Page 101 of Changing Lanes

“That’s a bullshit answer. Parents make mistakes, I make mistakes,” he asserts.

“I’m too much like my father, it’s not in me to be a parent. My own body knew it,” I state the evidence.

“Torrie, don’t do this. I love you.”

I break, holding the phone away from my mouth as I cry. Taking a deep breath, I hurry through as best as I can. “I love you. My time with you all made profound changes in me. I’ll hold it close to my broken heart, forever.” I end the call, switching my phone off.

Eventually, I cry myself to sleep. Two in the morning, I wake, startled from a dream. It was incredibly real. I hold my chest as I sob. I begin to frantically search for my phone. I need to see, I need to know. Powering it up, I see new messages from Brannon. I check the text messages first. Last one was thirty minutes ago.

I love you.

He’s okay. Surely, he’s home and he’s safe. I’ll call Lea tomorrow or Thayer, to check in or something.

As I set my phone on my nightstand, it dawns on me the other number on my phone. My mother. I can’t deal with her right now, I’ll tackle it tomorrow. Maybe the next day. This week, I’ll get to her later this week. I set the alarm for six and roll over.

After crying for the last three hours, I give up, getting out of bed and getting in the shower. I can’t shake my dream, it felt so real. Brannon called me to tell me Andi had been in an accident and needed me. But I couldn’t get to her, try as I might.

I leave early for the office. I have a short detour to make before I go in. I grab some flowers from a street vendor for my trip. Circling the big drive, I park by the curb, grabbing the flowers. I wander over, trembling the closer I get.

Bending, I place the blue and white flowers in the vase. Dusting the stone as I do, I run my fingers over his name. His beautiful, fragile face never far from sight. “Hey, baby boy. I needed to see you today. I wanted to tell you, your daddy knows about you now. I’m sorry it took me so long; must’ve been why I didn’t get to keep you. Like your sister, I couldn’t handle it. I needed to tell you, I love you. I’m sorry I let you down, Adan.”