Page 26 of Fake it for Keeps

“You’re being hardheaded,” she continued, crossing her arms. “Of course they’re connected. You’ve been plowing your way through New York for what, a decade now? Burying your past in whatever cleavage is within reach?”

“I don’t like when you talk about my personal life, Frankie⁠—”

“Let me finish.” She paced around my office, brows furrowed in thought. “You’ve spent ten years numbing yourself with meaningless hookups. And now you’ve been forced to stop. You can’t fuck yourself into oblivion every night because you’re supposed to be a reformed man who’s madly in love with his fiancée. So what happens? The dreams come back.”

I leaned back in my chair, jaw tight. “You’re oversimplifying.”

“Am I?” She tilted her head, studying me with that penetrating gaze that always made me feel like she could see straight through to my bones. “You’re looking down the barrel of marriage, Colt. Just like last time. Your subconscious is freaking out.”

“It’s fake,” I said through gritted teeth. “There’s nothing to freak out about.”

“Tell that to your nightmares.”

I stood abruptly, needing to move. I had to pace, too, to do something other than sit there while my sister psychoanalyzed me. She had missed her calling. Therapist was more her lane. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Make time.”

“Frankie, I’m serious. I have back-to-back meetings today, and tomorrow we’re announcing the engagement before heading to Shelter Island. I need to focus on work, not on dreams that don’t mean anything.”

“They mean everything!” Her voice rose, frustration bleeding through. “The love of your life was killed in a tragic accident when you were practically a kid, and it still haunts you. You need to deal with it, Colt. Actually deal with it, not just bury it deeper.”

The words hung in the air between us. If she slapped me, it would have been less painful.

Lauren.

God, I didn’t want to think about Lauren right now. Didn’t want to remember the way she’d smiled at me that last night, the way she’d kissed me goodbye and the way she had promised to see me tomorrow.

Tomorrow never came.

I turned away from my sister. I didn’t want her staring at me and seeing everything I was trying to hide. I liked keeping my mask in place. I hated people knowing what was going on in my head. It was why I kept it all bottled up. It was easier to bury it than to think about it.

“Maybe you should talk to someone,” Frankie said, her voice gentle. “A therapist. Someone who can help you work through things.”

I laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You talk my ear off enough, Frankie. I don’t need a fucking therapist to do the same thing.”

I turned back around to look at her, my mask back in my place.

She glared at me, but there was no real heat in it. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I’m not being an ass. I’m being realistic.” I moved to the window, staring out at the city below. “I don’t have time to sit on a couch and talk about my feelings. I have a company to run. A reputation to rebuild. A fake wedding to plan. I don’t want to talk about my feelings and all that bullshit. It’ll just stir up more shit.”

“It’s supposed to,” she said. “It stirs it up so you can work it out. You talk about it and it gets out. Then you can move on.”

“Not today.”

“You need to grow up, Colt.”

The words were far more insulting than they should have been. I turned to face her, anger flaring hot and fast. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Frankie put her hands on her hips and attempted to go toe to toe with me but she was about five inches shorter than I was. “You’re thirty years old, and you’re still running from what happened to Lauren. You think sleeping with half of Manhattan makes you some kind of player, some untouchable bachelor. But you know what I see? A scared little boy who’s afraid to feel anything real.”

“Get out.”

“No.”

“Frankie—”

“I’m not leaving until you hear me.” She moved closer, her voice firm but not unkind. “I love you. You’re my brother, and I would do anything for you. But watching you destroy yourself for the past decade has been torture. And now you’re dragging Hallie into it.”