Page 36 of Falling for a Grumpy Hero

As the sun set, the scent of grilling hamburgers filled the air and the night dragged on, the barbecue turning into a huge party that was as loud as it was overwhelming. While I’d never attended one of Jared’s annual soirees, I knew from having heard the stories around the office that they usually went pretty late. Since I figured I needed to stick around at least until the burgers were done, I looked around for someplace to take a quick break. I was starting to feel like the walls were closing in on me, and from experience, I knew that meant I should remove myself from the situation.

Strolling away from the house to a quiet corner of the yard, I wasn’t surprised when Rook suddenly appeared, knowing that he’d been trained to sense when I was in distress, but I was surprised when Lila materialized right behind him.

“Hey.” She offered me a soft smile, concern in her eyes as she watched me sit down on a bench under a tree I’d helped Jared plant a couple years ago. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just needed a minute.” I stretched my legs out ahead of me and motioned to Rook as he trotted closer. “I thought you’d run away, boy. Welcome back.”

He let out a whine that I chose to believe was apologetic, coming over to rest his head on my leg. I brushed my fingers through his hair and inhaled deeply, my heartbeat evening out a little now that I was somewhat away from the action.

“Not one for big parties, are you?”

Lila didn’t seem judgmental or pitying. It was more like she was simply stating a fact as she walked around Rook and came to sit beside me on the bench. It was long enough that we weren’t pressed up against each other, but I could still feel her presence at my side. It helped almost as much as Rook’s to diffuse the tension that had been coiling in my blood.

A little taken aback by it, I shrugged and lifted my gaze to the festivities happening on the deck. “I don’t mind parties. It’s, uh, just the crowds. I’ve learned to give myself some distance when I need it.”

“Sometimes, I need some distance too, and I love people,” she volunteered, her voice sweet, soft, and lyrical. “I think it’s great that you know how to look after yourself that way. Too many people don’t know what self-regulation is, let alone how to practice it. Personally, I think it’s pretty important to know yourself that well.”

As she settled down on the bench, Rook moved over to sit at her feet, immediately on guard. I frowned at him. “What are you doing? You don’t have to protect her from me and you’re supposed to be blocking for me right now.”

Lila chuckled, glancing at him before she brought her gaze to mine. In the darkness out here, I had to rely on ambient light from the deck to see her, and while I could make out her expression, I couldn’t quite see what was going on in her eyes. They were pretty expressive, so it was disconcerting having a conversation like this with her without being able to see them.

“What are you talking about?” she asked gently. “Why should he be protecting you and what exactly is blocking?”

I sighed. “You already know he’s a PTSD service animal. Positioning himself horizontally in front of you like that is to protect or guard you, but it also serves as a buffer to protect your personal space. Blocking.”

“Oh.” A smile spread on her lips as she reached out to stroke his neck. “Thanks, Rook.” She looked back at me. “Is this what he does for you?”

“It’s part of it,” I explained. This was the first time I’d ever really spoken to someone about PTSD, especially because people tended to treat me like a headcase when I did mention it, but Lila didn’t interrupt, just listening intently as I told her about Rook’s part in my so-called recovery. “He’s also trained to interrupt or alert me when I’m feeling anxious and he wakes me up from nightmares.”

“Wow.” She was silent for a beat. “That sounds like a tough job, Rook. Rather you than me.”

I felt my brow furrowing. “Are you… teasing me right now?”

She shrugged and to my surprise, I burst out laughing, relieved that she’d broken the ice a bit. At least she wasn’t treating me any differently now that she knew, which was a welcome change.

“Gee, thanks,” I said, words coming a lot easier than usual. Again. “So that’s what a guy gets for confiding in you, huh?”

“And what’s that?” she joked. “It’s called the truth, Ford. Would you want to wake you up when you’re having a nightmare?”

I chuckled. “No, I guess not.”

She grew quiet for a short beat. “Do you mind me asking what happened to cause your PTSD? If you don’t want to talk about it, then just tell me to butt out.”

“Do you really want to know?” I asked. “Why?”

“Well, I care about you.” Her brow puckered like she was uncertain if she should’ve said that, but my insides were suddenly feeling a whole hell of a lot warmer than they had in a long time. “Plus, we work together. I’m your assistant and I feel like I’d be able to assist you better if I understood you better.”

“I don’t know if this will help you understand me better.” God knows, I don’t understand myself much. “I was in a helicopter that got shot out of the sky.”

I didn’t mention Luke or waking up in a hospital in Germany, alone, and finding out that I’d been the only survivor. Barely. One day, I hoped I’d be able to tell someone the whole story of what had happened that day, but for now, I was wholly unable to.

Lila flinched and instinctively leaned in a little. “You got shot out of the sky? Oh, my god. That’s horrible. I’m so sorry, Ford. That must’ve been scary as hell.”

“Thanks, and it was.” I nodded at Rook. “That’s why I’ve got him now. I’m still not right again.”

“I don’t see how anyone could be. Scars are more than just physical. I know that better than anyone.”

You do? I was burning to ask what she meant, but I knew that I had some making up to do before earning any of her story. “Maybe that’s true, but I’ve got plenty of physical scars too.”