Page 38 of Falling for the Playboy Pilot

I was tempted to look over my shoulder to get a better look at his expression. I wanted to see his approval even though I told myself I didn’t need it. But maybe I did want it. Just a little. I kept my eyes on the sky while Dalton continued to coordinate with Laser and then Chief was on the comms. It was awesome. I loved being part of the rescue team. I wasn’t down there spraying water on the fire, but I was still part of it.

“Tanker One, begin approach. Janna, bring us eastward, keep that pocket clear. We’re marking the southern ridge as the safest drop zone.”

I did as instructed, calling out speeds and angles. The first retardant drop hit clean, covering the area in red. I had watched plenty of videos and even seen the process from the ground a few times, but it was so different being in the air while it happened.

“That’s it. We’re done here. Let’s go home.”

We headed back in silence. I landed with barely a bounce and followed the signals from the guy directing me where to park the plane. Once the plane rolled to a stop, I cut the propellers. The wheels were chocked. I was keeping my shit together but now that we were on the ground, the reality of the situation was sinking in.

I climbed out of the plane and hit the tarmac. Chief met us with a grin on his face.

“You kept your head up there,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder. “Good instincts.”

“Nice flying,” another pilot added as he passed by.

A couple of the crew tipped their heads. I felt the respect. That was what I wanted. I wanted all these people to look at me like I was one of them. Like I belonged with them and wasn’t an interloper cosplaying as a pilot.

Dalton was talking to Pickle but I noticed them look over at me a couple of times. Were they talking about me? Of course, they were. I hoped Dalton was proud of me. I felt like I did a good job and everyone was telling me I did, but I wanted to hear it from him.

I looked over and saw Cheryl walking toward me with a grin that could light up the whole damn airfield. Her red hair was pulled back in its usual no-nonsense ponytail. She wasn’t wearing her flight suit. She was wearing tight jeans and a tight shirt that showcased her ample chest. She looked every bit the badass I’d come to admire.

“Janna!” she called out. Before I could even respond, she closed the distance between us and pulled me into a tight hug. It was unexpected but not unwelcome. I felt like I’d just been welcomed into some kind of secret club.

“You did good up there,” she said as she pulled back. I was pretty sure I saw pride in her eyes. It felt like I had won the lottery. “Really good. I mean it. You kept your cool, followed instructions, and handled that storm like a pro. Not everyone can do that their first time out.”

“Thanks,” I said, my voice a little shaky despite my best efforts to sound calm. “It was intense. But honestly? It felt amazing.”

Cheryl laughed. “That’s how you know you’re in the right place. If it doesn’t get your blood pumping, you’re doing it wrong.”

“Laser!” Someone called out from inside one of the buildings.

“I have to deal with that. I just wanted to say good job.”

“Thanks, Cheryl.”

But even as I smiled and nodded and accepted the back pats and high fives, something inside me began to unravel. My hands were trembling again. I needed space. Everyone was talking and I was able to slip away.

I found the bathroom, locked the door behind me, and sat down hard on the toilet lid. My entire body was shaking. The tears came fast. It wasn’t from fear or anything like that. It was more about the adrenaline letdown. I played it cool, but I had been just a little scared up there. I wouldn’t be scared in the future but today was just supposed to be about me showing Dalton I actually knew how to fly. I was not expecting to actually do the job.

But now that I had done it, I knew I could. Trial by fire, I mused.

I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth to muffle the sound. The tears streamed down my face as I tried to keep myself together. I could hear voices beyond the door. They were all out there, celebrating, debriefing, moving on like nothing had happened. And here I was, locked in a bathroom stall, falling apart.

“Get it together,” I whispered to myself, my voice trembling. “You’re fine. You’re fine.”

But I wasn’t fine. My heart was still racing, my body still thrumming with the adrenaline that had kept me sharp up there. Now that it was over, it felt like a dam had broken inside me. All the fear, the pressure of proving myself had broken free and it all came crashing down at once.

I wiped at my face with the sleeve of my flight suit, then leaned back and tried to take a deep breath. It was no use. I blamed hormones and the stress of packing up and leaving my apartment in Alaska. It was excitement of getting my dream job. Happy tears. Scared tears. Everything I had been feeling the last year decided this was the moment to spring free. It was like all the emotions I’d been holding back saw the crack in my steely veneer and rushed forward.

I couldn’t let anyone see me like this. Not Cheryl, not Chief, and definitely not Dalton. They’d think I couldn’t handle it. They’d think I wasn’t cut out for this. I didn’t want to explain it was just a very normal emotional breakdown. Mine just happened to be coming at the exact wrong time.

“Stop it,” I hissed under my breath, squeezing my eyes shut. “You did good. You did good.”

But the voice in my head wasn’t convinced. It whispered all the things I was too afraid to admit and a choked sob escaped my lips.