Page 56 of Falling for a Grumpy Hero

The light in her eyes dimmed and I scoffed, hanging my head and fighting back of wave of immense rage at myself. I had done that. I was the reason for that light going off and I couldn’t fucking stand it. “If you and I get together, I will be the dark that steals your light and the idea of dimming who you are makes me want to back off. I can’t do that to you, Lila. No matter how much I want you, I won’t be responsible for draining even a fraction of your happiness.”

Any other woman might’ve either argued the point or accepted it and walked away. Lila simply moved her hands to her hips, waiting until I looked up again and then holding my gaze just as firmly as she had before.

“Are you okay with being miserable for the rest of your life?” she asked, completely matter of fact. “Or do you see a way out of it? Do you want to fight for your own light or do you plan on surrendering to the dark?”

The questions knocked me right on my ass, emotionally anyway. Physically, I was still standing, but my heart was pounding all over again and my mind was spinning. “I go to the meetings.”

“Sure, but do you talk? Or do you really just go because it gives you someplace to be?” She wasn’t unkind and she definitely didn’t come across as not understanding. In essence, what she was doing was holding up a mirror, and while she expected me to look into it, I could’ve ducked. I just… didn’t want to. Not even when she straight up confronted me. “See, I think you go because you want to fight your way out of the dark. I think you go because you miss the light. You might just not have figured out how to get to it just yet.”

“Does it matter why I go?” My throat was so constricted that my voice was hoarse, but I shook my head. “I will never surrender. Not to the dark or anything else, but not wanting to be miserable doesn’t automatically make me happy.”

“No, it doesn’t, but it matters because I know how to fight. For life. For light. I can do that, stand beside you and have your back while you slay your demons. What I won’t do is watch those demons slay you, or have you shut me out every time you feel the darkness closing in.”

“There’s a story there,” I said, finally voicing the suspicions I’d had since I’d met her. “I have my reasons for being the way I am, but so do you. Are you ever going to tell me what they are?”

“I’m not hiding anything. It just hasn’t come up.” She took another tentative step closer, my blue-eyed girl staring up at me in a way that told me this was make or break. “So what’s it going to be, Ford? Will you let me stand beside you or should I accept that from now on, you’re nothing more than my boss?”

29

LILA

Icould see it in his eyes. Ford Callahan wanted to let me in, but he didn’t know how.

Lucky for him, I wasn’t the quitting type. If I was, I would have been dead right now, but I also knew the value of every single second of life.

No one knew better than I did how fast everything could change. That was why, years ago, I’d made the decision to live every day to the fullest. Not in the slogan sense of the phrase, but in the very real sense.

I woke up every morning and recommitted myself to not wasting or taking for granted a minute of the joy the day could bring. That wasn’t something I was willing to compromise on.

While I really did like Ford—and really could see myself falling for him and giving it everything I had—I wouldn’t wait any longer for him to decide to try. As I looked into his eyes, it was like I could see the war within, turbulent, and violent, and undeniably dark.

All he had to do right now was take one step forward, toward the light, toward me, and I would know he was willing to act instead of carrying on letting life pass him by. He looked right back at me, but he didn’t move a muscle.

I sighed, my chin lowering in a curt nod. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“No, you really don’t.” He just about croaked the words, but as he did, he also took a big step forward.

Catching my face in his warm palms, he crashed into me, his mouth descending onto mine like he was underwater, starving for oxygen and I was an air tank. Intense relief spiraled through me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him closer, my lips parting to deepen our kiss.

Yes! It worked. He’s willing to fight and he’s going to let me do it with him.

I’d never felt this way before, but as his tongue tangled with mine and I felt him opening himself up to the possibility of us, I stopped fighting the unfamiliar intensity of those feelings. Ford and I could figure this out—as long as he was willing to do it—and it sure seemed like he was.

His tongue stroked mine with long, sure lashes, his arms banding around me like coils. A quiet groan escaped him and my heart went wild in response, even more so when he started walking us in the direction of his bedroom.

Or the guest room. I suppose it depends on how invested he is.

For a moment, I wondered if I should break the kiss, open my eyes, and make sure we both got wherever we were going okay. If he hurt that leg again, I wasn’t sure what the repercussions would be, but I trusted him and it turned out I’d been right to do so.

Before I even knew it, he stopped walking, but he didn’t let me go. We were still pressed together, only our mouths parting as our eyes opened. I blinked a few times in the darkness before I realized we were in his bedroom—and he’d brought me to his bed, but hadn’t laid me down on it.

I brushed my fingers through his hair and stared up at him. “Are you sure about this?”

“No,” he replied hoarsely, but he still didn’t let me go. In fact, his grip only tightened as he lowered his forehead to mine. “I would’ve preferred to do most of the work, but I can’t wait that long.”

I grinned. “Neither can I, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’m okay with working hard.”

“Really? When did you start being okay with that?”