Page 54 of Ardently Yours

I’d like to think that maybe Charlie and I could’ve been friends if things had gone differently back then. He always seemed like a good guy to me. I doubt he thinks I’m such a good guy anymore.

Not with how he is looking at me. Not after I told my parents I couldn’t marry Caroline.

And with the way Caroline has been reaching out, trying to convince me I’m making a mistake while making it clear she knows exactly where I am, I can’t help but think the only reason she knows is because she and my family are keeping tabs on me. Mom and Dad probably know more than they’re letting on too.

That would explain why Mom and Georgiana are texting me so much about how Dad wants to take my aunt’s house away from me.

Little do they know I haven’t even tried to visit the house yet. I haven’t visited it once since I got to Selah Falls. I’ve been staying at the inn on the West Side of town while the house sits empty on the East Side until I figure things out.

Besides, who would I even live in that big house with? Honestly, I should probably let my parents take it. Let them keep the inheritance too. I’m already here. I’ve already started over.

Maybe I really can use what money I have left to build my bakery food truck, keep renting my room at the inn, and live out the rest of my days here in Selah Falls. Maybe that would be easier than trying to explain myself to my family. To Lizzie. To all my friends.

But I know I owe them an explanation someday. Whether I ever go back home or not.

As I look at Charlie, I realize that if I went back home, I’d probably get the same look he’s giving me now. Good guy or not, he sees me as someone who didn’t measure up.

I didn’t become the man my father wanted me to be. I didn’t follow in his footsteps. I didn’t take over the family business. I didn’t obey him.

It doesn’t matter that I wanted to be a baker instead of a realtor. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t want to marry a woman I wasn’t in love with. All that matters is that I didn’t do things his way.

And because of that, in his eyes, and in the eyes of the wealthy circle he surrounds himself with, I’m a disappointment. The pride I used to feel in carrying the Darcy name has slowly faded over the years. Not just since moving to Selah Falls. Long before that.

Now I look at Charlie. At the way he and Janet are dressed. At how effortlessly polished they look, even in casual clothes. He may not work with his family anymore, but the traces of wealth are still there.

He and Janet remind me of home. Of my parents. Of the people who measure worth by wealth and appearances.

Then I look down at myself. Sneakers. Jeans. A T-shirt. Standing in a backyard. Working at a cafe. Trying to build a life I actually love.

And for the first time in a long time…that version of me feels like the richer one. And then it dawns on me that maybe I didn’t do things the way my father wanted me to.

But if I’m scheming to get what I want, plotting my next move, and always putting myself first, then maybe I should still have some pride left. Those are parts of the Darcy name. Those are the skills I learned from him.

Then a still, small voice reminds me that I’m not my father. I’m my own person. I have my own burdens to lay down. My own sins and secrets to confess.

I shouldn’t be carrying all of this in the first place. The guilt comes rushing back because I know I can’t keep carrying these things much longer.

At some point I’m going to have to tell my friends everything. I’m going to have to go home and face my family. I owe some people apologies. I owe them the truth.

But every time I think about confessing, my chest tightens. My breathing becomes shallow. A headache starts creeping in because it all feels like too much to carry. Too much to face.

So when Lizzie starts talking again, I force myself to focus on her. To zero in on her words because she’s the only thing that makes sense to me right now. Pretending to be her boyfriend is the only thing I feel capable of doing. So tonight, that’s what I’ll focus on.

She pulls me away from Charlie and Janet, telling everyone we’ll be right back. She leads me by the hand through the back door and into the house. Once the door closes firmly behind us, she drops my hand and gestures for me to follow her into the kitchen.

“I didn’t actually want to grab snacks and drinks. Though we should while we’re here. I really wanted to check on you.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, throwing my hands up with a shrug.

“I know, but how are we supposed to pull off this fake-dating thing if you have drama to deal with Bingley’s sister?”

“Really?” I ask, feeling defensive. “Like you don’t have something going on with that Wickham guy?”

“Excuse me?” She stares at me. “I don’t have anything going on with anyone but you, and that’s not even real.”

I shake my head, wondering why the thought of her and Wickham bothers me so much. “I saw you today. Through the window of the tailor shop. You went over to Wickham. What was that about?”

She scoffs. “You’re spying on me now, Darcy? That was before I announced we were dating tonight. It was nothing.”