Page 78 of Ardently Yours

I roll my eyes, not surprised when I see Mama and Papa head out of the house. I don’t have time to dwell on Janet’s apology, though I appreciate it because I know that’s all I’m going to get from her and Charlie.

I step out of the car and embrace that fresh after-rain smell, glistening sidewalks, and the hot summer air. I changed out of Georgiana’s clothes the moment I could. I stopped at home for a few minutes before darting back out to the store to get snacks.

I’m shocked I was able to get away with that before being spotted by my friends and family. I’m wearing sneakers, leggings, a baseball hat that says “Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History,” and an oversized red tee.

Mama has on rain boots and a rain jacket even though it’s hot outside because she’s extra. Papa is close behind her in his sneakers, strolling toward me with a wave and not a care in the world.

“I told you that I didn’t need help,” I say, slipping my phone into my purse before hiking my purse up on my shoulder.

Mama waves me off and pulls me into a hug as soon as she gets close enough.

“You know my nerves can’t handle all of this drama, Lizzie,” she says, smothering me. “How can you just up and leave town and send us a text about it? Don’t ever do that again. How are you? How is Will? What happened?”

Papa gently tugs at Mama, pulling her away from me so I can breathe. To Mama, he says, “Give her a moment, darling.”

“I’m fine,” I say the words, but I don’t know if I believe them quite yet.

Papa and I lock eyes. He knows I’m not okay. I can tell by the sympathetic look he gives me.

When he pulls me into a hug, it’s not overbearing like Mama’s. He’s always been like that with me. When Mama digs in deep, a Papa hug is always moments away to make me feel a bit better.

“You baby her,” Mama says, frustrated at Papa.

And just like that, the moment is over. Papa releases me, and I have to face Mama again. This time, I don’t pretend that I am okay.

I don’t shrink away or compromise like I used to. Well... sometimes I did. But usually I stood my ground and challenged her, like with the dating thing.

I brought George to family dinner to make a point. But she’s stubborn, and she can wear you down. She used to be able to do that to me.

But something about spending it with Will and his family showed me how fragile life is. And how tired I am of trying to win a ridiculous battle with Mama.

So what if I’m single? So what if I don’t end up with the man she wants for me? So what if I don’t want to settle for less? Or settle at all? So what if she’s upset with me because of that?

The least I can do is stand up for myself, be honest, and let go of the pressure. I sigh, as if I could let it all go with a single breath.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I say, straightening my posture and squaring my shoulders.

“What do you mean?” Mama asks, her eyebrows raised, her voice bordering on hysterical.

“Mama,” I say, trying to calm her. “I can’t keep living my life for you. I know that you want me to be happy. You mean well, but sometimes I feel like all you do is text me dating apps or critique me when I see you. I just want to be able to talk to my mom without feeling like I have to be something I’m not.”

For the first time in forever, she is silent and lets me talk. So, I go on.

“I love that almost everybody in our immediate family is in a relationship. That’s great. But I want to know that you love me even if I’m not with somebody. I want to know that I can come to family dinner at my parents’ house and not be bombarded by an ex. I want to know that you trust me to end up with the person God has for me.”

Still, she’s quiet and Papa is too. They look at me, really look at me. I have their full attention. I keep going.

“I want to know that I’m enough. And if I’m not enough for you, then I’m sorry, but I’m done trying to be something I’m not. I’m done trying to impress you and anybody else. I’m done pretending that I am okay with how you treat me and sometimes how you treat the rest of us Bennet girls. And I’m sorry because I spent so much time going toe to toe with you, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m also sorry because I lied about my relationship with Will. He’s going through a lot right now. That’s why he’s back in Chicago. But before all this, he and I were friends. Long story short, that’s pretty much all we’ve ever really been until I went and ruined it with a fake relationship.”

Mama gasps, but Papa grabs her hand and she is quiet again.

I say, “My best friend is getting married tomorrow, and I came back to be here for the wedding and all the festivities tonight. I don’t know if Will is ever coming back, but I’m going to be here. And I’m going to be happy no matter what.”

Mama looks stunned. I swallow hard, knowing that, for better or worse, I’ve just told her exactly what I needed to tell her. Papa looks shocked for a moment, but he recovers quicker than Mama.

“I’m so sorry,” Mama says, pulling me into another hug.

Even though she’s one of those huggers who practically buries you when she wraps her arms around you, it’s different this time. I feel like this hug isn’t squeezing the life out of me. It’s gentler. More intentional.