universe had been trying to tell me something and my consciousness had been fighting against it, but the truth was it felt like I was getting a message that it was time to slow the hell down.

That was what the universe had been trying to say. Slow down, Remington Ford. All the guilt and money in the world won’t save you from missing out on your own damn life, not to mention your daughter’s.

When had the last time been that I’d done anything like this? Just sitting around in the shade of a big old tree and not even knowing where my phone was?

Years. That was how long it’d been. Many, many years. In fact, it might even have been before I could legally vote.

Birdie sat up and glanced at the girls, who were emerging from the water. “They’re bound to be hungry by now. I’ll get the picnic set up.”

Blinking past the disillusionment, I swallowed hard and silently got to work helping her with the picnic. Still a little out of it, I reached into the basket. My hand brushed against hers and I felt like I was struck by a bolt of lightning.

I felt like I needed her to help me with something. Remembering that I was alive, maybe. That I was living my life right now and that I needed to stop putting it off.

Our eyes met and I swiped my tongue across my lips, barely managing to grab hold of my self-control when that sexual tension began rising again. We were surrounded by preteen girls. Now was not the time to get frisky.