Page 81 of Falling for a Grumpy Hero

“Maybe another time,” Lila suggested easily, but I felt her stealing a discreet glance at me and I knew she was worried that all of this would trigger me.

Honestly, as soon as I’d laid eyes on Melissa, I’d thought the same thing, but the more they spoke, the more I felt like something deep inside was easing. I wasn’t sure what it was, but for so long, I’d wondered what had become of this woman.

I’d felt guilt about living while her boyfriend had died and I’d thought that she must hate me, but she certainly didn’t seem to. In fact, she really did look happy. Happy to see me. Happy to be talking to Lila. Just happy in general.

A tiny blond boy came racing around the corner holding a carton of ice cream in his hands. As my gaze cut to him, so did Melissa’s. She started forward, catching him gently around the waist and pulling him into her in a way that was so caring and loving that I knew this had to be her youngest son.

“Luke, what did we say about more ice cream tonight?” She bent over and nuzzled the top of his head. “Say hi to Mommy’s friends, but then I’m going to need you to go put that back in the freezer.”

It felt like my heart stopped in my chest as I glanced down at the little boy named after my friend. Obviously, he wasn’t Luke’s son. He was much too young and his features were completely different, but it felt like a part of me healed just looking at him.

Here was a child belonging to the love of his life, the woman he’d intended on marrying, and she’d somehow found a way to let him live on in her son. She’d moved on, but she’d also honored his memory. Hadn’t forgotten about him but wasn’t living in the past either. It was strangely inspiring.

The boy looked up at me, grinned, and waved. “Hi, Mommy’s friends. Do you like ice cream? Because I do. I’ve already had ice cream today, but we’re on vacation. That means we should be allowed to eat as much ice cream as we want.”

Lila bent over slightly and looked into his eyes. Smiling, she shook her head. “I’m afraid not, buddy. Wherever you go, you take your same tummy with you. That means it can still hurt if you eat too much ice cream.”

His face fell and he sighed. “I hate tummy aches.”

With that, he stepped out of his mother’s embrace and zoomed away again, leaving us alone with Melissa. She gave us an apologetic look. “I should go before he tries to sneak that out with him. I’ve also still got a few more things to pick up and the boys are going to start getting restless. It was lovely to meet you, Lila. Ford, please stop being a stranger.”

We said our goodbyes and immediately headed for the checkout counter, silent on the drive back to my place. When we finally got there, we unpacked the snacks we’d loaded up on before we’d run into her. Once we were settled on the couch, Lila turned to look at me.

There was caution in her eyes but something much softer, too. She moved her gaze across my face, her tone wary and concerned but caring. “Are you okay? That can’t have been easy for you, seeing her.”

“It wasn’t,” I admitted. “For the first time in a long time though, I honestly feel like I am okay. Luke would’ve been so fucking happy to know that she’s so happy and so fulfilled.”

Lila’s eyebrows crept up, her gaze seemingly assessing mine. She grinned and scooted closer, sliding an arm around my shoulders. “That’s a surprisingly healthy response.”

I laughed and wound an arm around her waist to pull her into my lap. “What are you trying to say? That my responses usually aren’t?”

She pretended to think it over for a moment, but I saw the smile she was trying to hide. “That’s exactly what I was trying to say. I didn’t even know Luke, but from what you’ve told me about how much he loved her, I’m very sure that you’re right. He would’ve wanted her to move on and to live. She’s doing that and I guess I’m just relieved that you see it that way too.”

Her gaze lingered on mine as she said it. I brushed my fingers through her loose hair before taking her face in my palms. Rook was snoring in his dog bed across the room, most of the lights in the room were off, and something deep within me had shifted tonight.

I didn’t know how to explain it to her just yet though. So instead, I gently brought her head closer to mine. Maybe it was time I did the same thing. Maybe it really was time to move on. To live.

If Melissa could do it, then maybe I could find a way to do it too.

43

LILA

Ford pulled me closer and kissed me like I was a meal he’d been craving for decades and now that he had it, he intended on savoring every bite. It was sweet and slow, but also deep and lingering. I melted into his touch, every sigh and moan swallowed by his languishing kisses.

I had no idea what had gotten into him, but I liked it. First the playfulness when I’d asked how he was feeling after seeing Luke’s would-be fiancée, then the earnest tone of his voice when he’d told me that he really was okay, and now this, pulling me to him and kissing me like he was making love to my mouth.

Something sure had changed since the last time we’d been together and I desperately hoped that change meant that somehow he’d turned a page. My brain was whirring because of it, but I refused to let overthinking steal this moment from me.

Shutting down all my thoughts at once, I decided to lean into the sense of determination and peace that seemed to be radiating from him. I focused on the sensation of feeling his hard body pressed against mine and the way it felt to have the pad of his thumb stroke over my cheekbone.

He tasted of popcorn and Ford, salty and yet somehow also sweet. Tongue lashing across my own in firm, sure strokes, there was nothing hurried about tonight. Nothing that made me wonder deep down inside if soon he would be disappearing again.

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it almost felt like he was finally fully present. Every other time we’d been together, it’d been awesome and mind-blowing, but deep down, I’d always felt like there was a part of himself he was holding back.

Something he was shoving down, desperately not wanting me to see. This time, however, it was like he was putting himself on full display. Except that we’re both still clothed, so that’s a pretty odd thought.

Physical nakedness had never been much of an issue for him after we’d crossed that boundary the first time, however. He had no reason to be shy and he was exactly as confident about his body as he should be. It was his insides I’d always gotten the sense he was ashamed of.