Page 117 of Regrets

“Very well, but she is only sixteen! I am already rather old for a debutante, Mother!”

Lady Catherine was silent.

“Well, what is it? Can we not afford it? Do you not wish to stay with the Matlocks? Tell me why I cannot have a Season!” Anne was insistent.

“Because I do not want you to suffer!” her mother finally exclaimed.

“Suffer?”

“Yes, suffer. You do not know, Anne, of course you do not know, how cruel the ton is! How jealous and spiteful the girls are! How difficult it is when you are not asked to dance, and you must stand against the wall, while other girls swirl round and round, laughing and smiling! And then you go back the next year, and the next, and it just goes on and on, and people laugh at you behind their hands!”

Anne stared at her mother for a long minute, taking in her mother’s long face, large nose, and thin hair, and she realised that her mother had described, perfectly, her own dreadful experience. Then it all fell into place.

Finally, she whispered, “I am sorry that happened to you, Mother. It sounds absolutely terrible, and I understand why it is that you are afraid something like that would happen to me. Might we not – well, compromise?”

Lady Catherine was silent, regretting how much she had told her daughter, wishing now that she had held her tongue. To be an object of pity! That was what she had hated most about her Season, and she certainly did not want to be such an object for her own daughter.

Anne went on. “What if we go for a month, and if I am not enjoying it, if I am having the same terrible experience that you had, then we will come back home and I will cheerfully choose from amongst the local gentry. Is that reasonable?”

Lady Catherine managed to say, “Very reasonable; I agree.”

Chapter One Hundred and Seven

Georgiana!”

“No! No!”

“Georgiana, wake up!”

Georgiana’s eyes flew open; she discovered herself to be tangled in her bedsheets, with Lizzy leaning over her, looking very worried.

“Thank heavens! You were having a terrible nightmare, Georgiana.” Elizabeth sat beside Georgiana and stroked her hair. “Was it…”

“Yes.”

“Oh, dearest, I am so very sorry!”

“Lizzy,” Georgiana whispered, looking down at the rug. “I still have dreams about it. I wake up thinking I can feel the rocks under my back, and hear him breathing down my neck, and feeling his mouth…” She shuddered.

“Oh, Georgiana,” Elizabeth moaned. She held her sister close, wishing she knew what to do. She sat with Georgiana, gently stroking her hair, until the girl fell into a peaceful slumber.

***

Georgiana came to breakfast quite late, hoping she would be allowed to eat alone, but immediately discovered that Elizabeth had waited at the table for her. “You did not have to wait,” Georgiana muttered.

“I did, though,” Elizabeth returned. “Think you I would not want to make certain you had recovered from such a bad night?”

Georgiana immediately regretted having been churlish. “I am sorry, Lizzy,” she whispered. “You are very kind.”

“Look; here is fresh tea for you, and the apple muffins you enjoy. And you have a letter from your cousin,” Elizabeth said, smiling. “Doubtless that will cheer you!”

Georgiana obediently read the letter.

Dear Georgiana,

Mother has agreed to let me have a Season for a month, and that if I am not enjoying myself, I will come home and choose a husband from one of the local gentlemen. Of course, there is no chance at all that I will not enjoy myself!

But I understand now, as I did not before, that she did not enjoy her experience with the ton, and she feared that I would be hurt as she was.