Page 88 of The Discount Damsel

Dirk dug a few rice paper wafers out of his satchel, just in case, and slithered closer. He shored up against the trunk of a dead tree and snuck a glance.

A bend in the creek bed revealed the mouth of a mine.

The bells he’d heard was actually the jingling of a harness. A team of dusty mules were looking surlier by the minute as a handful of men added crates to the back of a wagon. One mule licked the damp wood at the bottom of a nearby tough, another shook its head as black flies descended upon its eyes to satisfy their own desperate needs for moisture.

From the decrepit state of the nearby equipment, it was evident the miners had once rinsed their rubies in the nearby creek when it had held water. Dirt and debris, and the tiniest of gems, would be washed away, and the mules would’ve only been burdened with worthwhile weight.

“That’s the last of it.” The man in the scally cap shoved the final crate into position and wiped his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief. “Get that tarp lashed, would ya, Junior?”

The younger man tugging the canvas tarpaulin over the crates paused halfway to heft a ruby the size of a chicken egg. “Just think, one of these would set me up for over a year.”

Scally Cap smacked the ruby out of Junior’s hand then cuffed his head. “You have any idea what the prince would do to you if he caught you stealing?”

“Who’s gonna catch me?” Junior spread his hands wide and made a show of looking around the sun-scorched land. “You ain’t gonna say nothing ’cause we family, and ol’ Bourbon Bill up there ain’t no rat.”

From the driver’s box, ol’ Bourbon Bill pulled a flask out of his vest pocket and took a swig. “I ain’t seen nothin’,” he slurred.

“Of course we’d say nothing,” Scally Cap said, “but you’d have to exchange that rock for coin, and we’ve got no control over what that fence might say. Might even go to the magistrates and sing the tune himself for a reward.”

“He wouldn’t if he knew what’s good for him.” Junior drew his finger across his throat.

This time Scally Cap seized Junior’s ear and gave it a twist. “Your father would be rolling in his grave if he could hear you talking like that. Ain’t no rock worth your life.”

Junior shoved Scally Cap away. “What life do we have? Even those mules eat better than us! We’ve had nothing but Aunt Bessie’s cabbage soup for days.”

“We’ll get by, we always do. Now help me with this tarp.”

“‘We’ll get by?’ The mines are all dried up! Our prince is a pauper. He’s got nothing to offer anyone, same as us. Except at the end of the day, he gets to keep his job!”

“We’ll have less than nothing if we don’t deliver this on time. We get our coin today, and we’ll figure out what to do tomorrow.”

“I ’ear there’s a lady in a tower needs savin’.” Bourbon Bill hiccuped, took another swig. “Fancy a fight with a dragon instead of Bessie’s soup?”

“I have a better solution,” a loud voice boomed.

Dirk the Dangerous rose from behind the dead tree, all five hundred hulking pounds.

The mules merely flicked their ears at his appearance, but the men shouted in alarm. Bourbon Bill fell out of the driver’s box, knocked his head, and promptly passed out. Scally Cap grabbed Junior’s arm and pulled him towards the mine.

“Excuse me.” Dirk landed in front of them, cutting them off from the mine. “I said I had a better sol— Hey!”

Junior had snatched up the rocks at his feet and was hurling them at the dragon. The young man had a good arm and a better eye for directing the rocks at all of Dirk’s most tender bits, like his eyes and toes. “Go, Uncle! I’d rather die here than have another bowl of Auntie’s cabbage soup.”

“Desist, meat sack!” Dirk roared. “I said I had a better solution, but if you continue to assault me, I’m going to stomp on your head and turn your brains into jelly!”

“Junior.” Scally Cap caught his nephew’s arm. “Stop it. Let’s hear what the, uh, nice dragon has to say.”

“I’m not nice,” Dirk snapped.

“Of course not. Apologies.”

“Thank you.” Dirk rolled his shoulders and adjusted the fold of his faux wings. “Now, you in the scally cap, come forward.”

“But I said I would rather die,” Junior protested.

“Shut up,” Dirk and Scally Cap shouted.

Scally Cap wet his lips and cautiously approached.