Page 54 of Never To Be Mine

I barely made it into the office the next morning. My head pounded with every step. I swore I could feel wine sloshing in my belly. I looked like death warmed over despite my best efforts with concealer. Ever since Hollis Blackwell had come into my life, I’d been suffering from more hangovers than normal. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

I made it to my floor, sunglasses still on, and stumbled into the breakroom, desperate for coffee. Kari was already there.

She took one look at me and her eyebrows shot up. “What’s up, rock star? Rough night?”

“Don’t ask,” I muttered, making my way to the coffeemaker.

My hands shook as I reached for a mug. I had woken up late and didn’t even have enough time to make myself toast. I needed bread. Something to soak up the alcohol and raise my blood sugar.

“Here, let me.” Kari gently took the mug from my hands and started making my coffee the way I liked it.

“Thanks,” I mumbled and rummaged through the basket with the little snack-size chips, crackers, and cookies. I grabbed one of each, then ripped open a granola bar and took a bite. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it wasn’t about want.

I had fallen into necessity. I needed food.

“Not to stage an intervention or anything,” Kari said as she put the warm cup in my hand, “but this is the second time you’ve shown up hungover recently.”

I slumped against the counter and closed my eyes. “I know.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” I inhaled the strong caffeine first and then took a sip. And then another sip.

Kari watched me. “Want to talk about it anyway?”

“I’ve just been really stressed recently,” I said and took another bite of the granola bar. “With the B Well partnership and the viral video and everything. The trip. And then flying back. Jet lag.”

I had a lot of excuses and it was perfectly acceptable to use every damn one of them.

“Juno.” Kari’s voice was gentle. “I’ve known you for three years. I’ve seen you stressed. This is different.”

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She wasn’t judging me. She was just worried.

“It’s complicated,” I admitted.

“How complicated are we talking? Is there math involved?”

I took another long drink of coffee, buying myself time. Could I tell her? Should I tell her? If I didn’t get it out, I could very well implode. Kari was trustworthy. She bought me tampons and picked up my birth control. She wasn’t going to tell my dad. And he was the only one I wanted to make sure never found out.

“I kissed Hollis Blackwell,” I blurted out. “Or he kissed me. We kissed each other. In an elevator. In New York.”

Kari’s mouth fell open. She stared at me for several long seconds. I scarfed down the rest of my granola bar while she tried to process what I’d just told her. I understood the shocked feeling.

“Hence the wine,” I said when my mouth was no longer full. “I needed something settle my nerves and relax.”

“Fuck the wine. Rewind back to that kiss.” Kari shook her head like she needed to clear her mind of this lunacy.

“I think he just got caught up in the moment,” I said, shrugging. “I know, I know. It was stupid and unprofessional and I have no idea what I’m doing and now I can’t stop thinking about it. So I drank an entire bottle of wine last night trying to make my brain shut up.”

“Did it help?” she asked.

“Not really.” I took my sunglasses off and rubbed my eyes. “And the worst part is it was amazing, Kari. Like, life-alteringly good. And I hate that. I hate that he’s good at kissing on top of everything else. The world is not fair.”

Kari continued staring at me. It stretched on for so long I actually feared she might have stroked out right in from of me. Then a slow smile spread across her face. “You naughty little minx.”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”