Page 42 of Regrets

Mr. Bennet sighed. “He wrote in his letter that he was eager to be married, and thought it best to attempt to make amends to the family he might be displacing by marrying into it.”

Mary rallied. “Ah! See? Is that not a kindly gesture?”

“It is, Mary,” Elizabeth said, gently. “I do not think any man is all bad, and certainly not Mr. Collins. But he is overly prideful, which is not something that is generally encouraged in Christianity.” She quoted, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Mary promptly said, “James, chapter four, verse six.”

Jane added, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

To which Mary said, “Proverbs, chapter sixteen, verse eighteen.”

Unexpectedly, Mr. Bennet said, “Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make proud.”

Equally unexpectedly, Elizabeth said, “Sophocles.”

“Well done, Lizzy!” Mr. Bennet said. He was quite excited that he and Lizzy had actually had a friendly interchange. He grinned widely at her, but the moment had passed, and she looked away. Mr. Bennet cleared his throat and said, solemnly, “There is no question of any of you marrying that fool. I promise you that.”

***

Dinner at Longbourn that night was not a pleasant affair. Mr. Collins spoke endlessly about his situation, his patroness, his parishioners, his cottage, on and on. It was Mr. Bennet who had finally had enough. “Have you questions for me, Mr. Collins?” he barked at last.

“Questions?”

“Yes; you are here for the first time at the estate that you will very likely inherit. Have you questions as to how it is run, what crops are grown, who the tenants are, anything of the sort?”

“Why, I supposed…” Mr. Collins trailed off, looking completely confused.

“You supposed? You supposed that the estate just ran itself, with no effort whatsoever on the part of its owner? You supposed the money just flowed into the coffers?”

Mr. Collins could not reply.

“Let me assure you that it does not run itself, nor does money simply flow into coffers. It requires an enormous amount of effort on the part of everyone in the family. Mrs. Bennet and the girls spend many hours sewing clothing for the tenants. Jane has taken responsibility for the stillroom, and provides medications of all kinds for illnesses. I decide what, when and how to plant and harvest. How do you plan to deal with these issues when it is you who sits in this chair?” Mr. Bennet’s words were clipped, his tone frosty.

Mr. Collins found his voice. “I assure you that Lady Catherine, my esteemed patroness, will be on hand to advise me as to such things as crops and tenants. I am by no means disheartened by the litany of tasks you have laid before me. In fact, when I sit in your chair –“

Mr. Bennet could bear no more. “I beg that you will excuse me, Mr. Collins.” With that, he got up and left the room.

Chapter Thirty-Five

The following day, after breakfast, Mr. Collins followed Mr. Bennet into his study and began to apologise. “Yor are quite right, Mr. Bennet; I should have shown more interest in the estate. I do know that there is considerable effort involved.”

“Do you, indeed?” Mr. Bennet replied. “And how do you plan to prepare yourself for this role?”

“Of course, I shall depend on Lady Catherine’s advice a good deal,” Mr. Collins replied. “She manages an estate many times larger than this one, and she knows what she is about!”

“She decides what will be planted and when?” Mr. Bennet enquired.

“Well, no, there is a steward for that.”

“Mr. Collins, there is no steward at Longbourn.”

“Well, then, I would hire one at once,” he declared.

“You do not understand, sir; there is no steward because the estate cannot afford one.”

“Cannot afford one? But why not?”

“Because not all estates are the same size. Your Rosings Park, for example; do you know how many acres it is?”