Page 16 of His for the Holiday

8

SUTTON

After putting Winnie to bed, I slid open my bedroom window. Hoisting myself up, I climbed out and onto the roof, sitting down under the stars like I used to when I was a teenager.

The garage roof overlooked the port and it was a beautiful, clear night, although a little slippery after the rain we’d had earlier. I wasn’t deterred by the damp tiles as I sat down though, perfectly okay with having a slightly wet ass if it meant I could just sit here, watching the lights of the boats going by. It soothed the soul.

Bundled against the fall chill in a fleece-lined hoodie, I hugged it tight around me and smiled as I let the peace of this moment wash over me. I rarely had moments like this anymore, but I missed them.

More than simply missing them, I needed them to try and figure out who I was now that I was no longer a wife and a mother in the Scottish countryside. Sure, I was still a mother, but I was no longer the wife of my daughter’s father, and sometimes, it crushed my soul when I considered the long-term implications of that.

I also just felt foolish for ever loving that man in the first place.

Drawing in a deep, shuddering breath, I started wondering if I would ever let Winnie visit over there all by herself, but my thoughts were interrupted by a weird buzzing noise coming from inside my room. Frowning, I crawled back to the window and my heart raced at the possibility that it was what I thought it was.

As I climbed back through the window, I followed the sound all the way to a box piled in the corner of my bedroom and I pulled it open, accidentally letting out a shrill, surprised giggle when I realized that the sound was, in fact, what I’d thought it was.

Buried in a box of my things, which my mom had brought in here after I’d called to let her know we were coming home, was a walkie-talkie. Somehow, the thing still had battery life, and as I lifted it out of the box, I couldn’t freaking believe it.

“Sutton? Do you read me?” Hawk’s voice crackled over the old speaker and I laughed again, shaking my head at the thought that the walkie-talkie not only still worked, but that it was possible that Hawk and I were about to communicate like this again. “How’s the air up there, Sutton? Seriously, do you read me? Have you fallen off the roof?”

I chuckled, taking the radio with me back out to the roof. “Are you stalking me?”

“Hey, you’re there!” He sounded genuinely excited about it. “God, I can’t believe that worked. What batteries did we get for these? Can you remember? Because I’m putting them in everything I own from now on.”

“I don’t remember, actually, but we can check.”

“Yeah, I will.” He was silent for a moment. “Is it just me, or does it feel like we’ve fallen back in time?”

“It’s definitely not just you,” I said. “I can’t believe we’re actually talking this way again.”

It was how we’d communicated back when we’d been sneaking around. I couldn’t even count the hours I’d spent talking to him like this, lying in bed night after night or sitting on the roof just like I was now, chatting to him about every hope and dream and any other thought that had ever crossed my mind.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, his voice gentler than I’d heard it since we’d both been back in town. “I, uh, I hope I didn’t scratch open any wounds asking you to talk about Scotland this afternoon.”

“You didn’t,” I assured him, not even knowing why I cared if he felt bad about it. “The only way to heal is talk about it, right?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I’ve never had to heal from something like that, but talking about it doesn’t sound like me.”

I laughed. “True.”

We lapsed into silence for a moment before his voice crackled again. “I’m sorry you went through all that, Sutton. Nobody deserves for that to happen to them, but especially not you. You’re a good person. I’m sorry you got hurt.”

I almost asked if he was also sorry that he’d hurt me too, but at the very last moment, I decided not to broach the subject. Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy to dig up all those old skeletons right now.

“Thanks,” I said. “You live and you learn, I guess. What are you still doing up? I would’ve thought those boys had exhausted you.”

He chuckled, and the sound made warmth bloom in my tummy. “They did, but I’m here to help Emery, so I figured I’d better get through some of the other stuff I’m supposed to be helping her with.”

“I’m sorry about what your dad’s going through,” I said before repeating his words from this afternoon back to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course, the walkie-talkie chose that moment to die and I sighed, setting it down beside me and looking over at his house in the distance. As I stared at the few lights still on inside, I wondered why this felt so right.

Like I’d missed talking to him.

I knew I needed to get over it. Hawk was bad news for me. He’d hurt me and he knew it, but even as I went back inside and got ready for bed, I still couldn’t shake the knowledge that things with Hawk had just always been so natural.

Even now, so many years later, it was just coming back as if it had never been gone.