Page 36 of Every Eligible Man

Substantial? Possibly. Curve? Present. Direction?

Up.

But not THE up. Not the specific, challenging, "this cock has something to prove" up. This is a generic up. A common up. The kind of up that gets the job done without making you feel anything about it.

"It's agreeable," I say.

He blinks. "Is that... good?"

"It's not what I'm looking for. Next."

"I've never been rejected for being agreeable."

"There's a first time for everything. Next."

HOUR FIVE: THE DELUSIONAL

Gerald has fallen asleep in my lap, twitching occasionally with dreams of violence. I envy him. I want to sleep. I want to dream of violence. Instead, I'm staring at an endless parade of inadequate genitals.

This is my life now.

Candidate #87: Prince Alaric

Oh, for fuck's sake.

He approaches with the wounded dignity of a man I publicly mocked for premature ejaculation at my own ball. Apparently, he's decided that this humiliation will be different.

It will not be different.

"Lady Cinder," he says stiffly. "I’m here to prove that I’m worthy of…"

"Boot."

He tries. It does not fit. Not even close. His foot looks like a child's inside the massive leather.

"As I suspected. Next."

"But you haven't even seen my cock."

"Alaric." I lean forward, letting my smile sharpen. "I watched you come in your trousers from a single breast touch. Even if your cock was the exact shape I'm looking for, your stamina disqualifies you. The men I'm hunting lasted hours. Multiple rounds. One of them got hard again in under two minutes."

I let that sink in.

"Can you do that?"

He opens his mouth. Closes it. Turns crimson.

"I thought not. Next."

Candidate #103: A man who has brought his own ferret

This one thinks he's clever.

He is not clever.

Gerald takes one look at the interloper ferret and launches himself off my lap like a furry missile of territorial rage.

The resulting ferret brawl requires four guards to separate. Gerald emerges victorious, hissing, with a tuft of the other ferret's fur in his tiny teeth.