Page 91 of One Reckless Night

“No, it’s because you asked for my opinion and I’m telling you who can offer you good advice. But since you mentioned it, yeah, it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to her.”

“Things are not that simple,” I said with a sigh.

“Why not? What the hell happened between the two of you?”

I took a deep breath. This wasn’t something I’d planned to talk about, but it had been eating at me for weeks. Shawn had plenty of suspicions. I may as well come clean. “Amelia and I had a thing before she went on leave.”

Shawn’s eyebrows shot up. “A thing? Like an actual thing or just a quickie in the office?”

“It wasn’t just a fling. Or a quickie. It was different. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

Shawn whistled softly. “Wow. Okay. I didn’t see that coming.”

“Neither did I,” I admitted.

“So then the baby?”

“Mine.”

He nodded. “Congratulations?”

I shook my head. “Thanks, but I sure don’t feel like celebrating.”

“Hmm, maybe don’t write that in the kid’s first birthday card.”

“It’s just all so confusing,” I said, scrubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t know how to feel.”

“How are things with you and Amelia?” he asked.

“She’s avoiding me. I’m avoiding her. I don’t know what to do. I’ve spent my entire life putting my career first. My achievements, my goals—they’ve always been what mattered most. I never planned for this. I never planned for her. She accused me of missing out on the good stuff because I’m so focused on my career. But helping people is my whole life. It’s important work.”

Shawn studied me for a moment, then shrugged. “Why does letting yourself fall in love and be happy have to mean you can’t help people?”

I stared at him. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said. “You’re acting like trying a relationship with Amelia is some kind of professional death sentence. Why? Because it doesn’t fit into the neat little box you’ve built for yourself? I thought you liked a challenge.”

“You don’t understand,” I said. “Amelia is… I don’t know. She’s just⁠—”

Shawn leaned forward, cutting me off. “She’s just what? Brilliant? Kind? The kind of person who makes you question your entire life because she’s that good? Listen, Jared, you’ve spent your whole life chasing perfection in your career. But maybe it’s time to admit that perfection doesn’t exist in a lab or an operating room. Maybe it exists in the messy, unpredictable parts of life. Like love. Like Amelia.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but the words didn’t come. He was right, and I hated it. Amelia was all those things and more. She was the kind of person who made me feel things I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling. And that terrified me.

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter anyway.” I sighed. “I pushed her away one too many times. And I didn’t exactly handle the news of the baby very well. If I’d had some warning, I could have prepared myself. If she and I were together, maybe I could have figured something out. But shit, it just took me by surprise. I can’t take care of a kid. Hell, I can barely take care of myself.”

“Life doesn’t work like that, Jared. Sometimes the best things happen when you least expect them. You can’t plan for anything. Life is fucked up. Ask our patients. Do you think any of them planned for TBIs or dementia or brain tumors? Shit happens. How you react is what matters. Right now, you’re failing pretty hard.”

I shook my head. “It’s not that simple. I’ve spent my whole life proving myself—to my parents, to my colleagues, to everyone. I can’t just let that go. I’m Jared Welch, neurosurgeon extraordinaire. I’m not daddy. Hubby. Boyfriend. I only know how to be a doctor.”

“Who says you have to let it go?” Shawn asked. “You can still be a great doctor and have a life outside of work. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “But what if I’m not good at it? What if I mess it up? I’ve never even thought about having kids. I don’t know the first thing about being a father. I see my nieces once a month if that, but no sane person would ever leave me in charge of them. And they can walk and talk. They can feed themselves or call for help. A baby? Man, come on. I don’t know a damn thing about babies and what they need.”

Shawn chuckled. “Nobody does, man. You figure it out as you go. But you’ll never know if you don’t try. Plus, you can afford nannies and whatever help you need.”

I sighed, leaning back in the chair. “It’s not just that. Amelia’s been avoiding me for a reason. I didn’t handle things well when she came back from leave. I was distant. Cold. I didn’t know how to process everything that was happening. She up and left me without saying a word. I didn’t even know her mom was in Miami.”

Shawn raised an eyebrow. “Did you at least apologize to her? For how you acted?”