Page 71 of Falling for a Grumpy Hero

He chuckled and finally opened his eyes. “Ford, did you force Luke or any of those other men to sign up?”

“What? No.”

He nodded slowly. “Did you march them onto that chopper at gunpoint? Did you force them to sit where they were sitting? Did you fight to have your seat?”

I stared at him completely blankly. “No.”

“Did you shoot down that chopper or contribute in any way to the accident?”

“Of course not.” I scoffed. “Why would you even ask me that?”

“So you’ll realize how ridiculous it is to blame yourself,” he said pointedly. “Is there anything you could have done differently that day? Something perhaps to stop that barrage from hitting your chopper or your friends?”

I huffed out a deep breath and hung my head. “No. It came out of nowhere.”

“Exactly.” He finally brought his gaze back to mine. “I met my wife after my first deployment. At the time, I’d already lost friends, but she brought the sunshine back into my life. Every time I left after that, I knew she would be there waiting to do it again if I came home, and every time I stepped my feet back on US soil, there she was.”

He sighed through his nostrils and smiled. “When I finally retired and stopped moving around, I even painted the first house we bought yellow, like the sun, so that even on the darkest days, I knew I’d be returning to the light. To the warmth.”

I just kept staring at him, feeling like something had just clicked, but I didn’t know if it would help. It might be too late to fix things with Lila before they’d even really began, but a lightbulb had finally come on in my brain and I knew that despite everything else, I had to at least try.

I’d promised her that I would fight. I just hadn’t realized that there would come a time when I’d actually be ready to do it.

37

LILA

Sunday had been a strange day for me. I’d spent it finishing the designs for Heritage House and desperately trying not to think about Ford or the haunted look in his eyes when I’d left.

Before I’d gone, he hadn’t said anything about me telling me him that I loved him. In fact, he hadn’t said anything at all. Instead, he’d just sat there, looking like he was about to jump out of his skin.

Worry tore through me as I swiveled on my chair. I had to turn in the Heritage House designs for my class credit soon, which was why I’d spent the rest of the day yesterday on them, but outside of that, I was ahead with my school.

As ahead as I could be with my regular work too. Ford hadn’t shown up today, so nothing new had been added to my schedule.

All day long, I’d been debating calling him to find out if he was okay. If he was coming in. If he was working at home or if he wanted me to go there.

Honestly, I knew he hadn’t been okay when I’d left his place, but I was afraid of crossing a line with him again. Afraid of making things worse for him. Again.

Obviously, I’d done exactly that when I’d blurted out my true feelings. The last thing I wanted was to push even harder. As a result, I hadn’t called. It was a Monday morning. I was at work, as I should be, and he was still my boss. It wasn’t my place to question his whereabouts.

The man was so closed off and mysterious that I seriously didn’t know where I stood with him right now. Was he a boss or a boyfriend? Was he both? Was he ever really going to be a boyfriend and could he keep being my boss? I had no clue anymore.

While trying to figure out the mystery had been fun and even the darkness had been alluring to me at first, I was now stuck wondering if he was in trouble. If he ever wouldn’t be. As his assistant, I wasn’t sure what his boundaries were and as his… friend? I had messed up by telling him something I had known he wasn’t ready to hear.

I still loved him. That hadn’t gone away, and as unplanned as the admission had been, it wasn’t untrue. He was the most complicated person I’d ever met, but I was drawn to him in a way I couldn’t deny. A way I didn’t want to fight.

But I also knew that I had to be careful. I had to take care of myself. I had to make sure that I didn’t get into a situation where I got sucked into the darkness he was lost to. I blew out a heavy breath and checked my phone.

Again.

It had been making sounds earlier, but I’d only checked for a message from Ford. Every so often, I checked for word from him, but there hadn’t been anything so far.

Not a peep.

As I unlocked my screen, a message came through and hope smacked into me. Please be him, please be him, please be him.

Unfortunately, it seemed I should’ve been more specific with the plea because when I opened my eyes, I found a message from a him, but it was the wrong him. It was from Ben, not Ford.